Dating Thread 157 - Kitten or Smitten: Which bench are *you* on?

[MrDrummer]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Link to previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3566658-Dating-Thread-156-It-is-hot-hot-hot

@Marlboroandmalbec34 Telling someone they are a crap texter... over text... has never ended well for me. Surprisingly, I never learn!

Phew sunshine

Same cassette I just think when it’s always such a long shagathon it almost feels controlled you know? Sometimes it’s nice to see a man lose control a bit quicker as it makes you feel desirable 🤷‍♀️

Haha drummer I know I have probs shot myself in the foot but it does my bloody head in!

Malbro I think it’s all about control, I talked a lot with Mr SA about how he had learnt to make it last as long as possible, I don’t think it means your a crap shag at all, if you were he would want it to end sooner?

Cassette deffently about variety, a long shagging session is great when you have the time. For me a quickie only works if there’s built up sexual tension before hand or if it’s in a risky place 🤣

Yes, that’s it marlboro I’m not much into self-control myself so don’t expect it of partners - so long as we both end up happy!

>Does anyone have a real long laster sex wise?

Er... no 🤣

Reading the posts something has really hit home for me today that I don't state things clearly when chatting to guys then allow things to overthink in my head

IE. - if I don't like something I find it hard to say as I'm scared to push them away or look like I'm overreacting (which is very bizarre as in any other walk of life I'm brutally honest and wouldn't care either way)

So I never ask if they are chatting to others, even when I've been asked (accused) myself
When they do something IE drop out of a text mid convo and go radio silent but are online. Then come back hours later with no apology or reason I say nothing. Yet it will really bug me.

I don't do this during dating stage as I feel it makes me look silly and I have no right to question.

But I'm intrigued now as to why I shouldn't and why we shouldn't be allowed to say these things?

Thoughts?

To last along time a man just needs strong PC muscles and then needs to squeeze his PC muscle before the point of no return. If he gets good at it he can have stronger orgasms, multiple orgasms and orgasm without ejaculation. Ejaculation isnt the goal.

I have had long sex with guys, I've obviously enjoyed it loads during. As I tend to not think of sex as just full sex. I'm often quite impressed at guys who can last quite long, but always let them know when I need them to end it 😂

@NestOfSwipers Bench of invisibility suits me, not yet gotten to a second date in the last year let alone dtd with anyone. Really don't know why I'm not meeting anyone I click with.....help!

Mr Farmer is keen. Lots of messages, it's obvious what he wants.

I am just trying to make toad in the hole for dinner.

He seems to want the same thing

lifegoes it is the plague of politeness, and also you assuming the deferential position, you are assuming their needs are more important than yours.

If a good friend or a family member drops a text conversation, most people would assume the other person is dealing with something important or distracting and not be bothered about it because you trust them.

Where that trust does not exist, you have every right to be annoyed at someone flaking out of a conversation and then acting like it didn't happen.

Maybe you could consciously be on the lookout for it, and try calling it out the next time it happens, see how that makes you feel, see how boundaries affect behaviour.

Really valid point @StarryUnicorn as the last few times something has happened I've ignored it. Yet later found out the reason was bigger than that I had thought. Then kick myself thinking if I'd just asked or made my point earlier.

I'm going to do that

StealthNinjaMum didn't you ask earlier in the thread what it was that younger blokes are after? I guess now you know

I’m going to speed shove some omlette into my son, then I’m off on tonights drinks date, I haven’t eaten and I have promised myself not to get drunk...

stealth proper snorted at toad in the hole 😂

Then kick myself thinking if I'd just asked or made my point earlier.

Probable misquote of someone famous "Madness - repeating the same action, each time expecting a different result"

If things aren't working, there is no risk giving something else a try.

This is of course outrageous hypocrisy coming from me

StarryUnicorn I had kind of assumed that and had a mini crisis in confidence earlier. I like myself but still find it odd a man that young would like me. I am mulling over how to reply. After the brief messages we have exchanged there is no intellectual connection in fact no real connection at all. But maybe he is very bad at messaging - and as I've said before I'm not great at it either. I might meet him once to see what he's like in person. I am absolutely not going to dtd - even casually - without any sort of connection.

lifegoes I don’t question dropping convos early on as that is basically controlling - but I log it in my mind. And I know how irritating I find it so longer term it does have to be questioned. But in the end if it’s WA it’s a minefield as I’m on it all the time with friends, colleagues and family as well as irons

@wishywashy6 you are the original cougar! The bench has your name on a plaque! I used to read your posts and think... really? 11 years? I just wouldn't be interested...I stand corrected.

Toad in the hole.

Yes I have a man who lasts. And I'm not bored. I like it...

CasettesareCool thank you and it's true, my children are having toad in the hole! But I have cheated with frozen yorkshire pudding

Stealth 😂😂

I like variety - some urgent quickies, some longer erm ... sessions. A FWB who is a crap shag is a bit pointless - I would definitely end that arrangement! No need to pretend to be out, just say it's not working for you.

Lily I know exactly what you mean - you can tell a lot from the way someone is on the phone.

lifegoes I would mention it at the time - no need to be confrontational.

So, I have a special date tonight, but I am a bit nervous.

It's so long since I have done it, I am so concerned I am out-of-practice. I think my technique isn't what it used to be. Sure I have practiced on my fake one at home, but it's just not the same. I am frightened I lose my grip of the shaft... I could take someone's eye out if I am not careful. I hope my wrist-action won't let me down once I have that 14-incher between my legs. God forbid I don't over-tighten the head. I hope it is a heavy ride with a good bell.

I will probably chicken out altogether and just watch other people.

Off to a jam night, so will hopefully be playing drums. What else did you think I was talking about?

So many conflicting replies 😂😂

@MrDrummeI I stopped reading at "fake one" as my mind went into is a full rubber doll, is it a fake vagina. Wonder how he finds it? Does it get wet etc

I really really hope nobody on MN is called MrDrummeL as he's just got the below notification.