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Original poster

Would you email the other woman?!?!?

241 replies

purplepoppet · 16/07/2007 05:37

Help! I'm so hurt & angry..I have started another post (previouse one - Advice Please, husband blaming me for going off with another woman)

I have just found out that this woman is back on the scene again and they have been emailing each other constantly and recently seeing each other...

He has completely fed her a load of bullsh*t as he has done with me...god there's so much, I wouldn't know where to start!

The thing is, I'm so hurt & angry...this woman made our life a misery over christmas and during the time we were trying to make it work...now she's on his case again and what makes matters far worse is that he's snivelling to her about how he only made a go of it with me because of our daughter...and that his happiness didn't come into it

Anyway, I'm rambling, sorry...been up all night and felt like I wanted to email them both to put the record straight and let her know what a lying, cheating, b&st&rd he is!!

I realise I'm very upset and don't want to do anything I regret...should I email them both and have my say, or should I somehow just let it go and let her realise for herself??

Help!! So frustrated, but then on the other hand, don't want to stoop to their leave iykwim...

OP posts:
Original poster
purplepoppet · 20/07/2007 22:20

I hope so

You're right though, I just need to accept it's going to take time

Thanks sugarplum

OP posts:
sugar34plum · 21/07/2007 08:24

your welcome.

someone from rl has infultrated a very person thread on relationships thats rocked everyone. so be careful if there is anything you wouldnt want anyone in rl to know.

Original poster
purplepoppet · 21/07/2007 09:14

Really? What do you mean? They knew who someone was?

OP posts:
suezee · 21/07/2007 09:25

i would tell the friends exactly what hes done....."diagnosed himself with depression and ran off with a complet whore bag" in a really nice way that it freaks em out.im sorry that ur having to feeel like this, but you need to remember these low moments when he starts sniffing around you.....because he will do that once he sees you've got ur life back on track.you r the one thats left to pick up the pieces and try to get on with normal life for the sake of dc....even though you probably just want to stay in ur pyjamas and comfort eat for about a month, takes a stronger person to stay x

suezee · 21/07/2007 09:25

i would tell the friends exactly what hes done....."diagnosed himself with depression and ran off with a complet whore bag" in a really nice way that it freaks em out.im sorry that ur having to feeel like this, but you need to remember these low moments when he starts sniffing around you.....because he will do that once he sees you've got ur life back on track.you r the one thats left to pick up the pieces and try to get on with normal life for the sake of dc....even though you probably just want to stay in ur pyjamas and comfort eat for about a month, takes a stronger person to stay x

Original poster
purplepoppet · 23/07/2007 11:16

Really struggling today Have seen more photos of the other woman...it really hurts as she's everything I'm not Slim & attractive...I'm 2 stone overweight since having my dd...I don't know why I looked, I feel awful now I can see why he was attracted to her

OP posts:
sugar34plum · 23/07/2007 12:11

an outside body image is not as important and who you are on the inside and she is as ugly as they come. A woman prepared to take a man away from his wife and child is the ugliest creature in the world she is just packaged nicely!

Just like an unwanted gift beautifully wrapped then once you see whats inside in the bin it goes!

dont be too hard on yourself his a jerk and so is she. x

Original poster
purplepoppet · 23/07/2007 15:04

Thanks sugarplum, you're a star! I know you're right, I just wish it didnt hurt so much...I've got such a pain in my chest & stomach that I can't seem to shift Just want the hurting to go away and feel vaguely normal again

OP posts:
sugar34plum · 23/07/2007 15:09

i know and and it hurts like hell . I heard h voice on phone mail 1st time in 4 weeks and cant stop playing it! pathetic eh?

the pain cant last forever although tomorrow feels like forever i know

If you were in kent id say come stay and id go empty out local offy!

Has he been in touch at all?

Do you have rl friends who are helping?

Original poster
purplepoppet · 23/07/2007 15:13

Oh bless you, sorry I'm so crap, I keep forgetting to ask how you are???

Only a few texts that all, just basically saying he knows he's upset me and he's sorry etc

God, he has no idea

OP posts:
sugar34plum · 23/07/2007 15:27

no they dont. They are complete selfish twunts!

but it will get better it has to!

Original poster
purplepoppet · 24/07/2007 20:08

I'm going to have to face him at the weekend when he picks his dd up and I just can't bear it How do I do it? Do I remain dignified & civil or do I let him see what a state I'm in??

OP posts:
doormat · 24/07/2007 20:17

pp you are better off without him if he can do this and your dd
I wouldnt waste me fingers touching the keyboard or me breath on either of them

start getting your life back
good luck
xxx

sugar34plum · 24/07/2007 21:00

remain dignified with your hair and make up done looking gorgeous and happy. Have the house clean and smelling lovely. Also point out that if your not home when he drops dd off then to just wait just in case you are running late back. Back from where? none of his business and say it with a smile!

Ow isnt having dd too is she?

Original poster
purplepoppet · 24/07/2007 21:14

No she's not! I hope! He did that last time...took dd to her place and dd came back saying her name! That's the only way I knew what OW's name was She is very young and was very unsettled by it all, so I'm hoping he will do the right thing this time!

I know, they don't deserve my airspace, but it's so hard. I think if I look like I'm not bothered, then that lets him of the hook...he will think, 'great, she's ok' and then won't feel bad about what he's done...does that make any sense, or am I being a bit twisted?

