Unexpectedly pregnant very early on in relationship!

[penguinsmarching]

Earlier I took a test (more like 5) and well I'm pregnant. I'm not sure how to feel, I've only been with my bf for a few months, I already have two DD's and never really saw myself having anymore. I just can't believe it, I'm on the pill but I was sick over a month ago for quite a while, perhaps that effected it. I've yet to even tell my youngest that I'm in a relationship, oldest knows but hasn't met him, the rest of my family haven't either some know about him some don't. Then there's telling him, I don't even know how he'll react

"Pro choicers" aren't one monolith.

If that's a response to user's post, she knows that and acknowledges it- she refers to militant pro choicers and moderate pro-choicers (and how the militant ones don't even seem to offer the slightest respect or consideration to moderate pro choicers).

I'm pro choice (moderately), however when I see people espousing how simple and easy it is to have an abortion - easier than a visit to the dentist - I'm astounded and disgusted by the complete lack of acknowledgement of the emotional and moral issues many women are deeply affected by when considering or having an abortion. It seems unnecessarily, almost purposefully callous and utterly lacking in empathy.

If they've had abortions, perhaps such detachment, indifference, harshness and 'cavalier-ness' is how they've coped - or perhaps they genuinely feel that way ... But not everyone else can feel that way so, have some empathy and don't compare dental work and abortions.

Well said Dirtybadger

DirtyBadger who advocates abortion up to birth didn’t the head of the Nursing or Midwifery professional association vote for this.

I’m not entirely sure a thread started by a pregnant woman is the right place for this conversation.
I think the OPs done this on purpose, she’s not having an abortion, she will have to deal with the consequences. Hope it works out the way she planned it

Your nasty post seems to have an explanation for everything, Ellenborough, except the fact that the OP is conflicted about how to respond to this news. Honestly, do you have nothing better to do than post vile speculation about distressed strangers on the internet?

Yes but some people might have more emotional/moral feelings about having an embryonic human 'removed' than having a tooth removed; is that difficult to imagine?

No, and it shouldn't be difficult to imagine that some women find having an embryonic human removed far less difficult than a tooth. And are for more relieved after the embryonic himian have been removed than after the tooth. And you dont need silly comparisons to the dentist anyway. All this bullshit around abortion is designed to push women into feeling guilty or terrified when choices like this appear. I'm not massively convinced by the OP but if it is true youre talking about someone who has been parenting for 20 years being forced to do it for another 20 due to a contraception failure. Someone who doesn't want to be pregnant. Due to all this fear mongering about how abortion affects you.

But not everyone else can feel that way so, have some empathy and don't compare dental work and abortions

I was responding to multiple posters who said it wasnt the same as the dentist. Speak to them.

Some of these responses are quite hard to read

OP, do what YOU feel is best. He may or may not want to stay in regards to this pregnancy, you are not the first or last women to fall pregnant early into a relationship!

BTW, my elder DD is a little younger than your youngest DD and l also have a one year old child. Despite the age difference, they have a lovely bond.

I became pregnant for a 3rd time whilst breastfeeding my 2nd (planned if that matters) - and what was to be our only other.
I can absolutely relate to your feelings OP, my then-h wasn’t happy at the news, I was shocked and not exactly thrilled- and we had a young-ish baby on hand and an older child.
We had pretty much decided not to proceed with pg no3 when I had a mc.

I was surprised at how sad I was, but tbvh, shortly afterward, I felt only relief.
I’ve also terminated in my 20’s - a good decision for me - a single broke person - at that time and it’s a decision I’ve never regretted for an instant
Wishing you the best of luck with everything.

No, and it shouldn't be difficult to imagine that some women find having an embryonic human removed far less difficult than a tooth

I personally doubt that the majority of women find having an abortion emotionally less difficult than removing a tooth - and if was the emotional aspect that I was discussing. (Which was weirdly, ridiculously absent from the post).

Since op has already said she doesn't really want an abortion, it's rather likely that she falls within the group that group; so posting about how it's easier than having a tooth removed, ignoring all emotional/moral implications, is insensitive, callous actually.

