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Original poster

Dating Thread 157 - Kitten or Smitten: Which bench are *you* on?

999 replies

MrDrummer · 28/04/2019 20:23

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Link to previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3566658-Dating-Thread-156-It-is-hot-hot-hot

OP posts:
Neverexpected2 · 30/04/2019 12:51

Well I'm 3 weeks in with MrC (short for camper) and date 4 confirmed for tomorrow night - and hes staying over at mine 😏

All going well so far - who knew huh?!

lifegoes · 30/04/2019 13:05

Oh @kerkyra I wouldn't met you haha.

If a guy did that, I just wouldn't meet. I need to know who I'm meeting and if there is anything between us before do. IE a spark. The only way I get that is through texting, I like to see his personality a bit.

Eesha · 30/04/2019 13:11

@StarryUnicorn yes he has that kind of job though no real excuse for evenings. I texted a hello today and we had mini chat and i tried double checking our date, I'm kinda inclined to leave it now as if he doesn't keep any momentum going, think I'm done.

kerkyra · 30/04/2019 13:13

I know what you mean, but I've had so many dates where there has been no spark. I can get on with anyone via txting but for me,it is all in that first meet.

Maybe i'd better txt him again quick so he knows i'm still interested :/ !

I'm still crap at this after four years of it haha

BatshitCrazyWoman · 30/04/2019 13:29

putastraw I met Mr BC as a social with a view to a FWB arrangement. Weirdly, I didn't think he was that keen - but we went from coffee, to drinks to dinner ... I liked him - it was much more like a really good first date.

We properly met (in a Fab way) the following week and there was definitely something there, as well as the sex. The next morning I asked if he was going to continue to meet people on Fab and he said no .... and it went from there ....

LilyRose88 · 30/04/2019 13:45

I have just been contacted b ya guy on POF who has got an old black and white photo of a youngish guy (I guess it is him) boxing. But the weird thing is that I am sure I have seen the same photo on someone else's profile. I think I will ask him about the photo.

LilyRose88 · 30/04/2019 13:46

Note to self - proof read your message before pressing post message!

LilyRose88 · 30/04/2019 14:01

Well I've now got a coffee date on Monday so that's three dates lined up this weekend. Mr Sales aged 46 on Friday evening, Mr FX Trader aged 46 (but looks quite a bit older) for coffee on Saturday afternoon and Mr Rehab Support Worker aged 52 on Monday for coffee. And they are all local!

CassettesAreCool · 30/04/2019 14:08

LilyRose88 go you!

How big an age difference does there need to be to qualify for the cougar bench? Is 6 years younger enough? I really want to be on a bench!

LilyRose88 · 30/04/2019 14:16

Cassettes we can shuffle up and make room for you on the cougar bench.

Lovemusic33 · 30/04/2019 14:27

Hi people, haven’t been posting much as the thread moves so fast I can’t keep up. Just looking for some advice...

Mr No Hair seems to have become a FWB though I’m confused as to what he thinks it is. He seems to think he can just pop over for sex when he wishes. I’m ok with a FWB if I feel there’s no real connection and I don’t think there is here, only problem being he’s not really that great in bed, I don’t think we are suited in the bedroom, we have DTD twice, I have it a second go hoping it would be better than the first time (first times are never great) but nope, it was pretty much the same, he seemed to enjoy himself but I didn’t. How do I tell him that he’s not that great in bed? Or do I just back of slowly and hope he vanished? It’s not likely to get any better is it?

I have a couple dates lined up, one with Mr Normal when he gets back from his holiday (not for 2 weeks) and one with Mr Anxiety sometime next week. The date with Mr Normal May never happen as I’m fed up with his text chat and his use of the word ‘banter’. Mr Anxiety seems pretty nice but sent me a photo earlier and his flat/room was really messy.

Original poster
MrDrummer · 30/04/2019 14:35

@Lovemusic33

It’s not likely to get any better is it?

depends what he is doing wrong tbh. Pretty frightened to ask... but what is he doing wrong, without the gory details?

