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Original poster

Would you email the other woman?!?!?

241 replies

purplepoppet · 16/07/2007 05:37

Help! I'm so hurt & angry..I have started another post (previouse one - Advice Please, husband blaming me for going off with another woman)

I have just found out that this woman is back on the scene again and they have been emailing each other constantly and recently seeing each other...

He has completely fed her a load of bullsh*t as he has done with me...god there's so much, I wouldn't know where to start!

The thing is, I'm so hurt & angry...this woman made our life a misery over christmas and during the time we were trying to make it work...now she's on his case again and what makes matters far worse is that he's snivelling to her about how he only made a go of it with me because of our daughter...and that his happiness didn't come into it

Anyway, I'm rambling, sorry...been up all night and felt like I wanted to email them both to put the record straight and let her know what a lying, cheating, b&st&rd he is!!

I realise I'm very upset and don't want to do anything I regret...should I email them both and have my say, or should I somehow just let it go and let her realise for herself??

Help!! So frustrated, but then on the other hand, don't want to stoop to their leave iykwim...

OP posts:
sugar34plum · 16/07/2007 19:21

i love the "my wife doesnt understand me!"Course she doesnt you dickweed you just left her and your dc to live with a minger!! Whats to understand? Your a twat? Trust me we understand that!!

suezee · 16/07/2007 19:37

lol, exactly men are really stoooooooooopid end of discussion

maturer · 16/07/2007 20:21

Another casualty here (though at the moment mine has a happy ending as it was 3 years ago and we are still together as he woke up just in time)
anyway whatever was happening in your relationship at the time, whatever "faults" he may have percieved he always had the choice to sit you down , confront them and talk about them- he didn't HE CHOSE to have an affair- THAT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!!
Actions have consiquences and unfortunatley we are experiencing the fall out from men making the wrong choices but not being man enough to deal with the consiquences. Instead they all reached for the "how to cheat on your wife" manual I think that was handed out with the attriution of a penis!

I say this because they ALL no matter which way it ends -go through the same ridiculous farse of words and actions trying to have their cake and eat it! Mine at least now realises just what an idiot he was but at the time had his head well and truely stuck in his manual so couldn't see the plain truth of reality!

Onwards and upwards girls!

mistressmiggins · 16/07/2007 20:32

I was in a similar situation to you 20 mths ago

I had PND with 2nd child, my H left when my children were 3 1/2 & 17 mths when I found out about his affair

we tried - correction - I tried for 8 weeks.
2 weeks after finding out about the affair he told me Id had enough time to stop crying about it 6 weeks later I kicked him out after catching him on the phone to her - he spent 2 hrs crying & then left - been with her ever since.

its all my fault
I now realise that although it takes 2 to make a marriage work, his affair mainly contributed to my PND through his emotional withdrawal from me.

I agree with Eidsvold who says that her ex was always blaming someone else
I finally realised this in April when at after my inlaws visited for the weekend, my ex shouted at them for going to the wrong animal park They dont live locally & all he did was send his mum the postcode while they were at my house.

people like him & your husband always look for someone else to blame.

Its not your fault and I do think that one day you will be able to look back & feel glad that you are no longer blamed for everything.
it DOES get easier

be strong & come on MN = its definitely made me stronger for all the good advice

sugar34plum · 16/07/2007 20:58

my youngest has only just turned 1.

Original poster
purplepoppet · 16/07/2007 20:59

Thank you, you're right...just wish it didn't hurt so much! Sometimes I feel that there's something wrong with me He's done all this to me, but somehow, no matter how angry I am I still love him!! That's bonkers! Obviously why he has continued to behave like this as I have always let him get away with it

OP posts:
hesta · 16/07/2007 21:01

have been in same position myself, did all the stuff you want to do, went and confronted them together, told her so much stuff that she surely couldn't believe his crap etc etc etc. I wish now I'd kept my dignity, cos it didn't make any difference they're still together, actually got married and had a baby ( I hated that one) but, it is abundantly clear that they are both miserable. Leopards rarely change thier spots.

Rant and rage here, stick pins in dolls do anything, but the most galling thing for him to see you do will be to keep it all together, act like you don't give a shit anymore and be dignified and strong. I promise you he'll want you back in the long run. Then you can have the pleasure of telling him to feck off.

hesta · 16/07/2007 21:02

if thats what you want of course, or you could have him back on your own terms. I went for the former hard as it was cos like you say you do still love htem, but its not good love

Original poster
purplepoppet · 16/07/2007 22:17

You're right! I've had my rant at him today, called him every name under the sun and now as of tomorrow I shall regain my dignity and hold my head high.

I'm not going to let the bstard grind me down anymore...onwards & upwards...start of a new chapter

OP posts:
sugar34plum · 16/07/2007 22:23

good for you pp. But remember your emotions will be all over the place for a bit.

But hold onto the fact that he will want you back butg hopefully you will be in such abetter place that you wont want him back.

Original poster
purplepoppet · 16/07/2007 22:35

Do you really think after everything he's done, he would ever want me back?? Surely the fact that he's done this twice now would prove to him that he didn't? Not that I would want him back now...I just can't see him ever regretting this

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Original poster
purplepoppet · 16/07/2007 22:36

sorry, not sure if my post sounds a bit harsh, lol Wasn't meant to be

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Original poster
purplepoppet · 16/07/2007 22:38

Probably the Pinot!

That's obviously why I'm feeling all strong and bolshy

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expatinscotland · 16/07/2007 22:38

No.

I'd ditch him.