I was responding to multiple posters who said it wasnt the same as the dentist. Speak to them.

Yes you went one step further and said it was actually easier and quicker than the dentist.

It's not callous If she doesn't want ine she wont have one. It's no skin off her nose. We don't all have to tip toe around abortion like it's some fucking terrible secret when a third of women have one.

personally doubt that the majority of women find having an abortion emotionally less difficult than removing a tooth - and if was the emotional aspect that I was discussing. (Which was weirdly, ridiculously absent from the post

Most women don't worry about their abortions that they have I know that offends certain people but it's true. Would be far more scarred by missing a front tooth on a daily basis. And again, if we can make shit comparisons to dentisttr against abortion. Expect for people to point out they are inaccurate

Most women don't worry about their abortions that they have I know that offends certain people but it's true. Would be far more scarred by missing a front tooth on a daily basis

What do you base that on?

( And yes it is massively lacking in empathy and consideration (if you prefer that to callous) to post about abortions without the slightest acknowledgement that they have an emotional and moral aspect,vwhen the op, whom we are supposed to be helping, had stated she doesn't want to have one, with the implication that she does not fall into the "I'd be more bothered about a chipped tooth" category).

Here you go Moralitym1n1

“According to a new study that tracked hundreds of women who had abortions, more than 95 percent of participants reported that ending a pregnancy was the right decision for them. Feelings of relief outweighed any negative emotions, even three years after the procedure.

In 2013, the researchers published the results from interviews conducted just one week after women had an abortion; at that point, too, the vast majority of women said they felt it was the right choice for them. The most common emotion they reported was relief.“

Obviously they didn’t compare it to dental problems as that’s not exactly relevant and just a comparison used by a previous poster :)

thinkprogress.org/this-study-should-end-the-debate-about-whether-women-regret-having-abortions-128dd77fa34c/

Thank you stacktherocks.

Morality maybe try google next time.

I have had an abortion. I was young and it was the right option for my partner and I. We'd just moved to London and couldn't support ourselves let alone a baby as well.

There was no doubt in my decision because for us, that's what was best and I still believe it was the right thing to do.

I know a couple of others who have all said the same thing and it was a relief when it was over. I don't really think about it that often, unless things like this pop up.

However, the OP sounds like she wants the baby and it does come across like the decision is made in her head so for her to have an abortion, it would be a lot harder than it was for me.

I wish you well OP. I hope the Dad steps up to the plate, if not I'm sure you'll do a great job and I hope you get the support you need.

Agreed, Laurie. Not normal.

Wtf is wrong with some people? Is there a points system now for the vilest nastiest response to a thread?

Op
I really hope you are reading the supportive comments and ignoring the fuckwits.

I had an termination for foetal abnormality and it was the worst thing I've ever endured. And I often regret it. So do what's right for you and go with your heart.

Wtaf is wrong with people here now? It wasn't like this when I joined it really wasn't. It was always honest but never ever vile or cruel .

Obviously they didn’t compare it to dental problems

One study (how large) saying that relief outweighed other emotions is not "would be bothered more by a missing tooth". It acknowledges there are other emotions, which "easier and faster than a dental visit" does not.

Morality maybe try google next time.

I'll Google of I feel like googling dear.

Besides google could probably produce research to the contrary, I don't have time to get into it. Nor do I need to to know saying abortion is easier and faster than a visit to the dentist is inappropriate and cold (understatement) in a thread in which an op has stated she doesn't really want one, and in general for that matter.

Also, take your own advice and try googling "Study Claiming Women Don’t Regret Abortions Deeply Flawed and Deceptive". I don't find the article on the study hysterical in any way, it beaks it down with reasonable questions and points. It also mentions another 2 year study that appears to suggest the contrary.

But in any case, even if accurate, the study didn't prove any of your ridiculous, cavalier, utterly lacking in empathy for people who do have reservations and emotions about abortion "easier and faster than a visit to the dentist", "more scarred by a missing tooth than an abortion" statements.