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Original poster

Dating Thread 157 - Kitten or Smitten: Which bench are *you* on?

999 replies

MrDrummer · 28/04/2019 20:23

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Link to previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3566658-Dating-Thread-156-It-is-hot-hot-hot

OP posts:
HairyArsedMan · 01/05/2019 23:41

@MrDrummer You may well get more than a pint if you answer my pm!

@vwman I don't think that's right on the numbers thing. It's simply because we messaged someone that wasn't interested in us. It's a hard truth to take, but when I look why I've had to reject someone who's messaged me, that's been the reason, pretty much @Ash559 A thick skin and persistence is required I'm afraid. I wouldn't say it all boils down to looks though. I think having those sorts of thoughts is very much taking it personally and as vwman says, going about your life, which is something you can influence, rather than your looks which you were born with, is just going to feel better.

CassettesAreCool · 01/05/2019 23:42

tooold happy to take on the job of ice bucket monitor for the cougar bench. Phewww

Original poster
MrDrummer · 02/05/2019 01:39

Back from Miss Lingua... Nothing much to report other than pre-DTD TV was some reality TV show about a doctor's office. Nothing gets my carnal juices flowing quite like watching an old man get manky skin removed from his head using liquid nitrogen. Post-DTD TV was even worse.... real CSI which actually showed a dead body, including knife wound close-ups. Got home then had to console my DD about how fucked up and controlling her bf is. Please God let the penny drop soon.

Better read that pm from hairyarsed. I'll do anything for a free drink!

OP posts:
TooOldForThis67 · 02/05/2019 07:24

@MrDrummer - I take it that it wasn't a great night then!

likeridingabike · 02/05/2019 07:28

cassettes I can recommend Epsom salts in a hot bath, much needed after my night away at the weekend.

Emojina · 02/05/2019 08:12

mrdrummer that sounds like dr pimple popper, which I love but it’s not really pre-dtd tv, although sounds like it did the trick for you or ms lingua?

@Ash559 I tend to swipe left on people who have only one blurry photo, who say ‘no drama’, who have no info about themselves at all, where they only have group photos, loads of spelling or grammatical errors, they put something very sexual, or they are not smiling in any of their photos.

Have a think about what it is about you that makes you interesting - work, studies, hobbies, your favourite food, whatever - just something to spark some interest. And smile!! Smile and it’s not personal. I’m sure I’ve swiped left on some lovely people and right on some complete arseholes...

Original poster
MrDrummer · 02/05/2019 08:12

@TooOldForThis67 it was a good night, just questionable TV viewing choices!

OP posts:
Emojina · 02/05/2019 08:17

By the way - on Bumble when you get a match, what does the man see? Just the circle counting down the 24 hours I would assume?

lifegoes · 02/05/2019 09:04

@Emojina I think so yes. Until you send a message

Original poster
MrDrummer · 02/05/2019 09:06

@Emojina Miss Lingua and myself are FWB and are consummate (did you see what I did there?!?) professionals when it comes to dtd!

OP posts:
HairyArsedMan · 02/05/2019 09:12

@Emojina Men see nothing unless they match, or pay a subscription. In the latter case if someone swipes but there is no match they see a match queue that they can browse and choose to match, or not. If you choose the not option the profile disappears forever.

CassettesAreCool · 02/05/2019 09:16

mrdrummer really?? 🤢

I have decided re Mr Mad (hot-tub weekend just gone) to let it wither on the vine. I’ve deleted our 13 month thread and his number. I’m not ghosting him: i will respond politely to any future messages from him but I’m not initiating convo. The ball I guess is in my court as he sent the last message - ‘xxxx’ - so it will be interesting to see if he does get back to me. I think this approach suits both of our styles, and it will be as much a relief to him as me. He’s hot and we get on but there’s no future, and he was taking up my headspace (not his fault of course). I feel lighter already.

My plan now is to continue to see Mr Icecube FWB once a week or so for the summer, concentrate more on all the fun things I’ve got lined up, then in the autumn set about swiping to find a proper relationship.

