Dating Thread 157 - Kitten or Smitten: Which bench are *you* on?

[MrDrummer]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Link to previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3566658-Dating-Thread-156-It-is-hot-hot-hot

@Peanuthedz 😂😂 do I get the throne?!
We're 9 months in now and all going good despite the age difference. In all honesty on paper I wasn't interested when I saw his age originally but he was refreshingly so different from the other generic planks that were messaging me at the time (a variety of ages!) and here we are 🤷🏼‍♀️
Toad in the hole made me lol 😂😂

I also drop out mid convo. I'll start watching something on teli and then go to bed and don't even think about it. I appreciate it could come across as rude though. However, if it is mid conversation I would always apologise and say why I hadn't replied (normally because I'd fallen asleep 😂). I definitely wouldn't bring it up as then they'd only be replying so as not to piss me off and I'd hate that!

Dropping out of a convo in the middle...in the beginning I accept it. Though, let's be real, it gets stashed in my mind as...probably chatting to other irons. Or freinds etc. Fair enough. But I think if youre doing that you kinda need to learn to balance all the plates. One time doing it wouldn't bother me but if they did it a few times...I wouldn't say anything but they'd go down in my order of priorities. It's more about balance really. Why invest energy into someone who isn't investing it back in whatever medium?

I hate when people drop mid conversation, doesn't take a lot to say chat later or off to bed.

Oh dear supercali77. I need to be better. I would add, only talking to the one iron and I'm still shit at messaging 🙈😂.

I asked Mr Ur if we can WhatsApp rather than text and he's gone completely quiet. Guess he's using a cheap phone or something but???

@ItsAMiracle2015 ah didn't mean to make you feel bad about your texting habits. It's more if the texting is rapid, both online throughout etc and they suddenly go 'poof' and then pop up a day later and randomly initiate another convo. After a few convos like that I'll be kinda .... whatever about responding quickly. I think as well if you say 'fell asleep / took a call' or whatever it shows consideration and is less of an issue then

lifegoes maybe controllings the wrong word, but I would look for red flags. I think I'm sensitive because my ex has said some awful things about me - some true, some untrue - and if I was at the early stage of getting to know someone I would not accept anything that looks like a criticism of me, especially something which wouldn't upset me like not texting back quickly enough.

If I vanish mid conversation and it makes someone unhappy it implies to me that they don't understand my life and haven't listened to the stuff that's going on - another red flag. I may be just a stay at home mum but I have lots of volunteering commitments and hobbies and can be in a meeting checking my phone but not replying just like anyone can.

Why not just say he doesn't have WA Mel6l72? Have you seen if he's in your contacts on WA? If he's not, then he doesn't have it.

Thinking on it. If I know someones got their kids about....i totally just accept drop out. Children wait for no man haha

I don't understand why he doesn't just tell me itsamiracle . He's not registered on WhatsApp yet. Should be easy to register? Oh well....

Hahaha love that @crackofdoom if you have always been like that then it's no different tbh. Everyone has a style

@ItsAMiracle2015 it's def mid conversation ie in-depth conversation I find rude. General chit chat I couldn't careless as sometimes I see a text read it and think nothing to reply to there.

@supercali77 absolutely agree with that and that's what I tend to do. If they do it a few times I don't say anything I just reply the same rule back to them. Read and reply when I feel like it.

@StealthNinjaMum I guess it's a different perspective on things. For me it's not about replying quick enough. It's literally the mid convo and then reply hours later but has been online and said during the chat just chilling at home. For me to see it as rudeness it would be actual rudeness. But again it's just learning different peoples style of texting.

An ex of mine would text and then nothing for hours but he was like that from day one so it didn't even bother me in the slightest.

@Mel6l72 maybe he's installing it as we speak 🙈. Maybe he does have an old phone but he could just say no I don't have it. It's not hard

Tbf I wish WA never existed in dating

I turned off last seen and blue ticks on WA lifegoes. It's definitely helped!!

@MrDrummer you crack me up. To be fair all of you do, this thread makes me laugh so much. I wish we could have a Dating Thread summer meet up and put names to faces. It would be hilarious!

So I’ll be absent from the Cougar Bench tomorrow night as I have dinner with Mr Italian (11 years younger). He offered to come over tonight and give me a massage as I’m back from the funeral and have driven 800 miles over the last four days. I had to decline 1, I don’t have men here when my kids are here and 2, he is the noisiest person I have EVER had sex with 🤣🤣

@lifegoes I know I'm not perfect and I suppose I do do stuff like fall asleep with my phone in my hand but my good friends also know that since ex left I have been practically nocturnal and they wouldn't want me to be texting at 3am because I fell asleep with the phone in my hand earlier.

@ItsAMiracle2015 I've actually done that (blue ticks off) since you said last time. When I get a new man it might help. 😂😂

@StealthNinjaMum oh no I certainly didn't mean anything bad by what I was saying. I really was just interested in different views as it's really helpful to understand for me tbh.

So true about WhatsApp being a pita. I legit wish the 'online' status woild bugger off. It induces so much bloody overthinking for everyone

I've begun to wonder if what some people put in their title is the opposite of what they are. Respectful - was anything but. Genuine - really not. Sane - hmmm maybe not too

Am sure not everyone is like that

@lifegoes very helpful for me too. I must be much less annoying to people thanks to this thread.

Sidge that is hilarious. My last two boyfriends have been dead silent in bed, which I found quite unnerving. I like a little bit of noise - it shows appreciation.

Acoustics to the flat next to me are great. Begun to think they are terrible to flat above me as evidenced by hearing creaking above me twice when I was using my vibrator. And I wasn't noisy and nor is it.

@shitwithsugaron @LilyRose88 I like a bit of noise, some moaning and groaning is great as I see it as feedback. I don’t want a running commentary, had that once and had to tell him to stop as it was weirding me out. Silent sex is weird, I almost want to ask them if they’re really concentrating or pretending they’re elsewhere.

Mr Italian is bizarrely loud, freaked me out at first but then I decided he was just being stereotypically Italian and very animalistic and passionate 🤣🤣.

Yeah if I didn't get a response to a message for a day or 2 I'd be pissed, and I'd also think they weren't interested. I think it depends on context. I do think I need to get better at it though as I hadn't thought about it before.

I do struggle with the asking about whether someone is talking to someone else, going on dates etc and I'm never sure at what point it's okay to ask that. But that's just because I don't do multi-dating talking (I love that my photo automatically put shagging instead of talking 😂😂).