AIBU new home

[yan79]

Hi, I’ve been with my partner just short of a year and we’re buying a house together. He’s actually buying it as my credit is less than perfect.
I’ve rented since separating from my ex husband 4 years ago.
I work part-time due to having young children and I receive a significant amount in universal credit and housing benefit.
He is classed as a high earner and has one child who he sees a few days a week. I have my children 5 days a week.

We got chatting about contribution to the new house and he expects me to contribute the exact same amount as him (he earns over 50k and at the moment I earn 14k)
I’m well aware that I’ll need to increase my hours when we live together but I’ll never ever earn as much as him. In fact when we live together I’ll loose nearly 1k a month in child benefit, universal credit and housing benefit which is fine as this was only ever a temporary measure while my children are young to help me get by and I always knew that I’d have to work more and not be reliant on these benefits.
I won’t be able to work full-time as childcare isn’t available to me to cover my unsocial hours so I’ve decided to increase my hours to 30 hours over 3 days which is just about manageable.
AIBU in thinking I shouldn’t be expected to contribute the exact same amount as him?
It will leave me with barely any disposable income and also I think the child maintenance I receive from my children’s father shouldn’t be taken into consideration when it comes to my income?

I just wanted a neutral opinion from people that don’t know either of us as my family say YANBU as do my friends.

Many thanks 😘

I'm still not with the others on this whole don't move in thing.

I'd speak to the mortgage company get my name on the mortgage.
I'd see a solicitor and see if you can register an interest in the property and any equity after the mortgage is paid is split fifty fifty in event of a split.

As for finances, I actually do think you should pay half, as there is at least three of you living there most of the week and only one of him.

So yes, I think that's fair. You will still have 850 a month disposable income.

Unless you marry him you are entitled to fuck all, even if you plan to have his baby, other than cm.

If he was on here saying he was building a house he is fully paying for and putting a woman he has known such a short time of the deeds we would tell him he was nuts to risk losing half his assets like that.

He wants you to pay half of all bill's even though you can't bloody afford it. How is that him being a great partner?

Your not having one built, he is. Your going to be moving into to HIS home.

Your name can NOT be on the mortgage if you don't qualify for it. End of

It totally can. Our mortgage was based on my salary alone. My husband had justchanged jobs. He provided no paperwork past proof of identity and our mortgage is in both our names.

I have had the conversation with him about the risk of us splitting up and me becoming homeless. He’s said that he would make sure I’m ok. I know it’s only his word and I’ve probably been foolish.
The thing is we’re so far down the line now, how do I ever say ‘let’s just keep dating and forget the house for now’? X

So you would have approx £800 left over per month?

How are things split at the moment? How do you envisage them being split going forward? ie: who pays for family days out / food for the month etc

It may affect the mortgage decision if they are financially linked.

Ask him if he would agree to a solicitor drawing up an agreement that you would have a 50% financial interest in the house. See how he reacts.

It depends how bad your credit is best speaking to a financial advisor. You will be credit scored if your listed on the mortgage application and you’ll also be factored into the affordability. Which means they have to see if your partner can afford all of you and kids on his income.

I agree. I'd never pay half of something if I didn't equally own it. If you break up you're left with nothing. I'd also never buy a house with a man I'd never lived with before; not now that I have children. It's such a huge commitment, having to financially extract yourself from a property agreement if things go wrong. I'd also be very wary of moving in with someone if I didn't agree with the financial boundaries being set. It'd make me feel that we weren't on the same page, and if we weren't, I wouldn't be ready to buy property together.

He's said he'd make sure you're ok.

Fucking hell, you are naive.

Just say your not moving into his home and paying for half of it, and not reaping any of the financial benefits he is

I pay for the food if he’s here, he pays if I’m at his.
Days out etc are mainly paid for by him but I do pay sometimes. He’s paid for our two holidays that we’re having.
I wouldn’t have £800 at the end of the month once I’d paid for my kids activities, school dinners, petrol, mobile bill, Visa card etc x

Op, have neither of you asked the mortgage company? In my experience as long as you can prove one of you can pay for it, that's what matters, however I don't know how bad your credit is. And yes it may impact, but the very least you should both be doing is sitting down and asking them the question.

This is utter madness!

You don't really know this man. It's only been a year and right now you are still in the loved up honeymoon phase but that won't last.

Take your cock goggles off and think about your position and your children for a minute. This new house is 100% his. You won't have a claim on it and you are going to be trapped financially if things go wrong because you won't be able to afford to leave and he gets a shiny new house part paid for by you! A Solicitor can't change the law and I'd be willing to bet that the person who pays the mortgage and holds the title owns the house unless you have the protection of marriage.

If you are intent on moving in, either get married first or negotiate a MUCH smaller contribution so you can put money aside for when things go bad and you need to make a quick exit.

If he has sold his own house and using the cash to build one you wouldn't get half anyway once he had protected that huge chunk.

Does he pay his way when at yours 5 days a week or do you pay/cook his meals etc?

Push comes to shove, I'm sure he can afford to rent somewhere whilst HIS house gets built or will he only be able to afford to live in it if someone else pays half?

Dont do it. You will put lose your independence and put your DC at risk of homelessness.

You shouldnt be paying half even if your name was on the mortgage. In a partnership one person shouldn't be struggling while the other has a huge disposable income.

Don't do this. Just don't. You will regret it. He expects you to pay half of everything? Why? Why not a percentage?

This is the very smallest glimpse into what he will be like money wise going forward. You have everything to lose here.

Brakes on. Tell him you've reconsidered and it's not in the best interests of your children.

1. only pay towards it if you also get ownership of the house. You could draw up a proportional agreement whereby you own the proportion of the house that you pay for. Speak to a solicitor about that.
2. do not go on his word that it will be all right and he will look after me. That's what my ex said and we had children together. My parents had to help me.
3. if you are going to be financially worse off then expect him to pick up the slack or don't move in with him. You shouldn't be the one financially penalised because you're moving in together, especially as you earn so much less than him!
4. you are not too down the line. This is about you and your children

I'd be willing to bet that the person who pays the mortgage and holds the title owns the house unless you have the protection of marriage

You'd lose this bet, as much as he owns it, she can register an interest to prevent it ever being sold. And she can have a lawyer draw up a binding contract where she is entitled to fifty percent of any remaining equity after the mortgage is paid off.

But I do think it's utter. Madness if neither of them have even asked the mortgage company if she can be on the mortgage. That's crazy.

£900! Wow - that's a lot.
How has he worked that out?

Omg please don't do it.

I wonder how understanding he will be when you have months where you just can afford half the expenses because an unforseen expenditure pops up, because it definitely WILL happen. Your car will need repair, something will cost more for the children, whatever. What if the boiler breaks down? What if the fridge stops working or the roof needs to be repaired? Will you be expected to fork out for that, too?

I'm sorry op, but this has disaster written all over it.

or simply pay half of all bill (Not mortgage) and pay for your kids.

If you split up, you will have no stake on the house.

If you go down this route, you should pay into an ISA (or something similar) that's a long term investment for you should you breakup

WHHHHYYYYY WOULD YOU DO THIS?