Dating Thread 157 - Kitten or Smitten: Which bench are *you* on?

[MrDrummer]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Link to previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3566658-Dating-Thread-156-It-is-hot-hot-hot

messages=messaged*
they=then*

Sigh

Yes, batshit, I see your problem. I have one useless and one OK sibling, and the latter will help with Dad when the time comes. But he won't head off a lonely old age for me, that's for sure, as we only have Dad in common. It is a bit like looking down the barrel of a gun isn't it? Sorry to be a downer

Another reason why I like the idea of Living Apart Together is because after about 15 years of living together, when I left, I left with virtually NOTHING apart from the shirt on my back

Great song Mr Drummer

Well my Friday night date has just cancelled as he has met someone on OLD that he has a spark with and doesn't want to multi date. I wished him well of course. So I have gone from having three dates over the weekend to having just one. And the one that I have got is not a chatty one so I have had very few messages from him. We are just meeting for coffee on Saturday. I hope it goes well.

I have sent a few messages to some 'irons in waiting' to see if they are free on Friday night but actually I am happy with Netflix and a rather nice Pinot Grigio Blush that I have in the fridge.

Living Apart Together is a good idea in terms of finances as it protects your children's inheritance (if there is any, hollow laugh). It's not so good in terms of duplicating expenditure etc. I'm sure there are other pros and cons as well aside from the main, perhaps enduring, con that you are just hedging your bets in the long term?

MrDrummer I think this thread starting malarkey is going to your head

MrDrummer I never play the swipe right on everyone game but I have accidentally super liked people on tinder before and matched usually whilst I’m trying to swipe left quickly due to them being unattractive or not my type, these are always the ones to message straight away too.

Cassettes I always seem to meet men with no money and no assets so I guess part of the whole 'living apart' thing for me is protecting my children's inheritance as I own my house. I agree that you then don't make savings in outgoings but I am happy to forgo those, although I realise that I am lucky enough to be able to manage financially on my own.

I would like company in my old age, which is one of the reasons I want to meet someone who lives locally, so we can pop around to see each other regularly. I realise that people can relocate, and I have many years ahead of me (hopefully) before I get too geriatric, but I don't want to be driving for 90 minutes to see my other half when I am 75!

love that super like thing really can catch you out, can't it? I too have accidentally super liked someone who was truly not my type (to put it politely). I haven't played the swipe right on everyone game, mainly because so many of the guys in my feed are so awful that I just couldn't bring myself to do it. However, there have been times when I get a notification telling me that I have a new match, and I look at the photo and have no recollection of swiping right on them! So maybe I sleep Tinder or something as I have had some unfortunate matches that I would never knowingly have swiped right on. Of course the Friday night Pinot Grigio may be to blame

I just looked on POF and flicked through ‘meet me’. I’m finding it hard to find any men my age or older atractive in any way, I wouldn’t say I’m fussy, I’m just looking for a friendly face, most of them look angry and messed up, half of them look like they have just gotten out of prison 🤣.

@Lovemusic33

half of them look like they have just gotten out of prison

And the other half look like they are just going into prison?

@StarryUnicorn Apparently thread-related humour is now "expected" of me. So I have about two-and-a-half days to think of a funny way of closing the thread.

Lovemusic I never look at the 'meet me' feature on POF. I do look at the 'near me' feature as that shows guys who are in my age range and located near me - they show it by distance. I agree though that many of the guys on POF look rather rough, although I do wonder what they say about the women. I think I look decent enough in my photos but of course I would say that. So many men seem to have awful selfies of them in the bathroom mirror or photos of them wearing sunglasses holding a pint of lager!

No pressure then MrDrummer. I think you have a lot to live up to after your post about the jamming session.

@lilyrose88 I’ve never really been single which I think is why I was scared of being on my own but I have always been very practical. Ex actually complained I was too independent and didn’t need him. At the time I disagreed but he was right, I don’t need him. I thought I would miss the emotional support and affection but he said such mean and judgemental things about me that he completely killed any love I had for him.

So now I think, like you, I’d like someone who’s equal - not needy and not dominant. Personally I don’t think we do put men of our age off by being independent, I think most men at least expect a woman to be financially independent.

@LilyRose88 Jamming one was nowhere near as good as @JeSuisPrest's plumber one. Comedy gold. I did give my practice kit a damn good thrashing afterwards because I realised I would probably make a fool of myself if I tried to play in a band setting right now.

I think most men at least expect a woman to be financially independent.

I would rather die a lonely old man than have a woman financially dependent on me again. Amongst other things, my seperated/deceased stole from me (and from DD, via maintenance money) being diverted to catfishers.

Just figured out that my cleaner stole some money from my wallet and it has brought back huge flashbacks.

@MrDrummer I can't remember JeSuisPrest's post about the plumber. It must have been good if it was better than your throbbing drumstick!

Omg I am Germany for work. The men are all giants!

MrDrummer my last long-term ex was an absolute drain on my finances. He had no shame and promptly gave up work shortly after he moved in with me. He would occasionally get a job when I complained enough, but would always manage to have a mental health episode after a couple of months and have to give it up. I am 99% certain that his episodes were part of his controlling abusive behaviour, rather than a bona fide illness. And all in all he ended up living rent and bill-free with me for nearly 5 of the 6 years we were together. I look back and think that like your ex, he stole from me, albeit in a different way.

@Marlboroandmalbec34

Du moechte gern deutsche bratwurst?

Lily and Stealth - I've been married 3 times, so only spent a small time living alone or back with parents. I love male company and not just the sex ok, it was just sex sometimes, lol.

I have a dilemma that I should probably post elsewhere but fear tumbleweed. My ex and I own the marital home with a smallish mortgage which I'm easily paying. I agreed to sell and split proceeds when son goes upto High school, late next yr. My Dad died last year and my Mum isn't in good health. My Bro moved in 5 yrs ago when he split with his wife. I can't afford a mortgage on my own. I can't get benefits as will have too much in 'savings from the house sale'. I don't want to 'waste' my saving paying private rent. There is only 1 bedroom spare at my Mum's, which my son could have. I can't think of a way forward. And to echo other's thoughts, I'm better at being together but living apart with MrWow. I just don't know what to do! Sorry for the long and off topic post. Any idea's anyone?

Marlboro can you send a few of them my way

@casettesarecool how lovely that you have a good relationship with your father. I’m envious as I have a terrible relationship with mine.

@starryunicorn for some reason your post has now made me imagine @mrdrummer singing ‘I’m a thread-starter, twisted thread-starter’ with a Keith Flint haircut and scary makeup.

Well my single buttock is edging off the cougar bench. Having had a day of messaging between me and Mr Farmer yesterday I decided to ask some more intellectually challenging questions like what his hobbies were and I have had nothing back since 6 this morning. I think I frightened him away.

@LilyRose88 If anybody knows where plumber innuendo post is at, please repost. The whole thread was crying, it was so funny.