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Original poster

Dating Thread 157 - Kitten or Smitten: Which bench are *you* on?

999 replies

MrDrummer · 28/04/2019 20:23

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Link to previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3566658-Dating-Thread-156-It-is-hot-hot-hot

OP posts:
30somethingandsingle · 30/04/2019 17:56

I also stopped reading and my mind went into overdrive when I got to the 'fake' part!

30somethingandsingle · 30/04/2019 17:57

If you hide your profile on pof, can people you have previously messaged still view your profile or does it show as hidden?

JeSuisPrest · 30/04/2019 18:01

Yes, they can still message you on POF even if profile is hidden.

Emojina · 30/04/2019 18:09

Ringing and not taking the hint that it’s not a good time is a definite dealbreaker...

FWB without benefits (or sounds like friendship either) does not sound like fun...

Grammatical errors - I missed an apostrophe when chatting to an iron. Hopefully it’s not a sacking offence... I’d give them the benefit of the doubt.

starryunicorn I’ve had my first ever dates this year. (Although was in an 18 year relationship but we never dated just went to pubs with our mates...) It’s a whole different world. But I’m trying to enjoy it and learn something from each person I meet even if it’s just a greater understanding of what I’m looking for...

StealthNinjaMum · 30/04/2019 18:10

mrdrummer Grin

Emojina · 30/04/2019 18:11

And yes my radius is 3 miles. I live in London... I’m also lazy and commute for work so cba to commute for dating...

Original poster
MrDrummer · 30/04/2019 18:27

Jam night is bloody cancelled, after all that. Ho hum. Next week.

OP posts:
shitwithsugaron · 30/04/2019 18:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ItsAMiracle2015 · 30/04/2019 18:32

lifegoes I was at I wonder if it's a full on doll or just the vagina 🤔😂.

I don't pull irons up on not replying quick enough or dropping out of conversations as I'm terrible at it so that would be hypercritical 🤷. I have a date on Sunday. No time specified or place as I said we'd decide nearer the time. That was last night. He replied with sounds good. He messaged this morning saying he hoped I had a good day at work and did I watch GOT. Didn't reply until I got in from work at 6pm. I am shit 🙈😂😂.

Mel6l72 · 30/04/2019 18:33

Does the kitten bench have room for another? I can create a neighbouring gin and coffee bench so we don't get dehydrated

I was on here a few weeks ago but needed to delete my account so hi everyone.

I am on fab. I much prefer older men and think there's far more younger men, by younger I mean 20s and 30s.

I have two irons at the moment. Mr Malbec and Mr Ur. I don't like text speak but Mr Ur seems very interesting. Hopefully I'll get to meet them both soon. Mr Malbec will probably need to be told to calm the fuck down at some point.

Sadly the first three men I was interested in ending up either being a time waster, really rude or wasn't interested in me.

The block feature comes in handy but I must say the men have all been polite.

lifegoes · 30/04/2019 18:38

@ItsAMiracle2015 I think he really has one, but which is it 🤔 I'm going full on doll.

Tbh I don't mind if that's the pattern all the time, it's when it shifts or when you are in the middle of a conversation and they just read it and disappear. ESP a few weeks in.

Was talking to my therapist today and I think it's safe to say I never dated in my teenage years as by a young age I was in an abusive relationship till I was late 20's and then never dated for years. Then a few relationships.

So this is my "teenage" dating and I've probably got so much to learn about what's expected and accepted. So really just going to enjoy it now rather than investing

Mel6l72 · 30/04/2019 18:42

I kind of relate to that. I avoided relationships lifegoes to prevent getting close to people.

lifegoes · 30/04/2019 18:46

@Mel6l72 yeah absolutely and now we are ready it's a bloody minefield 😂😂

crackofdoom · 30/04/2019 18:46

emojina my range is about 70 miles!
.....and that's what happens when you live in the extreme South West Grin.

