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Original poster

Dating Thread 157 - Kitten or Smitten: Which bench are *you* on?

999 replies

MrDrummer · 28/04/2019 20:23

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Link to previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3566658-Dating-Thread-156-It-is-hot-hot-hot

OP posts:
lifegoes · 01/05/2019 16:30

Had the strangest day, had a dream about my ex and all day I've been overwhelmed with emotions and thoughts about them.

I'm not sure if it's because I've heard from another ex, or if I'm lonely. I don't know. But I've never had this before.

Any advice or anyone else done the same. It's been months since I last even thought of them.

StarryUnicorn · 01/05/2019 16:33

StealthNinjaMum ask him about his tractor, I live in a properly rural area and I can tell you they never bloody shut up once drunk and talking about tractors Grin

30somethingandsingle · 01/05/2019 16:43

I'm still confused about what it is with MrFox. When I am with him it's lovely, he's kind and thoughtful and great in bed... but I feel like there is something missing. I'm not really sure what and I don't feel it all the time. I'm not sure if it's me just trying to find excuses or whether feeling like this means he's just not right for me...

JeSuisPrest · 01/05/2019 16:54

@30somethingandsingle Do you think about him a lot when you're not together, by which I mean you check your phone as soon as you wake up to see if you have a message or you want to send him a good morning message, you smile if he messages you through the day unexpectedly, you see or hear something and make a mental note to tell him about it because he'd find it funny or you know he'd be interested in it? Sounds a bit teenagery, but I know I really like someone if I can't get them off my mind when I'm not with them 🤷🏻‍♀️

JeSuisPrest · 01/05/2019 17:03

@Nowthefunbegins Gosh that sounds tough, but I'm glad you're looking after yourself and moving forward in a positive way. I think many on this board will vouch for the benefits of counselling. x

30somethingandsingle · 01/05/2019 17:28

@JeSuisPrest yes to all of those! As corny as it sounds! Grin

JeSuisPrest · 01/05/2019 17:35

@30somethingandsingle to be fair, they were the ones I was least embarrassed to write out 😳. I'd say you've got the feels. How long has it been now? About 6/8 weeks? Maybe you're just moving into a new phase of the relationship?

Original poster
MrDrummer · 01/05/2019 17:38

Fantastic, Just shared my screen with my boss to explain something and I flipped to a tab that had my email open which was a "mrdrummer have been mentioned on the dating thread" It must have been visible for a excruciating 15 seconds, while I tried to pretend there was nothing there and type a different address into the url bar.

OP posts:
kerkyra · 01/05/2019 17:55

Had a lovely date with younger man. Sitting outside a village pub in the sun. I actually think there was a spark.... yay! He's txt to ask to meet again so we're meeting tomorrow. Will call him mr developer.

oh cringe drummer. Funny if he was on the thread too!

JeSuisPrest · 01/05/2019 18:04

@MrDrummer Was it @StealthNinjaMum being not very stealthy or ninjery? 😂

Off for date number 5 sleepover with MrCornish. He's really growing on me. I might be in trouble.

Original poster
MrDrummer · 01/05/2019 18:12

@kerkyra My boss is a she...

Could have been worse... could have been a porn site... or maybe that would have been easier to explain than mumsnet dating thread!!😂

OP posts:
Sunshineandflipflops · 01/05/2019 18:12

@TooOld I am having similar issues at the moment in that I am not instigating a divorce as I refuse to pay for the pleasure of my ex husband having an affair so if he wants a divorce, he can sort it and pay.
I do want to know where I stand with the house though so am going to see a solicitor next week.
Being a grown up sucks sometimes.

Original poster
MrDrummer · 01/05/2019 18:13

@JeSuisPrest I think Mr. Cornish owes me a drink... or maybe you owe me a drink... or fuck it... you both owe a drink!

OP posts:
30somethingandsingle · 01/05/2019 18:14

@JeSuisPrest I think I do, and I think that may be the problem- that I'm looking for excuses reasons to end it. My inner self is panicking.

