Unexpectedly pregnant very early on in relationship!

[penguinsmarching]

Earlier I took a test (more like 5) and well I'm pregnant. I'm not sure how to feel, I've only been with my bf for a few months, I already have two DD's and never really saw myself having anymore. I just can't believe it, I'm on the pill but I was sick over a month ago for quite a while, perhaps that effected it. I've yet to even tell my youngest that I'm in a relationship, oldest knows but hasn't met him, the rest of my family haven't either some know about him some don't. Then there's telling him, I don't even know how he'll react

No my understanding is you’ve popped two out that is it, you have had your benefits so there will be no additional funds for number 3. Whatever they get at the moment will need to stretch three ways instead of two

@RiversDisguise I don't read the daily mail nor am I self righteous, however my view is different to yours and I'm entitled to it. I assume that's ok to have a different view? And if OP didn't want to heat views she shouldn't have asked.

The fact that op first child is now a twenty year old adult who wont be receiving CB still isn’t adding up for some posters who clearly can’t read or are just being arseholes.

It’s got nothing to do with any of you if this lady claims benefits.

Horrible

Might get moved onto UC, though, with a new claim. That's nothing good. Sorry, just seems rather grim as a choice, IMO. I have teens and a pre-teen. There are a lot of non-essentials, however, that make their life so much easier and assist in terms of peer compatibility that you couldn't afford on UC - subscriptions (Spotify, Neflix, PSPlus, Xbox subscription, leisure centre membership, clubs/Scouts, phone contracts), being able to go on holiday, quality internet for homework (plus good printer and ink), car to ferry them around/go on holiday so they can participate in activities, affording uniforms, haircuts, trainers, etc. DD2 has dyslexia and she has some apps and software that help her in her studies that cost. DS has autism and we've had to go private with some aspects of his care.

The 8-year-old is going to become quite expensive soon.

Then there's the emotional aspect: is there a particular reason you are homeschooling? If the child already has a neurological condition or learning or emotional difficulties it's something to consider.

Lastly, if you're 40 or over, the risk of some conditions does increase.

I don't think it's wrong to point any of this out. It should be obvious, no?

The fact that op first child is now a twenty* year old adult who wont be receiving CB still isn’t adding up for some posters who clearly can’t read or are just being arseholes.

It’s got nothing to do with any of you if this lady claims benefits. *

Why should it be no business of mine where my taxes are paid? I also don't understand your first paragraph and I can read which includes the instructions on contraception regarding sickness.

It's ok... your taxes can be spent on something else, mine can go towards helping out OP and other mums in a trifling way. There. Settled.

New relationship and you don’t use condoms

Obviously the message still isn't getting across re safe sex and not knowing the pill doesn't work whilst being sick is a basic.

With no job (given yourve had five months to find work and haven't), at least one other child to support and a boyfriend that hasn't met the children yet it's a recipe for disaster.

Your other thread said you planned to home school the younger DD so how will you juggle that, a baby plus enough income with no job?

@RiversDisguise is that how it works then? Il get on to HMRC first thing tomorrow....

This reminds me of when I go to work and those who pay no tax tell me they pay My wages.

Why not give op a break eh? Threads been hijacked in a quite revolting way .

She hasn't worked for 5 months not 50 years. This is her choice. Not the idiots on here yelling about where the tax goes. What's happened to pro choice? This has just become a pro abortion thread from the comfort of the sofa for those yelling it.

Op start another thread in pg choices. It's your choice.

Honestly I think some people on here just need a good shag and are bitter that op is obviously getting it more than they are

@FoxFoxSierra she won’t be getting much of anything over the next few years

I thought the same about the Home Educating at first icecream I was thinking it would be a real spanner in the works. But then if you think about it it another baby might actually be a huge help.

I am no expert on how the benefits system works but if she’s been out of work for a while and doesn’t have a very young child at home I’m guessing she’s under some pressure to look for at least part time work? Now her eldest is 20 she won’t get any CB, CTCs and I think possibly a reduced amount of HB? There won’t be any maintenance from the father now either, if there ever was any.

