AIBU new home

[yan79]

Hi, I’ve been with my partner just short of a year and we’re buying a house together. He’s actually buying it as my credit is less than perfect.
I’ve rented since separating from my ex husband 4 years ago.
I work part-time due to having young children and I receive a significant amount in universal credit and housing benefit.
He is classed as a high earner and has one child who he sees a few days a week. I have my children 5 days a week.

We got chatting about contribution to the new house and he expects me to contribute the exact same amount as him (he earns over 50k and at the moment I earn 14k)
I’m well aware that I’ll need to increase my hours when we live together but I’ll never ever earn as much as him. In fact when we live together I’ll loose nearly 1k a month in child benefit, universal credit and housing benefit which is fine as this was only ever a temporary measure while my children are young to help me get by and I always knew that I’d have to work more and not be reliant on these benefits.
I won’t be able to work full-time as childcare isn’t available to me to cover my unsocial hours so I’ve decided to increase my hours to 30 hours over 3 days which is just about manageable.
AIBU in thinking I shouldn’t be expected to contribute the exact same amount as him?
It will leave me with barely any disposable income and also I think the child maintenance I receive from my children’s father shouldn’t be taken into consideration when it comes to my income?

I just wanted a neutral opinion from people that don’t know either of us as my family say YANBU as do my friends.

Many thanks 😘

And don’t say because you love him, it’s. It a good enough reason.

He’s said that he would make sure I’m ok. I know it’s only his word and I’ve probably been foolish.

Knowing someone who sold their house, moved in with a partner and used the entire funds from their house sale to pay for building work, interiors, carpets etc, but who wasn’t on the mortgage -13 years in when he met someone else she was left with nothing.

DO NOT MOVE IN WITH HIM. It doesn’t matter how far down the line you are with the house, he is expecting you to equally fund it, you have been with him less than a year, it would be madness!

£900 is everything including food split straight down the middle.

It was never a consideration my name being on the mortgage. I just told him my credit was very bad and he’s said not to worry, we can do this based on his salary alone.
It’s a 4 bedroomed house that he doesn’t need (for just him and his son who stays 2 nights per week) x

No offence OP but you have children to think of. You are putting their security on a man's word!!!!

I’m doing it because I want to live with him and this seemed to be the only way...I feel VERY foolish now I’ve spoken on here. I honestly don’t think he’d kick me out but I suppose stranger things have happened.

A) Don't do it

B) Get married first

C) Work out how much you can reasonably afford while putting money aside to secure your future if it goes tits up, and pay that. He could pay the same but you'd probably be living in a shoe box.

I like option A, but if you must then C. B isn't great because clearly he's a twat!!!

Of COURSE he said "not to worry" because HE has nothing to worry about! He's making out like a bandit in this deal.

You can still get a mortgage with less than perfect credit. Whose decision was it to put the mortgage in his name only?

If you and your DC move in with him - he could make you homeless over night!
Do not do this. Protect yourself and your DC.

OP. This is your future and the future of your children. Just take a look at all the threads on here where everything has gone wrong and the female is basically fucked.

At the very least get legal advice how to protect yourself before all this goes through.

I honestly don’t think he’d kick me out...

As famously said by countless women on MN, just before they find themselves out on the streets.

He wanted the best mortgage deal as it’s quite a decent sized mortgage. He works in finance and I suppose I just thought he knew best.
My credit is terrible, debt, CCJ and I’m struggling to repay what I owe x

Marriage vows are literally promising to look after each other forever and yet look at the messed the divorces end up being.

If you arent on the mortgage and you arent married, this isnt your home. You are sacrificing everything you have to help pay HIS mortgage

Of course you don’t think he would kick you out but what if you split up in the future?

You must be mad honestly with the amount you are losing per month. Does he know how much child benefit etc you are losing? I know you don’t want to rely on benefits forever but it seems a bit drastic to go from ‘a considerable amount’ to nothing when you are not pooling your money.

Marriage vows are literally promising to look after each other forever and yet look at the messed the divorces end up being.

^^ I know, I’ve been divorced after an abusive relationship x

Dear God, you are literally taking all the risk here. You will even lose £1000 in tax credits - who does that?

Yes, he knows how much I’ll loose. He’s asked me to work full-time but it’s impossible. My children are 11 & 7 and we’ll be moving out of the catchment area for school (slightly) so it means I’ll have to take them to school.
I have to be at work for 8 (which is nearly an hour away with traffic sometimes) so there is no childcare available for me so early in the morning and I’ll be working until 630pm so again no childcare in the evenings, that’s why I’m adamant that I don’t increase my hours too much x

Setting aside the house ownership/mortgage issue, the fact he is expecting you to pay 50:50 for everything split down the middle is ridiculous. If he earns £50k (although you actually said ‘over £50k’) and you earn £14k, your joint income is £64k. He earns 78% of that, you 22%. Therefore he should be paying 78% of costs, you 22%. You could perhaps split it 70:30 to take into account your children, but then he has a child as well.

This is how my husband and I split household costs. It’s roughly 60:40 for us, with him being the higher earner as I am only part time due to working school hours.

Re; loosing my tax credits. I knew this was what I’d have to do eventually if I wanted to live with him anyway x

Several things here:

Only knowing him a year is no time at all, it’s a big decision so early on

No you shouldn’t be paying equal amounts. You’re not onthe mortgage so you should pay a contribution towards utility bills and food etc.

Even if you were on the mortgage it should be a % split depending on how much you earn. Especially in light that you won’t get UC as a result.

If you don’t go on the mortgage and do pay towards HIS mortgage, I’m not sore how you can tie it up legally, get YOUR OWN solicitor and sort it yourself

He's a high earner, telling you to increase your hours as a working mother- he sounds like a catch OP

The fact you are also struggling to repay your debt but he is still pushing you for £900 a month, plus you will have increased costs for travel to school etc just further goes to show what type of ‘man’ he really is.

You say you have already been through an abusive relationship. Please don’t settle for this Grade 7 dickhead just because you escaped a Grade 10.

He's a high earner, telling you to increase your hours as a working mother- he sounds like a catch OP

He suggested it, I said no. He’s ok with that x

Last night we skimmed over the subject as I wasn’t sure what he expected me to contribute.
I happened to mention that my mum and step-father pay different amounts to their house as my mum earns more.
He said “that will never happen” he said he’d been in that kind of situation before and he’d been shafted by his ex.
That’s the only time we’ve discussed our contributions to the house.
I kind of just expected to pay a ‘fair’ amount based on my salary as that’s how it worked with my ex husband and I just assumed that would be the case with us.
If I’ve mentioned it in the past he says “don’t worry, we’ll be fine”