It's been 7 weeks I think, I've lost count of how many dates now. I'm not sure if we are moving from dating stages though, there's still so much I don't know about him or him me- even basic stuff. Humm, it's been over a decade since I've been single and looking, and even then 'dating' was totally different to now.

Sidge · 01/05/2019 18:16

@sunshineandflipflops I instigated the divorce with my ex, due to his adultery. He had to pay for the divorce! Judge awarded costs to be covered by him even though I was the petitioner as he was the adulterer. I did have to pay in instalments up front to my solicitor but later on in the process he had to reimburse me, and pay all court costs etc.

You might be surprised. At the end of the day it doesn’t really matter who divorces who, but I just wanted to get it done.

Sunshineandflipflops · 01/05/2019 18:24

@Sidge Ae agreed at the time to wait 2 years anyway and go ‘no fault’ (which is laughable considering) because I just couldn’t face divorce on top of everything else at the time and I was advised that it’s quite difficult to prove adultery.

I’m not against divorcing him at all but I know he will just assume I will sort it all because I always did everything responsible in our marriage. I simply don’t have the money for a divorce trough and don’t intend to get married again, whereas he is still with the OW so he may feel differently at some point.

Ideally I’d love to be divorced from him at this point but the house is my main priority for me and the kids.

Sidge · 01/05/2019 18:30

Yeah I get that. It sucks doesn’t it 😕. Hope you can sort it relatively painlessly.

StealthNinjaMum · 01/05/2019 18:33

mrdrummer not @ing you in case you get an email but...... CRINGE.

I thought you worked from home. Will never @ you again.

It could've been worse, you could have been on a housekeeping thread, sporners corner, or the sex board.

Original poster
MrDrummer · 01/05/2019 18:37

@StealthNinjaMum I do, but I shared my screen remotely.

OP posts:
StealthNinjaMum · 01/05/2019 18:40

My child saw a WhatsApp from you mrdrummer and apparently your name is the name of one of daddy's friends so daddy might wonder why his friend is whasapping me. Meh.

Good job she didn't see one from hairyarsedman because WhatsApp calls him hairyarsedman! That would be harder to explain.

Original poster
MrDrummer · 01/05/2019 18:50

@StealthNinjaMum I had someone in as "RealFirstName Mumsnet" and I was staring at it thinking at it the other day, who the hell is that? Fortunately we had reason to re-converse, so now I have their username in there, too.

How do you know I am not friends with your ex?

I don't get pm's off @hairarsedman any more although it might be my turn to reply, I can't remember!

OP posts:
30somethingandsingle · 01/05/2019 18:59

Yes you can claim divorce costs from the other side.
I initiated proceedings, initially I was intending to wait, but it gave me great satisfaction writing down the full details of his affair knowing that his family would see it but I wanted to take control for the first time and do what I wanted. It was liberating actually. He admitted it all and did not contest. Now just sorting finances- of which I am fighting for 100% of the house (which I think I will get).

StealthNinjaMum · 01/05/2019 19:03

How do you know I am not friends with your ex?

That would be funny. I guess you won't be telling random men at your hobby that you are on mumsnet whatsapping single mums so he'll never find out!

Lucky for you hairyarsedman understands that people are busy and won't hold a grudge against you (see about 10 pages up)

Ash559 · 01/05/2019 19:13

I am enjoying following all of your dating stories!

How important are looks to you, especially on a first date? Im struggling badly on Match

SimonJT · 01/05/2019 19:23

I stuck to my word and didn’t get drunk last night, I only had one beer (which also made it less painful on my wallet). So we only stayed out for about an hour, then we went back to his and played on the xbox.

I discussed what he wants (in general, not from me specifically), he said he wasn’t really sure, he said he would be happy finding someone casual, but if he found someone he wanted more with he would be happy (but worried about the idea of ‘settling’ down).

I broached the whole having an FB again, he basically said it isn’t hugely different to him going on dates with people, which is true I guess.

As someone who has never dated, so you can see I have no idea what I’m doing!