Dating Thread 156 - It is hot hot hot

[midcenturylegs]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Link to previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3543468-dating-thread-152-onwards-and-upwards

Ah supercali so sorry......(offers hanky and comfort snacks)

I got accepted to 'Prick Advisor Group' but it's just women ranting about men. No mention of who or anything. Can't see it being overly helpful but just rather depressing 🤷.

He's 4. It is hard work. Especially hard work when he's begging to see his dad and I just say he's still working even though he's not but just on the piss 🙄.

Totally agree @ItsAMiracle2015 that's 100% not the group I was looking for at all. I've left the group.

Question... do you ever think guys miss or hurt the way we do?

@JeSuisPrest so I got back on Tinder and Bumble post ending things with Mr Mystery.

Within 48 hours I’ve had loads of swipes and matches, (probably helped by shaving —5– a few years off my age). And last night had a night out with a 36 year old Italian stallion 😂 cocktails and tapas that ended in a very passionate sleepover. It won’t be anything meaningful but I had a lot of fun!!

lifegoes I've left too! I thought it was going to be more helpful if I'm honest but it's like reading through the 'relationships' posts on here. Depressing! I think the narcissist men that we like never ever hurt the way we do. Not in them. I do think the nice guys that we don't go for definitely do. MrBaker sent me a message last night about how much he liked me and that he'd be happy to do something casual. A little contradictory and it did make me feel guilty and confused.

@ItsAMiracle2015 that group has knocked me over the edge I think. Sooooo many!!

I just think I deserved an apology or some acknowledgement but nothing! I guess I never understand how someone can just switch off like that.
Saying that, I'm still speaking to his 21yr "ex" GF (don't ask, not my choice) and she's not heard anything from him since Wednesday and they were together 3 years

I don't want him at all, but I want something from him.

@lifegoes do you think this is stopping you moving on? I only say this as my best friend is in a similar situation but with a cheating ex and she just seems to always be caught up in the drama of it all. Can't you draw a line under things and just focus on yourself. These kinds of people will just sap the life force out of you somehow and you deserve so much better.

It's so hard lifegoes but narcissists don't have the same empathy that normal people do. They don't have that feeling of guilt and remorse. There's no point even trying to get that out of them because even if they say what you want them to say, they won't mean it and it'll only be because they gain something from saying it. Honestly, you're better off finding a brick wall and smashing your head against it.

So he’s back on the apps less than 3 weeks after he told me that I meant the world to him but that he was not in a good place....
When will this hurt easier to bear (I was looking only to see if I could cope with going back on myself - the answer to that is definitely no). Still feeling absolutely crap, whilst he is clearly not.

@Eesha yes I do, she's added me on IG which he will see, she's liking my pictures! Sending me messages daily, I do ask how she is, which I need to stop but I feel awful if I don't. She's so young, although I do think it's strange she's not cried yet. She just says she can't believe he hasn't been in touch.

It's just keeping me involved, which is making me think about him.

@ItsAMiracle2015 you are so right, this will be my fault somehow in his eyes. My ex was the same when I found out he was still happily married and not separated. He never once apologised said it was my fault and that how dare I play the victim as I had ruined his little boys life 🙄.

Nowthefun that sucks, Mr SA did the same and it was hard seeing him on there but tbh it proved what sort of person he is. It does hurt ☹️

Another child free day tomorrow and no date ☹️. Another day gardening and enjoying my own company.

Sometimes @Lovemusic33 that's exactly what you need, your own company for a bit

Honestly lifegoes you need to stop speaking to her. Her drama isn't yours. And it's not your fault. It's his. My ex spouted so much shit at me when he cheated. It was my fault because I didn't pay him enough attention. It was my fault he didn't come home for 3 days at a time because I made it so hard for him to come home 🙄. Honestly I cringe at the shit I put up with.

You are better off without him. And her. And all the bullshit.

@ItsAMiracle2015 how do I stop she messages all the time. I feel for her as she's so young. Do I just say next time... I'm going to let you heal now as talking to me is just hurting you more and tbh stopping me moving on.

Is that bad?

@ItsAMiracle2015 I bet you and I could writer a book 😂😂😂

@lifegoes maybe say to her it's hurting you a lot and that you want to get over things, that it's better you no longer speak. My ex's spurned gf after me got in touch with me and I told her that, otherwise what value was she adding to mine.

Yeah tbh @Eesha nothing has even been mentioned about how this has hurt me. I've tried to keep my emotions out of it. As I'm not convinced she isn't speaking to him. And I don't want him knowing I'm hurt.

Why does it matter whether he knows whether you're hurt? You are hurt. And with every right. I would literally say what you said. You need to move forward, and whilst you understand she's hurting, so are you.

@ItsAMiracle2015 he'll prob get off over it ha.

You are both right, next time she messages I'm going to say that and try to be nice still.

He does not give a shit that you're hurt. If he had conscious he wouldn't have played you for weeks, promised you he wouldn't do the same as the other twats and then did exactly the same. I get the pride thing but you are hurt. And there's no point hoping he's going to realise he's been a twat. He does not care.

You are better than that. And him. A million times over.

@ItsAMiracle2015 I needed that. Right plan is to hope she does message so I can say that. My heart is just not in swiping yet so I'm going for a drive down the beach to clear my head. Thank you xxx

@shitwithsugaron she had requested me when she sent the message about being his GF and asking if I had been with him. I accepted and followed back at the time I didn't really think. But a few days on I'm like oh god.

I'm thinking of just sending that message now and not even waiting for her to send anything.

I would send the message now lifegoes and then block her and him (I don't have Instagram so not sure on how it works). The only way to move on is to accept it's happened and it's in the past. You don't owe her anything. Massive hugs! Wishing you were close and you could come share some wine! ♥️