What is the norm wrt rent when having a partner move in with you?

[glassofh2o]

DP and I have been dating for a little less than a year now, and we've been talking about moving in together. She'd be moving into my place since it's literally right across the street from her place of work. Thus far, the only other person I've ever had living with me was my ex boyfriend who paid half the rent. That's not quite possible with DP now though, given her salary. She's also said that in the past, none of her ex-girlfriends charged rent since they'd be paying the same if they were living alone anyway. That doesn't sound fair though, does it?

What's the so-called norm when it comes to something like this?

I hardly think on a salary of 4K pm you need a kick start, I'd be embarrassed taking money of my parents in your position. Come into the real world.

The story here is more like, I am very well off, should I let my GF move in and subsidise her temporarily I'm moving abroad soon probably alone?

It's your choice, she doesn't want to pay you anything and you have to decide regardless if you want more of her company before you go.

Blimey OP, you’re minted! I have to say, I feel sorry for your parents. They’re giving you SO much money. And you’re going to bugger off abroad for ever!

Your girlfriend is being cheeky, but to be honest you’ve got so much money yourself, I wouldn’t have thought it would matter too much if you subsidised her . Surely you’d barely notice it.

Hahaha that drip feed. My goodness. If my partner was that loaded - half of which is unearned income - I'd be a bit peeved at having to pay rent too to be honest.

I'm no she's taking the piss she's a CF, either pay half the rent as your both sharing or suggest you both aren't ready to move in together.

She's also said that in the past, none of her ex-girlfriends charged rent since they'd be paying the same if they were living alone anyway. That doesn't sound fair though, does it?
That's not a good start is it? Living rent free at her Mum’s. Wanting the same at yours is cheeky. Is she expecting you to be her second mum (cooking, cleaning, laundry etc) as well as being extremely convenient for work so no commuting costs either?!

Her logic was that she had student loans and credit card debt to pay off whereas I'm debt-free, earn a bit more than double that, and am incredibly lucky to have my parents "match" my take-home £1 for £1 to get me "started out".
Not your problem or, actually, her business. Perhaps on her actual adequate salary she can manage her finances better, particularly as she's been used to living rent free.

Also OP this will end up costing you money. You will lose your single occupier discount on council tax and you'll, effectively, be paying out more in utilities and food if (unlikely now?) she's living with you.

DON'T give her a key even if you decide she can't move in. She sounds cheeky enough to take advantage when it suits her. Good luck with the conversation. 🌷

The single occupancy council tax discount is probably about £500 I’m guessing? Even if it was £1000, it’s not exactly a huge concern when your take home tax free annual income is nearly £100k!

Sorry OP, I still think she is being cheeky but you are incredibly tight.

If you don't mind being a Sugar Momma knock yourself out.

£220 is frankly insulting. I'm assuming you're in London given the huge rent. I'm in an expensive part of the South West but obviously less than London. And 220 would get a room in a slug infested house. Plus bills. She's mad.

"It's not unusual for people in their 20s to receive money from a fund set up by their parents to travel, tide them over while they find a job they love, give them a kick-start in life etc."

Absolute NONSENSE.
You have no idea how privileged you are.
You HAVE a job, you earn more than twice the average for a woman your age, and you don't need "a kick-start in life".
Your parents give you a shitload of money and that's their choice, good for you, but don't pretend that a. you need it and b. it's a "normal" situation.

Mintychoc
Single person discount for council tax is 25% so it depends on her council tax bill.
It's all rather beside the point though when your spare income after rent is £5500/month.

You’re taking a shot load of money you don’t need from your parents and now you’re surprised to meet someone as CF as you - amirite?

Your situation is not normal. Sorry but it just isn't.

But on the other hand as wealthy young woman you need to toughen up and realise their are gold diggers out there, and start to spot the signs.

I sounds like you are at different points of lives - maturity wise. You should really think about this next step.

What the heck is your job?!

What you earn/get from parents is irrelevant. Your DP has suggested that she live with you rent free or at least for very little. As an absoluite minimum, she should bre paying for the additional costs e.g. gas, electric, phone, food etc. £220 all-inclusive is nowhere near enough even for this. Since she's now saving travel time, has she even offered to do the cleaning etc. instead, as part of her share?

She doesn't sound mature enough to share a house with imho. I'm betting it wouldn't be long before you find yourself paying for her clothes, makeup 'treats' etc.

It's not unusual for people in their 20s to receive money from a fund set up by their parents to travel, tide them over while they find a job they love, give them a kick-start in life etc.

It really, really is.

Also as above. I'm late 20s. No one I know gets anything from their parents. If they're struggling financially they live with them and pay rent, which still means they're not taking money from their parents assuming they at least cover the cost of their bills. Just cheaper than market value. Getting money from your parents is definitely unusual . Most people stop getting pocket money (granted this is on a different scale) as soon as they get a job in their teens. I suppose wealthy families help kids through uni but that's a bit different.

"It's not unusual for people in their 20s to receive money from a fund set up by their parents to travel, tide them over while they find a job they love, give them a kick-start in life etc."

Yes it really is! But then I also don't know anyone who took home £4K pm in their mid twenties. And yes I know plenty of people who work in tech, thanks.

I was 32 I think before I earnt that, and no one matched my salary!

I predict the OP will be back in a few months wondering how to get rid of her freeloading gf. Your gut feeling is saying no. There's a reason for that.

And no, I'm nearly 50 and I've NEVER met anyone who's parents find them in the way you're talking about.

If you don't own the house maybe you can go without paying rent as she'd have to pay it anyway! Bloody ridiculous.

How do things work now in the relationship financially? If you go out for example do you each pay half or do you as the higher income partner pay for everything? If you want to stay home is it you who pays for the costs - food drinks etc or does your GF generally make a thing of contributing?

He offer to you suggests she sees you as rich and therefore should subsidize her, she seems to have a belief that in this relationship her charm and company are more than a fair contribution to the relationship.

If you already cover costs and she spends most of her time at yours then presumably you are seeing it that you are already unofficially in her deal without actually spelling it out. Now it's spelled out. If you are considering taking her with you on your relocation then presumably you have your own ideas about why you want to give this set up a go as if you take her with you without knowing how well the relationship can work, you're taking a bigger risk.

I don't understand why people are ganging up against OP. Some people in life are born privileged, it doesn't mean you get to dismiss their concerns. Isn't that called reverse snobbery or something? I'm sure Mumsnet got a name for that kind of attitude. For disclosure I'm you average Jane on average salary of £1.4k per month.

Your GF is chancing it IMO. It really doesn't sound right.

Why is OP's income coming under attack? Presumably her parents are very wealthy and they want her to learn how to be smart with her money, making clever investments.

I don't see how it is relevant to her situation with her girlfriend.

Op not only would I not allow her move in, I would end the relationship.

She is mid 20's yet has moved into previous partners (plurals!) places rent free. She is now living in her mother's. She discovered your financial situation by noseying through your private correspondence.

At best she is an immature self entitled brat. But I actually think she is more likely a manipulative gold-digger.

You deserve better.

@Doesitevenmatternow l think it’s jealousy basically. Her income isn’t the point. We all need to contribute to relationships and not freeload. My ex husband at times earned 8-10 times more than me. I still put my fingers in my pocket and didn’t expect to be kept

If she's not prepared to pay proportionally to your incomes, then she's a gold digger, and you should reconsider having her move in. £220 including bills and food is just insane.
She sounds really horrible. And what's the betting that when you move abroad, she expects you to keep this place on for her?