If the DD has moved out or is planning to, she could possibly be in a bedroom tax situation too. Or if the DD herself was PG the council may not consider her a priority for housing if her mother can adequately house her and a baby. If the OP can argue that she is overcrowded with a new baby of her own then it changes things.

So if she has another baby then she is back to where she was in terms of arguing that she’s not able to work for another 5 years, back to higher levels of HB and CB and in need of that extra bedroom again. Therefore free to to home Ed her DD without losing out financially whereas working part time or fulll time would make that impossible, plus the potential for childcare costs.

If her first DD had been younger, under the new system she’d not get any more money for a subsequent 3rd child, but now the DD is over 18 I believe she will? I think it’s not the amount of DC you have but the amount all under 18 at the same time? I might be wrong though - as I said, I’m no expert.

Obviously I have no idea which if any of these scenarios might apply to the OP and she could own her house and be entirely self funding for all we know. But I can think of several hypothetical situations where an accidental PG for someone in the OPs situation might actually be quite fortuitous in the long run.

It’s also possible that the new chap is loaded so any maintenance awarded could be pretty high. Then again he could be one of those 5 quid a week dads.

Ellenborough 🧐 all seems to be falling into place

Vicious speculation from Ellenborough.

You may not read the Daily Mail but you ARE the Daily Mail incarnate.

Well as I’ve speculated hypothetically on all possible scenarios both good and bad I don’t really see the issue.

I think youre right Ellen.. I think it this was the case
Obviously I have no idea which if any of these scenarios might apply to the OP and she could own her house and be entirely self funding for all we know. she would have been quick to put people in their place but instead she just said she gave up work to care for someone.

Parenting for 40 years wouldn't be for me I have to say.

Re: a previous poster saying abortion isn't like going to the dentist. You are correct. The abortion is easier and less frightening than the dentist.

Crazy responses here.

You do what you feel is right.

I once knew a very successful lady who had a very high profile job who had 2 children and fell pregnant after a one night stand. She had to inform her employees, family etc that she was pregnant, none of whom knew she'd been seeing anyone etc.

She made it work as a single parent. Her 3 boys are now in their 30s. And the Father disappeared into the background. She however married later on when the boys were in their early teens. He was a wonderful man and they had a lovely life together.

I had 2 abortions myself in my 20s and honestly, now I have 2 children, I don't think I would go through one again if I should happen to fall pregnant.

Re: a previous poster saying abortion isn't like going to the dentist. You are correct. The abortion is easier and less frightening than the dentist.

Yes but some people might have more emotional/moral feelings about having an embryonic human 'removed' than having a tooth removed; is that difficult to imagine?

Well it seems to be difficult to imagine for militant pro choicers who advocate abortion up to birth. Pro choicers don’t seem to give pro life or even moderate pro choice advocates any respect or won’t see another point of view.

This place has gone so right wing

FoxFoxSierra well live and let live then.

Well it seems to be difficult to imagine for militant pro choicers who advocate abortion up to birth. Pro choicers don’t seem to give pro life or even moderate pro choice advocates any respect or won’t see another point of view.

It's ridiculous, and utterly lacking in empathy, to act as though abortion is not a decision/process involving a huge moral and emotional quandary for many women.

"Pro choicers" aren't one monolith.

I'm pro choice. I work in abortion. So don't get much more pro choice. I still think the way some people have spoken to OP is disgusting. The whole point about being pro choice is that you support someone's choice
Not that you try to persuade them to do what you want!

People (as long as they have capacity) have the right to make decisions. Including ones we judge as poor decisions.

Personally I'm very grateful for all the women (some of whom don't or can't work) raising kids on benefits. Their kids will be caring for me in my old age, teaching my neices and nephews in school, etc etc.

Who honestly advocates abortion "up until birth"? Where has that come from?

Some women go through a pregnancy and birth even though they know their kids are realistically going to be taken straight into care. That's still their choice and no one can or should force them to do anything else.

I wont respect anyone trying to dictate what a woman does with her own body. Whether that's a forced abortion or a "Pro lifer" harassing a woman outside a clinic. It's all unacceptable.