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Original poster

Unexpectedly pregnant very early on in relationship!

286 replies

penguinsmarching · 22/04/2019 22:33

Earlier I took a test (more like 5) and well I'm pregnant. I'm not sure how to feel, I've only been with my bf for a few months, I already have two DD's and never really saw myself having anymore. I just can't believe it, I'm on the pill but I was sick over a month ago for quite a while, perhaps that effected it. I've yet to even tell my youngest that I'm in a relationship, oldest knows but hasn't met him, the rest of my family haven't either some know about him some don't. Then there's telling him, I don't even know how he'll react

OP posts:
llangennith · 23/04/2019 10:46

penguinsmarching you have two separate decisions to make.

  1. Do you want another child and all that that entails for the next 18 years or so?
  2. Do you want a long term permanent relationship with the father?
CarolDanvers · 23/04/2019 10:52

This is a very interesting and rather frightening thread. Really shows exactly how much right society in general believe they have over women, their bodies and pregnancy choices even here on a female dominated site. The entitlement people feel they have to so forcefully express their views actually at a pregnant woman and towards women and their choices in general is sobering. Shameful comments from some on here.

LaurieMarlow · 23/04/2019 10:54

Being pro choice is NOT the same as saying that women in situations some judge to be less than ideal are morally obliged to have abortions.

A million times this.

NaturalBornWoman · 23/04/2019 10:58

Also, you could easily have 3 kids by one man and he could be the worst father ever!!!

And that would also be a poor decision. It isn't 3 different men that's the issue is it, it's multiple examples of continuing poor judgment.

WithAllIntenseAndPurposes · 23/04/2019 11:39

I would like to ask again how op plans to financially support the baby

Someoneonlyyouknow · 23/04/2019 11:47

@Myheartbelongsto

I said my termination was PHYSICALLY easier than dentist appointments in response to the people who were telling the OP that it wasn't. I'm sorry your experience was very different and I can imagine that would probably colour your feelings afterwards. Another poster also told the OP she would regret an abortion every day of her life and that is definitely not true for me. Every day I think about the DC I have and I'm very grateful for them.

Myheartbelongsto · 23/04/2019 11:57

I would like to ask again how op plans to financially support the baby.

None of your business or your concern to be honest.

Op, if your baby was here and you posted asking for advice to leave a partner, most of the responses would be telling you what you're entitled to, there'd be links to entitled.com or benefits checker or whatever they are.

Not sure why so many feathers have been ruffled here.

WithAllIntenseAndPurposes · 23/04/2019 12:55

But her partner hasn't left she is planning to have a child without being able to support it

WithAllIntenseAndPurposes · 23/04/2019 12:56

While I have to work to pay for my kids it certainly is my business when other people decide they don't want to

Ellenborough · 23/04/2019 13:23

OP has acknowledged she had vomiting on the pill. It’s common knowledge that vomiting affects the effectiveness of the pill as if it’s not in your system and you lose it through being sick before it’s been fully absorbed you’ve effectively missed a pill. But even if it’s not common knowledge, the patient information leaflet makes it clear.

I went on the pill at 15, 30 odd years ago and even I knew that then.

RLEOM · 23/04/2019 13:27

Whatever you decide, it'll be the right choice for you.

stacktherocks · 23/04/2019 13:30

I went on the pill at 15, 30 odd years ago and even I knew that then.

Yeah, I went on it at the same age around fifteen years ago for heavy periods, not even for contraception, and it was made clear to me then (as well as being spelled out in every patient info leaflet in every type of pill I’ve hed since). Something doesn’t add up.

Myheartbelongsto · 23/04/2019 13:30

Stack my first husband is an architect, earns megabucks now as a partner in a practice, had his own house, nice car, good education. Biggest cunt you could meet.

Left him and met the most wonderful man that could live and guess what, he's been to prison. My baby days are over but I'd have a child with him tomorrow.

Myheartbelongsto · 23/04/2019 13:32

Stack and Ellen why keep going with unhelpful comments.

CarolDanvers · 23/04/2019 13:32

While I have to work to pay for my kids it certainly is my business when other people decide they don't want to

Nope. It really isn’t.

Bunnyfuller · 23/04/2019 13:36

Regardless of pregnancy, other kids, lack of income

New sexual partner=condoms FFS!

And regardless of judging/not judging, being on benefits is only going to get harder as they’re pared back and criteria goalposts moved.

Giving your view is what AIBU is for, and if some think the OP needs to bin the rose coloured glasses, then that’s it. No one has said the OP must have an abortion, people have simply put some harsh facts out there that the OP hasn’t given the impression of factoring into her decision to keep the pregnancy.

Did you both get tested for STIs prior to choosing to have sex without condoms, OP?

LaurieMarlow · 23/04/2019 13:37

While I have to work to pay for my kids it certainly is my business when other people decide they don't want to

No it isn’t.

You don’t get to decide where your taxes go.

WithAllIntenseAndPurposes · 23/04/2019 13:40

Maybe not but I still get to express how feckless it is

stacktherocks · 23/04/2019 13:45

Myheartbelongsto OP hasn’t responded yet so who knows whether she finds the comments helpful or not? Either way she sought advice and opinions here as she knew she’d get a wide range of them and so people are giving them. Please don’t try to be the thread police :)

Myheartbelongsto · 23/04/2019 13:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

WithAllIntenseAndPurposes · 23/04/2019 13:52

Most wonderful man who's been to prison 🙄
I do wonder what standards people choose partners by at times

stacktherocks · 23/04/2019 14:12

Most wonderful man who's been to prison 🙄
I do wonder what standards people choose partners by at times

I’ve met loads of great guys who’ve been to prison in the past and sorted themselves out and learned lessons/now help others. Often for minor crime related to addiction like shoplifting to feed a habit they’ve been sober from for years.

It’s not so much what’s in someone’s past that’s the biggest worry here, it’s barely knowing someone at all. When you’ve had time to get to know someone you can assess the risks and consider what their past holds and how they’ve changed. When you don’t know someone for very long literally anything could be in their past and you haven’t known them long enough to see how they cope or act when the going gets tough/once the honeymoon period wears off.

Ellenborough · 23/04/2019 14:20

Great post stack

Putthatlampshadeonyourhead · 23/04/2019 14:26

WithAllIntenseAndPurposes so you think people who go to prison, for any reason, dont deserve a life after. Even if they turn their lives around?

You dont believe have paid their debt to society and moved on? No rehabilitation.

That's a very sad outlook

Downthecanal · 23/04/2019 14:39

I would like to ask again how op plans to financially support the baby

absolutely none of your business.

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