No doubt this grand plan will all go to cock but I’m quite fired up by it right now 😊

Eesha · 02/05/2019 09:23

@CassettesAreCool why couldn't you tell Mr Mad straight that it's not for you rather than let it wither?

StealthNinjaMum · 02/05/2019 09:27

atsea I wouldn't organise a night away, it gives you a date to dtd and if you're not ready you're not ready. After 20 years with one man and post pregnancy body it's going to take me some time to feel comfortable and if a man won't wait he can fuck off.

Buttock back on the cougar bench. More messages but I'm going to be away from my computer /ipad for the next couple of days so he might think I've lost interest.

CassettesAreCool · 02/05/2019 09:35

eesha good question! We only communicate via WA and I won’t see him for weeks (no date in the diary) as he has a big operation coming up. I just don’t think the drama of that conversation is what either of us need. This way we are friends who are losing touch because of busy lives. We were only ever FWB anyway really.

Ash559 · 02/05/2019 09:47

Thank you everybody for your sound advice on looks and photos.just catching up now. I will see if i can PM someone my profile- i just want to know why i cant seem to get dates!

TooOldForThis67 · 02/05/2019 10:13

I'd be happy to review @Ash559.

LilyRose88 · 02/05/2019 10:15

MrDrummer I do quite like those gory crime and medical shows on Netflix but I wouldn't inflict them on a date, especially if we were planning on dtd. It sounds like the rest of the evening went well though.

LilyRose88 · 02/05/2019 10:20

atsea I agree with Stealth - it puts a lot of pressure on you to dtd if you are going for a night away. There is no shame in taking your time if you don't feel ready yet. If a man is a genuinely nice guy, he will wait until you feel ready. Maybe postpone the night away and find something else nice to do. Perhaps a day trip somewhere with no hotel booking.

ItsAMiracle2015 · 02/05/2019 10:36

Ash559 I'm also happy to have a look. I also swipe left to all group photos, beer photos, car photos, topless ones. I like funny/witty profiles regardless of looks 🤷. I also swipe left on any mention of not wanting drama 🙄.

Sunshineandflipflops · 02/05/2019 10:38

@atsea I wouldn't agree to a night away if I wasn't feeling ready to DTD as I would assume that would be expected. Someone I was dating last year suggested a night away before we had DTD and I agreed but I knew I was ready and we actually reduced the build up and expectation by DTD before we went.

My current guy asked if I would like to stay at his after we went out for our 3rd date as he lived near where we were going and I had to get a train home so I accepted but told myself that it didn't mean I had to do anything I wasn't comfortable with. We did DTD but because I wanted to, not because I felt I should.

Original poster
MrDrummer · 02/05/2019 11:26

Weirdly, I quite like reading a good rant on a profile about how rubbish OLD is, or not to expect dtd on the first date, etc. One LTR from OLD had "I don't put-out on the first date" at the bottom of her profile!

OP posts:
Sunshineandflipflops · 02/05/2019 11:31

@MrDrummer...and did she...? Wink

emski1972 · 02/05/2019 11:40

Can I have a moan please?
This is messing with my head and I don't like it..Date arranged for tonight with someone I have been seeing but haven't seen for a few weeks ( in the middle of messy divorce no 2...yeah I know I should know better) agreed on Monday to meet tonight. Have been practising restraint so not been texting since Monday we are both busy...9 am I asked so whats the plan for tonight?
Silence....I think I've been dumped.
I mean why not just say? We are supposed to be Adults!
I've arranged my kids for the evening and everything. What a twat....

Ant330 · 02/05/2019 11:40

I picked MissOz up from the airport last night after her 10 days away, pleased to say that for both of us absence does indeed make the heart grow fonder, we were both concerned before she went that it might be a case of out of sight out of mind.
But my whole body aches this morning as we had a lot of making up to do 😂
I think it was 30 who said she might be looking for reasons or excuses why it's not going to work long term, and I know I'm doing the same.
I don't know if it's going to last but I am enjoying it for what it is know, just have a nagging concern that I don't want to hurt her.
Very pleased to hear that the smitten bench is getting busier, don't think I'm there yet though.

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