Dating thread 155 - Spring lovin'

[supercali77]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

@lilyrose88 I agree with others if youre actually dreading it...ditch it now! It's gonna be a roasting Easter weekend! Don't spend it with mr grabby pants!

@marlboroandmalbec34 nom nom!

jeSuis oh my!! (Fans self)

@JeSuisPrest hahaha. Love it. ;) got my fingers crossed for your minor accident that doesn't involve a visit to a&e

Thank you everyone for confirming that I am not being hyper critical or overthinking things. In many ways he is a lovely man but he is not the one for me. As we have dtd I will meet him tomorrow to end it, as I think he deserves more than a text saying thanks but no thanks. I suspect he will try to talk me out of ending things, or ask for another chance, but I will be resolute. And I will enjoy my Easter weekend by going to the gym on Saturday, having a wander round the shops and having lunch somewhere nice. My ankle isn't up to going for a run unfortunately.

Can I have the nachos now please - my favourite snack! I like them with melted cheese, sour cream and salsa. Not crazy about guacamole but will accept it if they come with it on already

@Ant330 not all men walk around peacocking fragile abusive egos but there are too many men who are unable to process the slightest whiff of rejection in a remotely healthy way. I have had lots of dates where experience has been shared where the woman openly tells me about experiences she has had.

@RollsEyes its ok, thanks for your comment

vwman honestly, you are projecting an awful lot of armchair psychology and sexist nonsense. You speak for yourself, not all men.

Thanks Lily , Super and Peanut its good to know Im not just being a cow.

JeSuisPrest hers hoping you get a fish supper and a ravishing, I'm rooting for you. But I have to say I think Mr Plumber is getting the feelz so I'm quite hopeful for him.

@LilyRose88 DTD or not I wouldn't be meeting with him again - send a brief text along the lines of "I'm sorry, but I've been thinking about things and I don't think we're suited so I'm going to end things between us before we go any further. I wish you all the best" He sounds like a sex pest. Do not give him the opportunity to try and talk you round. If he can't work out the reasons why you're not suited that's his look out - trying it on with to the point you felt assaulted is shocking

@LilyRose88 agree with jesuis here. You owe the man nothing after he transgressed your boundaries....and like you say he'll probably overstep again in person when you end it. Why put yourself through the grief? You've already put up with enough

JeSuis and supercali thank you for your comments. I do tend to be too kind and worry about everyone else's feelings rather than my own. He is a very nice guy but the hassling me for sex was really annoying and completely inappropriate, as was the hair puling after I had told him that I don't like it. He was still trying to pull my jeans off me when I was saying goodbye to him in the hallway by my front door!

I will text him tonight saying something similar to what JeSuis has suggested.

I haven't caught up yet, but skimming I just want to say @vwman If you want to give and receive advice, I think better to stick to your own personal experiences rather than trying to make generalisations.

@Sunshineandflipflops

We are exclusive FWB, but I think dating would be different. If you took away B part, we would have done exactly same thing before, which is definitely friends. I think a lot of people talk about FWB but actually mean fuckbuddy. If it was fb, I would expect it to be only a booty call, at the end of the day.

I assume exclusive FWB means just the benefits are exclusive, and she knows I am still swiping. (or Maybe exclusive friends?? ) Neither of us would want LTR from each other, so if I want LTR then I need to continue to look.

@LilyRose88 Very nice men do not hassle you for sex or pull your hair when you've asked them not to.

Read that again until it sinks in.

I am so angry on your behalf that that you only considered the age/distance issues were reasonable grounds for ending it, and not how he was treating you. [Flowers]

even my emojis are angry!

Good plan lillyrose and I will leave the guacamole on the side

Mr Big had a shag last night with an ex FWB. We are only FWB so that’s ok I suppose. We talk about everything and anything and had said last week that we were only currently dtd with each other but more because neither of us were meeting anyone we liked and if that changed we would tell each other.
So he told me. I wonder if I am been too cool I kind of responded like I wasn’t bothered and it was ok with me. So hard as we are not dating and cannot date each other and I want to date so am seeing others but don’t want to give him up

It makes me feel sad though that he was having sex with someone else ☹️

Might have to get out the big violins and eat chilli straight from the pan

Marlboro thank you, chilli nachos are awesome, I will take your guac Lily.

I also think you don't owe him a final meet Lily. I would say he has been very inappropriate and pushy, and really a text is perfectly fine. I like JeSuis's message.

JeSuis thank you and noted. I probably still have issues from being in an abusive relationship for 6 years (which ended 2 years ago). I did find the sex hassling and hair pulling unacceptable, but thought maybe he was just being a bit dense. But you are right, he is not a nice man, however unassuming and polite he may appear most of the time. I was really glad to see him leave on Sunday, which is very telling.

I need to think about why I wanted to focus in the age/distance thing as the reason for ending it, rather than the way he treated me.

Dancingwith do have my guacamole with pleasure, I am not a fan of avocado . I am now really hungry for some nachos!

oh just read your update Marlboro (damn work getting in the way of the thread!)

I understand how you feel. What was the reason you cant be in a relationship? Might it be time to take a step back if its making you feel bad?

I've just sent the text.

@Marlboroandmalbec34 aw that sucks. I don't think I ever read why you and mr big can't make a go of It? Honesty and upfrontness are essential but it can really bite you in the tits in a fwb situation

@LilyRose88 I have the same issue....side step talking about my own boundaries or needs. Its almost like i feel selfish. I read an article about co dependancy once and recognised a lot about myself. It's a bitch. X

@LilyRose88 YAAAAASSSSSS! Good for you.

By the way, what do you think about dating sites? Do you have experience of communication on such sites? What can come out of such communication?
I know only one friend who found a good man on the www.flirt.com/ dating site, they met and started a relationship. I have never tried to communicate on such sites. But it seems to me there are a lot of bad people.
How big a chance to meet a good man there?

Lily well done that woman!!

@LilyRose88 Well done! If he starts hassling you, just block him. Chalk this one up to experience and a lesson learned, it'll make you stronger going forward.

Eesha- get well! Teacher would be off now somlzots of free time.
Willard- you are right. Obese is not what you saw on the tin so would be a no. The thought of Sex with an obese belly makes me Bork.
Lily rose- well done. Distance, 15 years and pawing! Next!!!!

supercali Yes I have previously suspected that I have co-dependency issues, which is why I stayed so long in an abusive relationship, trying to 'fix' him. I did read 'Why does he do that' by Lundy Bancroft, which I found helpful in reassuring me that he was an abusive twat and I was not to blame. I will do a bit of reading about co-dependency, as it seems to be rearing its ugly head again for me.

JeSuis He hasn't read the text yet, but if he tries to get in contact I will block him.