OP posts:
vwman · 30/04/2019 14:40

@Lovemusic33

"he seemed to enjoy himself but I didn’t"

He really doesn't care about whether you enjoy it as long as he does which is the problem. If this was a LTR and he cared about you it may change but the fact is he doesn't care about you and It isn't going to change.

Just tell him that you have met someone dating and promised him exclusivity and you need to stop, no need to be nasty about him being crap in bed, its his problem not yours

Lovemusic33 · 30/04/2019 15:11

Mr Drummer, (without too much detail) he’s not doing much, it’s all ending very quickly 😐, he seems why he’s enjoying him self and I’m not. He does seem to want me to enjoy myself but gets a little to excited and then it’s all over.

Original poster
MrDrummer · 30/04/2019 15:20

@Lovemusic33 Is he aware that isn't really ok? Or does he just think that is normal?

OP posts:
Original poster
MrDrummer · 30/04/2019 15:22

Tbh, it depends on how much you want to invest in him. Things can be improved, but I think only a woman can teach a man.

OP posts:
vwman · 30/04/2019 15:24

If he does want you to enjoy yourself he doesnt know how to do it. He could easily pace himself. A man knows when he is about to reach the point of no return and should start doing his kegel exercises.

Even after that there are many things to do without piv

StealthNinjaMum · 30/04/2019 15:27

Men do kegel exercises?

LilyRose88 · 30/04/2019 15:29

lovemusic33 if the 'benefit' part of the arrangement is not up to scratch then I would just end it to be honest. I thought that the idea of FWB is that it is mutually pleasurable. If you are not suited in the bedroom then it's not going to work as an FWB situation.

Well I just had a very odd experience. Mr Rehab Support Worker asked for my number so that he could text me if either of us were running late for our date on Monday. I sent it to him on POF and he immediately called me. I didn't realise it was him when my phone rang as he hadn't given me his number, so I answered the call. When I realised that it was him I politely explained that I was at work and couldn't really chat, but he wouldn't get off the phone. I had to be very assertive and tell him again that it was not convenient to talk. He then tried to pin me down to a time tonight when he could call me. I explained that I was busy and would text him later.

Maybe it sounds harsh but I thought he was very odd just calling without checking first if it was convenient, plus he sounded very odd on the phone - not my type at all. I suspect he has boundary issues. I decided to politely message him cancelling the date, explaining that I thought we had communication differences. I have also blocked his number on my iPhone. Am I a really horrible person?

CassettesAreCool · 30/04/2019 15:33

Thanks lily, though my bum is pretty big so it might not be all that comfortable for the rest of you on the cougar bench. Sorry. Just want to belong.

love I don’t like the sound of him just popping over for sex whenever he feels like it, but maybe you didn’t really mean that. To my mind though, with FWB comes GIB (good in bed), otherwise what’s the point? So to be honest I’m not sure Mr No Hair sounds like he’s worth it.

Kegel exercises? Do I want to know what these are?

CassettesAreCool · 30/04/2019 15:34

lily absolutely you did the right thing there

StealthNinjaMum · 30/04/2019 15:35

lilyrose not harsh at all. I wouldn't call an iron without checking it was ok first. I would especially hate to bother someone at work.

supercali77 · 30/04/2019 15:36

@LilyRose88 not harsh. Just good boundaries. If you're not feeling it. You're not feeling it.

@Lovemusic33 I dunno if I could be arsed to teach an fwb what the b part is all about. That should be a given

LilyRose88 · 30/04/2019 15:37

Cassettes I'm sure your bum is lovely and there is plenty of room on the bench for a lovely lady who is dating a younger man Grin.

Kegel exercises you say vwman - I thought only us ladies who had given birth needed to do those. Will ask Mr Google when I get home from work (don't want to search when I am in the office).

StealthNinjaMum · 30/04/2019 15:41

I have a buttock on the cougar bench - not sure if the other one is joining it. Exchanging messages with Mr Farmer but he's a man of few words.