Dating Thread 157 - Kitten or Smitten: Which bench are *you* on?

[MrDrummer]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Link to previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3566658-Dating-Thread-156-It-is-hot-hot-hot

@StealthNinjaMum you could join us on the cougars bench! 😬

@midcenturylegs but because of the unwillingness, not just on your part I might add, to name and shame, any other man making a genuine offer to reciprocate the support they received from the thread is tarred with the same brush!

I truly appreciated the offers and support I received with profile reviews when I started OLD, which I'm sure in part contributed to me meeting somebody within just a few weeks.

I think it's a real shame that one bad apple has spoiled this, I understand the concerns but am not convinced that it would only have occurred through profile reviews.

I won't offer again and tbh am insulted at the insinuation that any man offering is doing so for disingenouos reasons.

I just wish any creepy guys were reported to mumsnet and maybe banned because the 3 guys I have personally messaged from this thread have been nothing but helpful, polite and respectful (and only messaged me after I messaged them) and it would be a shame if they're less willing to help other people.

@Peanuthedz our Cougar Bench is going to get crowded lol.

@StealthNinjaMum I proper snorted at buying him a Happy Meal! I’d say go for it, what have you got to lose. Even if nothing came of it you might have a nice time and it’s quite an ego boost IMO. Well it is for me anyway!

@Ant330 I agree with you. I think posters should name and shame, and I don’t think profile reviews alone would create a situation where a man inappropriately PMd a MNer. I’d hope that both male and female posters feel secure in sharing their OLD profiles.

@sidge I suppose it just feels weird to possibly go out with a guy with no children, a foot taller, young enough to be my son - and a bit of a double standard - we laugh at guys who do this or call them predatory or groomers. I suppose he has approached me and it's not like I'm actively pursuing young men. My other alternative is a 56 year old in my area who favourited me which just feels too close to retirement for my liking

Also it might be an ego boost until he sees the mumtum and runs.....

@StealthNinjaMum yeah I get that. I think 25 would be too young for me, my eldest child is 20!

But if he contacted you first and it’s not like you’ve made a point of finding a much younger man then maybe at least go out for a drink? (Or a happy meal..)

Haaa at the Happy Meal date option.

Jealous of the drawer occupants... I’m not sure what bench I’m on but I imagine its legs are covered up like Victorian tablelegs so no one gets any frisky ideas...

Younger men really don't do much for me but for casual dating and fwb, why not?

I wouldn’t want to go out with someone I felt could be my son. But 10 years younger I’d consider. I had my swiping settings to plus/minus 10 years but found myself looking between 40-50 (I’m mid/late 40s).

What are views on texting etiquette? Due to childcare issues, I'm due to meet iron in two weeks time. We arranged it and I jokingly said I need to be kept interested till then. He seems to text maybe once a day but that's it, not really big long conversations but occasionally in an evening. Has said definitely interested but the lack of texting makes me think perhaps not.

@Eesha personally that's something I don't like. If I'm due to meet to someone I like to keep texting and build up conversation or else I lose interest or get the impression they aren't interested.

I know some people aren't big on texting and are busy, but for me it shows me what to expect in the future so it puts me off.

Actually re dodgy male posters. I also think they should be named. (I accidentally typed naked 😱) It puts a slight question mark over every male poster as no one is quite sure if it's them. Which is very unfair.

@Emojina is your radius really set to 3 miles? I would't meet anyone with that short a distance and if I did I would either know them or they would know someone i know (i.e my ex husband) and I'm not into that.

I have always set mine to around 25 miles but I travel that distance to work and back every day so it doesn't bother me at all. MrSAS lives about 15 miles away (30 mins drive).

@ItsAMiracle I live in a small town in Sussex too, so I might give Bumble a go.

Stealth I have been on dates with guys who are 15 years younger than me and it was okay but I wouldn't have considered them relationship material as there were too many differences between us. But there is no harm in meeting your admirer and seeing where it goes. Age difference relationships can work and you won't know what he is like until you meet him.

Eesha I have found that some guys don't text much at all once they have fixed a date, and others text all the time. I have two dates arranged for the weekend and neither guy has messaged me since setting up the date. But then I haven't messaged them either as both of them fixed the date very quickly after making initial contact and I figured they prefer to meet in person and decide whether to take things forward, rather than keep on texting. However, my preference is to have a few texts a day to keep the momentum as it shows that they are interested.

Mine was set to 5k. Which is around 3 miles. There were plenty out there but I'm London

Wow my radius is set to 50 miles. 👀

@LilyRose88 I suspect this might be how this iron is playing things, the daily text to check in and remind me he is alive but everything else is for the date. We originally set a date where we were both very keen but I cancelled as was ill. Now rescheduled a few weeks ahead.

I think my radius was set to 40 miles. Mr S is 30 miles away. My precious iron was mikes away in London but we marched when he was working up here and we found out we grew up in the same area and knew some of the same people. The distance was too much though.
Mr S drives around a lot for work and has some projects near me so he’s never made the distance feel a huge issue.
I have had closer dates. In fact one ran past us as we were having a nice riverside stroll the other Sunday! 😂

*previous iron was miles away...

I do agree @Notcoolmum some distance is ok, esp if both of you make it feel that it isn't an issue.

My prev was 170k away wasn't an issue but then it turned out he would use far away as it's easier to have an affair so that makes me now suspicious of those doing that far away.

But honestly for me I drive all over, so distance is never an issue.

Wow my radius is set to 100 miles. 👀

I am relatively ok with a hour or so train ride to meet whoever.

I do struggle to meet new people within 75 miles and I look at those in and around London as that is an hour train from me.