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Original poster

Unexpectedly pregnant very early on in relationship!

286 replies

penguinsmarching · 22/04/2019 22:33

Earlier I took a test (more like 5) and well I'm pregnant. I'm not sure how to feel, I've only been with my bf for a few months, I already have two DD's and never really saw myself having anymore. I just can't believe it, I'm on the pill but I was sick over a month ago for quite a while, perhaps that effected it. I've yet to even tell my youngest that I'm in a relationship, oldest knows but hasn't met him, the rest of my family haven't either some know about him some don't. Then there's telling him, I don't even know how he'll react

OP posts:
hellenbackagen · 23/04/2019 15:52

Hey op

Forget the shite "advice " on this thread
And get yourself some pregnancy counselling- Marie stopes or similar- gp might be able to sign post.

Best of luck 💐

hellenbackagen · 23/04/2019 15:55

inliverpool

I spent 27 years caring for others . I found myself unexpectedly pg at 44 and I was elated.

I have a career but would have happily put it on hold and was also with a new (ish) partner.

It's a choice. Op has a choice . I don't get some of the replies here - these threads are normally supportive and Ofer advice - this one is full of opinions and not much else .

Mn is really weird recently.

MsLayla · 23/04/2019 16:00

I'm sorry if I've missed this, skimmed the whole thread, but what does the father think about your news? Is it likely he will support you with a baby?
What's his situation, if he's working will he be able to provide to support the family? Is he a good man and reliable?

Good luck with whatever you decide. But think it through.

stacktherocks · 23/04/2019 16:07

You probably won’t reply to this (as I don’t think you have posted other than once since the OP?) but have you told the father yet? What’s he think?

Inliverpool1 · 23/04/2019 16:08

@hellenbackagen fair enough, the thought exhausts me

Binting · 23/04/2019 16:31

OP you can make this work, with or without new guy's support. But seriously - you must have known that vomiting or having the squits can affect efficiency of the pill, as can missing pills. I've always known I didn't want to get pregnant (or have an abortion) so always doubled up with condoms or morning after pill if any of those things happened. Plus, not using condoms in a new relationship? I'd only ditch them after both getting tested first.

I know this is all well and good now, but please pass this kind of advice on to your DC's when the time's right.

In your position I would crack on and deal with it, I do hope it all works out for you x

beenwhereyouare · 23/04/2019 16:52

I do think I want to continue with this pregnancy, personally I'm not sure I could with not continuing.

This.

Please don't let others make you feel bad about your choices. You've worked most of your life and aren't freeloading. And you were on the pill. Being sick might have caused it but they've been known to fail regardless. Antibiotics can cause a problem, but I'm not sure diarrhea would.

And if it's what you want, congratulations! As my mother-in-law used to say, "Every baby's a blessing!"

Flowers
Binting · 23/04/2019 17:09

www.nhs.uk/conditions/contraception/combined-contraceptive-pill/?tabname=methods-of-contraception - tells people what can affect the pill

NameChangeNugget · 23/04/2019 17:09

If you can afford it, go for it

smallereveryday · 23/04/2019 19:20

She can't afford it but the tax payer can.

Inliverpool1 · 23/04/2019 19:46

smallereveryday - she won’t get any help, it’s her 3rd child.

youknowmedontyou · 23/04/2019 19:50

@Inliverpool1 she won't get any help? So she's no income and they'll all starve to death? I don't understand!

Fucket · 23/04/2019 19:52

Benefits are capped at 2 children. I think it came in in 2016?

youknowmedontyou · 23/04/2019 19:57

@Fucket but the OP will gave two children! Her eldest is 20, she's not a child?

So OP will get benefits? I think she will!

youknowmedontyou · 23/04/2019 19:58

@Fucket are you saying it's two children and that's it, even when they are grown adults?

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 23/04/2019 20:01

A quick google shows this: If you have a third or subsequent child born on or after 6 April 2017 but you can’t claim benefit for an older child any longer, so you’re only getting a child element for one other child, then you can get a child element for the third/subsequent child. This might apply if one of your older children leaves home, or is over 16 and no longer in full-time non-advanced education.

BigRedLondonBus · 23/04/2019 20:01

Im pretty sure its you can only claim for 2 and with the oldest being 20 she should be able to claim for the new baby.

Wheresmyvagina · 23/04/2019 20:04

I'm pretty sure they can claim for a new baby as long as there is only one other child on the claim

Fucket · 23/04/2019 20:07

If that’s true, she may get benefits then but surely people should not plan to fund a family on benefits alone? They never seem to be enough to cover all costs, surely they should be viewed as a safety net only?

Dieu · 23/04/2019 20:10

I am usually a bit judgy on these threads, if I'm honest, but in fairness to the OP one of her kids is an adult!
And sometimes in life these things just happen. Hope you're ok OP, and that you figure out the best resolution for you and yours. Hope also that your new partner is supportive, whatever course of action you take Thanks

Wheresmyvagina · 23/04/2019 20:11

Yeah. Life on benefits is shite and having a new baby means work options will be limited for a few years but as long as she is prepared for that it's her choice

BigRedLondonBus · 23/04/2019 20:13

Well benefits allows for her to stay at home without working to care for her child so its a
pointless debate.!

Springwalk · 23/04/2019 20:37

If you feel you can give a child a loving, secure and committed home for the next 25 years, with all that it brings then why not, but don’t feel bad in the least for choosing not to go ahead.

Some good counselling would be hugely beneficial.

LaurieMarlow · 23/04/2019 20:44

surely people should not plan to fund a family on benefits alone?

There’s no evidence that the OP is planning to be on benefits forever. She’s only very recently stopped working.

RiversDisguise · 23/04/2019 20:58

Great you're still there, OP.

Ignore the self-righteous Daily Mail brigade.