OP posts:
Original poster
purplepoppet · 24/07/2007 21:21

...but then I suppose, after everything he's done he clearly doesn't care, so if he doesn't care that means he doesn't have the capacity to feel bad about what he's done.

It happens all the time unfortunately, I just need to be a big girl, deal with it and move on

OP posts:
fawkeoff · 24/07/2007 21:27

no u dont just have to be a big girl about it......you will eventually move on, but in the mean time if it makes u feel better letting him know exactly what this shit has done to u then do it.even if he doesnt give a shit at least ur gonna feel better doing it )

hurtwife · 25/07/2007 08:10

I think you should still look fantastic and hhave house clean ect. Just tell him that a friend (could even be a new one) has helped a lot and is taking you out as it is going to be hard. That way he knows you are hurting but doing your best anyway - I would take you out if you were near me!!

About the outside appearence - you know it is what is on the inside that counts really but it is hard.

My H now says he cant even see why he would like the OW because of what she did too - he says he does not want friends like that who can put others throuhg so much pain for their own pleasure. (before you all post back and say he did it too - i know that and i have seen him struggle - i have choosen to accept his appologies and treat it as a huge mistake on his part). He had been 'friends' with her for years too but now he says he feels less than nothing for her.

We can only live by our own set of values and we learn through our experiences - i can promise you that you will have learnt an awful lot about yourself and will be a better person because of all this.

He too may learn - but of course it could be too late by then.

Good luck thnking of you

Original poster
purplepoppet · 25/07/2007 11:09

Thank you hurtwife. I'm really glad things are working out for you.

I need to get a grip of myself...I'm just finding all this so hard to deal with, I cant seem to focus on anything else

OP posts:
hurtwife · 25/07/2007 19:21

Try and find something else to focus on - this is difficult but is worth giving a try. I used to try and make a stranger smile at me everyday - it was sort of instant karma and really makes you feel as if you are worthwile afterall. I would make conversation with almost anyone and it did make me feel good. I would also try and appriciate something each day - something just for me to have to myself, i once parked up and watched some swans build their nest - not everyone gets the chance to do things like this i know but again it really helped me.

Try to think about something you can now do - maybe a course or just a hobby - be selfish something for you that no-one can take away. I have started to sort out all my photos (but i know this could be painful for a while) and i am going to put them into albums and frames just for me. I was lucky too in that i was able to move house and 'start again' (it was just that he decided to join us), i have also returned to work which is something i never thought i would do as it is hard organizing childcare ect. I am also hoping to start a course soon i just need to make up my mind what i really want to study!! I am also going on holiday with the children on my own (h cant get as much time off so will be joining us). I have never driven abroad before so that should be fun!!

Anyway take care and look how much stronger you are already - take it slowly and be kind to yourself.

Original poster
purplepoppet · 25/07/2007 21:11

But what I don't understand is why some men (my dh inparticular) came back to give things another go, but (in my opinion) didn't try very hard...then when it all goes wrong, end up going back to the OW?? What's all that about? Was he really thinking about her the whole time, when he was telling me he would do anything to make it work with us?? None of it makes sense

OP posts:
hurtwife · 26/07/2007 08:01

It is the not making sense bit - i can only answer what my h has said. We got back together and he told me he would do anything ect. we even started buying a house went on holiday blah blah blah. I found it touhg and felt he was not doing enough and low and behold he was still seeing her.

He says now that he was confussed and it was like an addiction that he just could not stop seeing her (they did work together which didnt/dosnt help). He felt guilty about how she had ruined her life for him ect.

Anyway all i can say is that it was a bit like a madness and our consellor says that he had to run its course which it hadnt when i found out - he needed time to 'break' away from her. This has also happened to a friend and it seems they all do the same thing - maybe when they first say they will stay they do not understand how hard it really will be and dont cope with the devistation they have caused and so yo-yo for a while hoping it will settle down.

I still find it a puzzle and still need pieces putting together. I dont believe my h to be a bad man at all - he just did a very very bad thing. But i cannot punish him forever (he does that enough to himself - he goes very quiet and i know he is hurting because of the pain he has caused us all). That is why i can live with it because i see what he is doing now and he understands my need to rant and scream every now and then.

PP if you still are looking for hope there is some - it does not make you a mug but a caring person who will put the happiness of their family near the top of the list.

Sorry about spellings - was always bottom of class for it!

hatingtoberight · 26/07/2007 08:23

Purplepoppet I just want to say that you are a remarkable person to give up tiem to support me on my thread when you are goign through so much yourself. I am very touched and I am sorry I didn't really put two and two together previously. You are a very caring person. You too hurtwife - thank you. This place is amazing. I truly couldn't ahve got to where i am without you an dthe other MNetters.

Original poster
purplepoppet · 26/07/2007 08:37

Thank you for your kind words htbr, I hope you're coping ok? Thanks again Hurtwife for your support also. As htbr said, I also really couldn't have coped without all the MN'rs support, it's been a godsend!

It's just awful that so many of us are going through similar experiences

I'm still struggling to get my head round it all. I know he doesn't deserve my emotional energy, but it's so hard to just switch off...especially when I have to see him for his dd.

I was really hoping to start feeling a bit better and a bit clearer about it all now, but I don't

OP posts:
sugar34plum · 31/07/2007 08:16

pp sorry not been around start of kids summer holidays. How are you?