Unexpectedly pregnant very early on in relationship!

[penguinsmarching]

Earlier I took a test (more like 5) and well I'm pregnant. I'm not sure how to feel, I've only been with my bf for a few months, I already have two DD's and never really saw myself having anymore. I just can't believe it, I'm on the pill but I was sick over a month ago for quite a while, perhaps that effected it. I've yet to even tell my youngest that I'm in a relationship, oldest knows but hasn't met him, the rest of my family haven't either some know about him some don't. Then there's telling him, I don't even know how he'll react

While I have to work to pay for my kids it certainly is my business when other people decide they don't want to

Oh be off with you! It’s really hasn’t got anything to do with you. Focus on your own shit.

You mean go off and flog yourself to death so the op and others of her ilk don't have to

Op and her ilk?

What do you mean?

I mean people who plan to have kids they can't pay for
Honestly people are more outraged that people have pets they can't afford

Personally I’m more than happy for my taxes to go to single parents as it’s not the child’s fault. The whole point of benefits for parents is so that the kids aren’t suffering through no fault of their own, growing up in abject poverty that makes it all the more difficult for them to aim for anything higher in their own lives and repeating the cycle. Ask me if I’d like my taxes raised so that the welfare system is fit for purpose for all and I’d say a resounding yes.

But that doesn’t change the fact that when people are at a stage where they can consider whether or not they should bring another mouth to feed into the world they shouldn’t think very, very carefully. Once the child is here it’s too late. When they’re still a plan or an embryo you have choices. Even though there’s a benefits system it’s not exactly going to provide adequate resources to give a child everything they deserve for the first eighteen years of their life. It’s a hard struggle. And it’s not fair on the child, which is a much bigger more important consideration than what fraction of the taxes you pay goes on how many families, imo.

I mean people who plan to have kids they can't pay for
Honestly people are more outraged that people have pets they can't afford

Deary me 🙄

When they’re still ... an embryo you have choices

I don’t think everyone necessarily feels like that (referring to their own embryo).

I wouldn’t.

And money absolutely wouldn’t be a major deciding factor for me.

Stack well said 're prison.

Withallintense I think you just need a good rogering love, with a condom of course.

My boyfriend went to prison for 3 weeks for no a driving offence, hardly the crime of the century.

It's interesting how money isn't a factor for some people. I guess it's nice to be able to think that way and know there's a safety net to save you.

@LaurieMarlow money really isn’t a deciding factor? So you’d inflict poverty and scraping by on an unborn child and children you may already have? That is so utterly selfish it’s unreal.

money really isn’t a deciding factor? So you’d inflict poverty and scraping by on an unborn child and children you may already have? That is so utterly selfish it’s unreal.

Personally, denying that life is something I couldn’t do morally. I appreciate others are different, no judgement on anyone else.

I’d make a plan to provide financially in the longer term but no way would I abort just because I’m on benefits now.

I guess it's nice to be able to think that way and know there's a safety net to save you

Well it is a benefit of living in the UK, yes.

Money would not be a deciding factor for me either.

What happens to existing kids that face hard times when parents can't work due to job loss, illness, divorce etc you just get on with it.

I quit my job 3 years ago to care for someone, I stopped doing this 5 months ago and I've not yet returned back to work. So only for 5 months I haven't worked at all. Thinking it through I could make this work, it's obviously not going to be easy and I'm not completely sure yet

Of course you get on with it, but choosing to bring a child into a life where they have to struggle is just something that baffles me.

Things change, and situations change. But to actually decide to give a child a life like that? That is only caring about yourself and parenting is about doing what is best for your kid, not you.

A life like what, op is not living in victorian london and facing the workhouse.

Ok could be living a good life.

Well it is a benefit of living in the UK, yes.

For some people. Some people earn too much to get any help, but don't earn enough to have a baby because of high rent costs, student loans debts etc.

Me and DP have very very little disposable income but aren't entitled to any help, if we had to pay for childcare I would have had to quit my job.

myheartbelongsto there are children in the UK living in poverty with school meals being the only way they eat. Not quite Victorian but still poverty.

Hi there all,

OP hasn't been back for quite a while, and this thread doesn't seem to be going very well. We're going to take it down now.

OP HAS been back - 13 minutes ago.

They have nothing to do with op though do they.

She was entitled to some support here but instead has been judged and berated.

Good luck OP, whatever you do make sure that it's what you want to do.

Whoops! Look like OP just has come back...

Nothing to see here

@Prequelle we're in exactly the same decision, entitled to n o help however if we had a child, I would have to quit and we'd be really struggling and still probably not entitled to anything.

You’ve spent the last 21 years looking after kids and other people.... don’t you want some time for your dreams ?