She'll get what she has coming and you've got other things to worry about.

eidsvold · 17/07/2007 06:12

purple my ex married ex best friend and they had children together. In fact she was pregnant when he turned up to divorce court - very classy - a number of people were commenting on their behaviour whilst waiting outside for our turn. I just smiled and did not say that was my ex.

However I ran into them recently 14 years later and he looks horrid - big huge and so out of shape it is embarrassing and you know what - he gave me the filthiest look like I had still done something wrong. It was the look that alerted me to this person walking past me and then the penny dropped. See they both had stacked on weight - she looked drab and beaten down by life. He looked like a prize dickhead - so far up his own arse that he could not see the light of day swaggering along!!

My response - when I worked out who it was I laughed. I then thanked god that we did not get back together and for my fabulous dh and my three gorgeous daughters. I thanked God for my fabulous life and the things I have been able to do since ex left.

What seemed like the worst thing to happen to me - was in fact the best. Perhaps I should have thanked them for getting together and getting out of my life.

Another decision I made when I got to the grand old age of 30 no more people bringing me down - if they were not an enhancement to my life - then they needed to be moved on. Life can be tough enough without others dumping on you.

As someone else said - don't contact them and give them another thing in common to go on about - I did not contact my two - but her ex husband did and boy did they go on about poor persecuted people they were [vomit emoticon]

so in my experience - best revenge - a life well lived.

eidsvold · 17/07/2007 06:13

his emotions etc are not your responsibility. He has now done this twice - you owe it to yourself and those three gorgeous children you spoke about to not let him do it again - he really is not worth the energy.

Original poster
purplepoppet · 17/07/2007 08:13

Thank you

I did something really stupid, I was feeling very strong, then I had a complete moment (after a few glasses of wine I hasten to add) and emailed him a song to remember me by!!

WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING!!! I've woken up this morning feeling awful..really ashamed at myself and how pathetic I was to do that. Emailed him this morning to tell him to ignore it, that I was just having a moment..now I've made myself look like even more of an idiot!

HELP!! What is wrong with me, I'm out of control and so annoyed with myself that I did that!! Sob!!

I was on the way to grasping a small scrap of dignity back and now I've completely blown it again

OP posts:
BandofMuggles · 17/07/2007 08:18

Don't worry just start again.
Let that lapse go and delete him from your contact list so it doesn't happen again.

Be strong and just remember, you're great and he's a shit.

hurtwife · 17/07/2007 08:18

At least he will know how you feel - even if the emotions are all over the place. I know we say we should be strong ect but he has hurt you and he should have to see the effects too. Dont be too hard on yourself you can only do what you feel at any one point. I at one stage (before i knew he was having an affair) begged him to stay and give me another chance to show i could be the 'good' wife. He did stay - i felt like shit - no-one should have to feel so low as to beg. But all that said i can not change that now and at least i knew i had not left any stone unturned.

So what if you did a silly thing - thats what makes you you.

mylittlestar · 17/07/2007 08:53

pp don't beat yourself up over that. You're human and he's putting you through hell!
There would be something wrong with you if your emotions weren't all over the place.

Don't dwell on it, it felt right at the time. You've done what you can by e-mailing to say forget about it. So now you must try to do that too.

You still have your dignity. And it won't do him any harm to see how much he's hurt you.

Today is a new day. Look forwards now not backwards

xx

Original poster
purplepoppet · 17/07/2007 09:01

I feel such a fool :.(

OP posts:
mylittlestar · 17/07/2007 09:35

No you're not!

He's the fool for doing what he's done. You're hurting. But you will come out of this stronger and happier in the end. He will make himself miserable for the rest of his life I'm sure

sugar34plum · 17/07/2007 09:38

your not a fool. just a woman hurting by the h she loved and trusted who has betrayed her in the worst way.

I have turned a little spiteful; my ex who i said is now on girl no2 has just lost his job due to sleeping with girl no1 in offices they were reconstructing. So girl no2 has sent girl no1 a text saying go tell his ex wife that she isnt getting any maintenance because you cost him his job! Although he has another starting today apparently. girl no 1 got sacked because boss didnt want hassle in her pub.

So i have sent a recorded letter to the pub simply stating that i want maintenance either voluntarily or via the courts his choice.Also pointed out that i will have her bank accounts searched should he try to hide his money that way. Told him that if he wants divorce to go smoothly then to take care of the kids.

Bear in mind he has told girl no2 we have been divorced 3 years!! So am for 1 hoping she reads the letter but 2 boss lady will not be happy so only way to get me off his back is to support the kids. Also been told they are getting a flat together. Been together all of 9 days!!!

One other thing he can go whistle for a divorce. He thinks he only has to wait 2 years but its 2 years after we have done a legal seperation which his too thick to think of!

Dignity? Stuff it he hurts my kids i play bitch. an di dont care what anyone thinks of that.

So dont worry about emailing i have done taht in the past and made a complete fool of myself several times before now begging him to come back. Never again his slime and not only do i deserve better i want better now.

Wow sorry for that rant over!

mistressmiggins · 17/07/2007 09:55

dont worry
you didnt see this coming & cant fall out of love with someone quickly no matter what they've done

I stupidly sent my H a txt while on holiday 2 weeks ago saying I missed him & if he hadnt left us, hed be having a fab holiday
how stupid do I feel?
very
but it was my first holiday abroad with the children since he left & firsts hurt.

I had been drinking & in the cold light of day, I regretted sending it.

dont beat yourself up & my advice is turn the computer off if you feel you might send an email

Original poster
purplepoppet · 17/07/2007 10:05

Sorry to hear there are so many of us suffering, it's a nightmare, isn't it

I suppose it's still early days and understandable that my emotions are going to be all over the place, its just awful...I hate this helpless empty feeling

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