Just back from a coffee date with Mr Greek. Hmmm....interesting....usually I know whether I like someone or not by the end of a date, but this one gets the wobbly hand of indecision. I like him, and there was a bit of a spark, even though he's not really conventionally attractive. He is very stereotypically Greek- cocky, fiery, opinionated, and there was even a bit of interrupting going on. However, IME Greek men can cope with being told how to behave in quite a forcible fashion, without going all PA and sulky in the way English blokes can. We had the beginnings of a fine old political argument, it was great fun Grin.

Problem is, he's really struggling ATM, in the sense of working 2 jobs (so exhausted) yet still skint, hasn't got a car (very, very useful down here). He is actively looking for a better job, but I definitely get the sense that life isn't a lot of fun for him at the moment, so don't know how he'd manage to be a fun partner. Think I'll probably see him again though.

lifegoes · 30/04/2019 18:50

Think I'll prob see him again

Was not how I expected the end of that post to go @crackofdoom 😂😂

Mel6l72 · 30/04/2019 18:51

Exactly lifegoes. If there's no rocks near by for me to crawl back under, I'll try under the bench. Please noone kick me

StealthNinjaMum · 30/04/2019 18:55

lifegoes another one here who doesn't mind when people vanish in the middle of a text conversation because I do it myself. I am a lot better recently as I learnt from this thread how some people think it's rude. I think if an iron pulled me up on it I'd look for other signs of being controlling.

30somethingandsingle · 30/04/2019 18:59

Just logged into fab for the first time in ages, just to have a nosey and see there is a message that took about 10 swipes down to get to the bottom of... from a guy that I messaged twice... saying how sorry he is and he's gutted he's hurt me... wtf?! Dodged a bullet there!

lifegoes · 30/04/2019 19:04

I'm quite concerned that someone would see it as controlling for saying that you were a bit offended someone disappeared mid convo and didn't acknowledge that.

I mean don't get me wrong, whilst I've found it rude I've never actually said anything as I didn't feel I had a right to. @StealthNinjaMum

crackofdoom · 30/04/2019 19:09

Wow lifegoes, that has me wondering if I'm not choosy enough.

(spirals into existential crisis. Again.)

Then again, having re read the entire thread, including the last 2-3 pages of utter filth (you vixens), I did find myself thinking of him in, er....that kind of context. And that thought was pleasing Blush

lifegoes · 30/04/2019 19:11

Haha @crackofdoom it was the way you wrote it up. I thought oh, she doesn't seem interested in him and you did 😀

StarryUnicorn · 30/04/2019 19:11

lifegoes- it's when it shifts or when you are in the middle of a conversation and they just read it and disappear.

Of course, context is everything, and repeatedly berating someone about replies is controlling, but maybe you need to try out being a little bit controlling, see how that feels?

lifegoes · 30/04/2019 19:14

@StarryUnicorn oh yes consistently telling anyone to do anything is controlling.

But I would never walk away mid conversation with someone IRL so I guess I apply my same logic whist texting or I say I've got to pop out, or off to bed. Or if I come back I'm "sorry, got caught up in..."

But everyone is very different and I'm learning that I'm OLD

crackofdoom · 30/04/2019 19:20

lifegoes I do love a balanced pros and cons list. I also have to factor into the equation that all my impressions today are tainted by the fact that I have the most COLOSSAL PMT. I've got a sick note letting me off decision making until my period comes Grin.

Re: the wandering off mid message.....Oh dear. Is that not good etiquette? I thought that was part of the joy of messaging! Blush

Emojina · 30/04/2019 19:21

Yes lifegoes you are totally right, it’s easy enough to say I’m off to bed now or whatever. You are right - I wouldn’t just wander off mid chat in real life.

I guess I’d be a bit put off if someone I hadn’t met asked why I hadn’t replied immediately even though I’d been online. I think mrdrummer said before something like he prefers to give his replies his full attention, I’m the same. Today for example I was at a work conference and then at the drs with one of my kids. Neither particularly conducive to (anyone seen first dates - isn’t this the worst word???) flanter...