Dating Thread 157 - Kitten or Smitten: Which bench are *you* on?

[MrDrummer]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Link to previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3566658-Dating-Thread-156-It-is-hot-hot-hot

I don't have a distance, I consider things like the awkwardness of the route, possible train lines, places to meet in the middle. I don't drink much anyway but have had to be sober for every date I've had as I've had to drive and I'm sure I've been less relaxed because of that. Now I'm looking for dates on the train line.

Have replied to Mr Farmer's message but I have a lot of experience of men approaching me and then ignoring me so I don't expect it to necessarily go anywhere.

I commute to work three days a week and spend 3 hours on the train on those days, so I have decided that I would like to meet someone who lives reasonably close to me. As I live in a well populated coastal area of Sussex that shouldn't prove a problem (in theory). Like Stealth I also look at the awkwardness of the route (and try to avoid driving too far down country lanes!) so sometimes someone who on paper looks quite close to me can actually be quite difficult to get to.

I did think about dating London-based guys but it really depends on where they live in London and whether they have a car. I have actually cancelled my date for Wednesday night as I realised that the guy lived in an awkward part of London for me to reach by train or car, and I just didn't think it was worth going to the effort of meeting each other when I had virtually ruled out a relationship. We do work quite close to each other but I don't really want to be regularly going out after work in London when I have a long journey home afterwards and then have to get up early the next morning to commute in to work again. Hotels are okay for the odd occasion, and I usually book one if I am going to the theatre, but I wouldn't want to do it every week.

Mr Farmer's replied but with a typo. Not sure I can get past it.

@Eesha re texting, there are a lot of jobs where you simply cannot carry a personal mobile with you, I think many people with this sort of role view messaging as being more functional, a tool to organise rather than a way to chat.

@StealthNinjaMum what was the typo

Mr Farmer's replied but with a typo.

There are typos and typos moronspeak , mention it, see if he grovels in shame or not

StealthNinjaMum perhaps he was so excited about messaging you that he made a mistake, or autocorrect played a trick on him. I sometimes mistype things when I am rushing even though I am normally a stickler for spelling and grammar.

I did once block someone who told me that they wanted to 'get to no me' though

lifegoes would rather not say exactly in case it's outing - although given the amount of information I've given it probably is already!

It was words in the wrong order, he was trying to ask what my interests were.

@StealthNinjaMum 👀 genuine mistake or not?

perhaps he was so excited about messaging you that he made a mistake

This is maybe the root of my problem. I like to think I am confident but I am feeling insecure about why any man would be excited about messaging me. Need to remember I'm a bloody prize.

I give far too much information about myself on this thread. I must start to put some fake news in my future posts

StealthNinjaMum that is the root of my not being able to swipe, I am so sure that no one of sane mind would have any interest in me, and fear finding out this is really true.

Apparently the only way anyone can advise me to tackle this is just to push through it and make decisions on real facts, not the made up one's in my head

MrCornish doesn't know the difference between they're, their and there or your and you're - he obviously thinks they can be used interchangeably - it doesn't bother me in the slightest, I know what he means.

I've outed myself relentlessly on this thread. I figure...what are the chances?

But the thing is StarryUnicorn you do know that you're a prize and old is not representative of real life? You post really well, seem self aware and have a support network yet if you don't meet anyone on old you are still a prize and that isn't 'real facts'. You can see that those of us on the kitten bench are all pretty amazing too, you're one of us. We all need to push through and swipe and consider rules 2, 6 and 7.

JeSuis I recently discovered that someone I had a four year relationship with between 1998 and 2002 does exactly the same as your Mr Cornish. I didn't find out at the time as we never sent each other long texts or messages. It was only when he looked me up on LinkedIn and sent me some messages that I found out. He is an intelligent guy who runs his own business but he does not have an academic background (as in he left school at 16 with no qualifications) so I shouldn't really be that surprised. It does make me wonder whether I am being unduly harsh on the guys that message me now as I tend to focus on how they communicate by text or messages. I suspect I would have discounted my ex on that basis and he was a lovely guy in many ways. In the end, there were pressures and differences between us that made our relationship difficult (we both had teenage kids that were causing us problems) but I still look back fondly on the years I spent with him.

@supercali77 So have I 🤦🏻‍♀️

If my previous read this then he would know it's me or anyone who knows him. Quite frankly don't care either lol

Hi Everyone, I had a lovely two days off from old and now need to join people on the cougar bench! He is thirteen years younger at thirty four. Meeting tomorrow lunchtime at a pub near me.

Sounds lovely but his profile says he wants children. However,still going to meet him as this one seems keen for once!

Thanks, StealthNinjaMum, though I am not looking for any sympathy, I guess I am really just talking to myself about this

You mentioned the contradiction of what you know with how you feel, I think the only way to reconcile them is with experience and evidence, and of course sticking to the rules

kerkyra that sounds lovely. Thirteen years younger is fine. I tend to draw the line at 15 and the guy I am meeting on Friday evening is 14 years younger. I would prefer someone closer to my age but as previously explained on here, I can't seem to find anyone in my age group that I want to date. I did a quick visual survey on the train to work the other day and concluded that there are plenty of fanciable men close to or within my age range, but they all seem to wear wedding rings .

Oh I am so relieved not to be alone in the cougar bench. I felt slightly obscene even meeting mr u let alone embarking on a relationship with him.

I can't handle your you're/they're/their/there. It's a deal breaker. Lucky mr u is foreign so his English is generally terrible.

I wouldn't travel more than about 45 mins on tube. Max!

Oh and anyone who knows me at all and read this thread would know it's me immediately! But I don't write anything here I don't say IRL

@Peanuthedz snap!!!

Ohhhh why I can't I just find a nice iron.

His txts are coming fast and furious so I've just had to say I don't txt too much before a date and that yes,i know I am a bit weird and I will catch up with him this eve. Poor bloke.
But there is no way I am overinvesting via txt or god forbid the phone call ever again.
Nope, arrange date and time and check in a couple of times before to be polite!

Thanks lily, we have to try all sorts don't we. Hope yours goes well. Did you say it was morning? I definitely feel more attractive/sexy on evening dates but can't get out much !