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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Positive signs you’d found a keeper.

233 replies

Whodafeck · 17/04/2019 13:13

Inspired by another thread.

Small things, or maybe larger, that meant you knew you’d got a decent caring person.

I’ll start.

On our second date.

I’d made a balls of flights and ended up coming into a different airport. He drove 80 miles each way to pick me up and took me to dinner.

Fourth date. Got up at 5am to drop me to an early train. I was going to get an Uber or walk (it was only a 5-10 min walk).

OP posts:
namestar · 17/04/2019 20:13

I kerbed his brand new BMW and bust the tyre. I had to phone him to come and get me so we could get a new tyre.

I was in such a state when I phoned him. When he arrived he gave me a huge hug and reassured me it was only a car and that he was more concerned I'd hurt myself.

He washes that car weekly without fail and has never once mentioned the buggered alloys.

A million more things too. He's lovely.

katmarie · 17/04/2019 20:17

I love this thread :) my dh is so kind and thoughtful. He makes me packed lunches, coffee every morning, and dinner most nights. When I had norovirus while pregnant he cared for me constantly despite just getting over it himself. He tops up the screen wash in my car. He let's me sit in my favourite spot on the sofa even though it's his favourite spot too. The other night he gave me a spontaneous pedicure because I'm rubbish at looking after my feet. Everything he does has me and our ds at the centre. I really do love him :)

Glassier · 17/04/2019 20:21

This thread has brought so much meaning to my friends’ repeated advice ‘You deserve so much more’.

30not13 · 17/04/2019 20:22

I reread the lists in the book by Lundy Bancroft about how to pinpoint red flags. I can't recall it's title though Blush
When I first read it ex met pretty much every red flag trait. And retreading it on getting with DP, he met none of them. I simply didn't recognise any part of him in those lists of what to look out for.
Happily been proven right over and over so it's good to see my judgment being right for a change.

64632K · 17/04/2019 20:23

I hate orange juice with bits, couldn't find any smooth OJ. He sieved all the bits out for me

GoBrookeYourself · 17/04/2019 20:27

In the first couple of months of dating, I’d mentioned I’d always imagined myself being engaged by 25 and married by 26 and didn’t think anything of it, conversation quickly moved on. He then, later on in or relationship, proposed the day before I turned 25 and we got married before I turned 26- he’d remembered I’d said that, we’d known each other were ‘the one’ and he hadn’t wanted me to be disappointment. Most perfect husband ever and I couldn’t have dreamed of a better proposal.

TheBlackDaliah · 17/04/2019 20:27

Such a lovely thread, so many lovely husbands and partners 😍

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 17/04/2019 20:28

That I still thought he was sex on legs despite his hideous t-shirt. The colour of mushy peas and, frankly, short enough to border on crop top.

GoBrookeYourself · 17/04/2019 20:29

Oh also, I’d always loved Christmas but due to my parents being quite religious (Muslim), i’d never celebrated it. He isn’t Muslim and a month into dating it was our first Christmas but obviously too early to be spending it together. He sourced halal food for me, brought me a halal Christmas dinner and a card. Meant the world to me.

Harvey3 · 17/04/2019 20:32

@Babdoc your post made me cry - he sounds like he was a lovely man 💐

Hotterthanahotthing · 17/04/2019 20:32

No one is saying how long they've been married so this hard to judge if these are keepers.

GoBrookeYourself · 17/04/2019 20:33

Sorry, meant proposed the day before I turned 26 and married whilst I was 26 Blush

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 17/04/2019 20:38

hotter we were together for 20 years, would have been married for 18 this year.

Ginger1982 · 17/04/2019 20:57

Broke my ankle 2 months after we met and ferried me about when I couldn't drive.

BoreOfWhabylon · 17/04/2019 20:57

Lovely thread.

Babdoc Flowers. Gretchen Flowers

Aimily · 17/04/2019 21:02

Awww this is the cutest thread!! Loving all the positive posts that are being made today!!

I love going for walks and he hates them, he's a gym bunny type while as I'm a let's go explore for 5 hours type.
He foregos the gym a few days a week in the summer months and comes for random walks with me. It was about 3 months into our relationship the first time he did this, he gave up his 'me time' to spend time with me, doing what I enjoy even though he hates it.
His reason? He spoke to both sets of mums about ways to talk about stuff without other people being around to hear (we were both living at home when we got together) and they both said walk, or get me in the gym... The gym lasted on average 6 weeks and then I would give up 😂

FreeButtonBee · 17/04/2019 21:06

Lowering the tone somewhat but letting me have sex with my socks on. TBF his rental flat was absolutely freezing!

Original poster
Whodafeck · 17/04/2019 21:10

The first time we had sex I wasn’t expecting it. Legs and bits weren’t shaved and he went down on me with abandon. And loved it. And doesn’t care what state my bits are in as like as I’m enjoying it. 😳

OP posts:
LadyFlumpalot · 17/04/2019 21:10

I'd mentioned casually that I like dinosaurs and would love to go fossil hunting on the Isle Of Wight some day so he arranged it all, woke me up early, bundled me in the car and took me on a magical mystery tour to the Isle of Wight for a day at the dinosaur museum and fossil hunting.

Figured out how to make my favourite dish from the posh Italian and surprised me with it one evening.

Worked out how to tease me out of a grump.

Hotterthanahotthing · 17/04/2019 21:21

Gretchen,sound like good years though.Flowers

DesperadoDan · 17/04/2019 21:46

I’m actually in tears reading all these lovely posts, it’s hitting home how bad my relationship was and how he NEVER did anything for me EVER. What a mug I was!

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 17/04/2019 21:49

They were the best.

MBM18 · 17/04/2019 21:52

MrsTerryPratchett

The big things are to show off to other people. The small things are just for you.

^^ love this, so true!

DobbyLovesSocks · 17/04/2019 21:54

First week we met he stayed at my place two nights and although we shared a bed he never made a move. Just cuddled me. Day of our first official date I text him to say I had awful heartburn/indigestion and he met me an hour later with the contents of Tesco's medicine aisle as he 'wasn't sure which brand I needed/liked/wanted'. He also bought my shopping a few weeks (I was a student at the time). He's the first person I had sex with and he made it such a special experience that I still remember it now. We have been together 17 years and married 14 this June.

Highlandspring1991 · 17/04/2019 21:57

Runs me a bath every night when I get home from work (only work in an office), buys me an advent calendar every year, loads of little things! He’s just bought me tea and biscuits