Dating thread 155 - Spring lovin'

[supercali77]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

LilyRose that's a really difficult one. I think personally I would end it, because I want to look forward to dates, and for things to be easy and fun, not be worrying about distance and age. But then, ya know, I have zero luck getting anywhere so what do I know haha?
Super was it your iron who was being rude at your sleepover? Have you spoken to him about it?
Welcome to all the newbies, this is a great support thread!
Congrats to the loved up and those with exciting dates planned - lucky buggers.
vwman Sorry but I agree with PP's that is sexist twaddle. The guy just seems to want to show his date a good time, theres nothing to suggest BDSM and certainly no woman in this day and age with the wherewithal the ladies have on this thread is going to decide to be a subservient man pleaser. Those days are over thank goodness.

Could do with an opinion please. Have been talking to an iron (Mr Ginger) after being ghosted by both previous FWB who asked me on another date after being a dick first time round and other Iron Mr Finance who actually had a date planned with. Mr ginger seemd lovely, got on well, attracted to him etc. Asked for an extra picture and the one he sent showed him at a good 4/5 stone heavier than his profile. Now, I have to say that while I am not slim myself I am not particularly attracted to overweight men (I like a bit of a rugby bod but this was more obese than chubby) so I realise I may be being hypocritical.

however I was not impressed that he had put an old slimmer photo on his profile and called him out on it. I wasn't mean but I did say I felt it was dishonest as he was misrepresenting himself and I don't like feeling I have been misled. He didn't seem to see an issue as he "just like the picture". Well yeah, I prefer my pictures from 5 years ago - fewer grey hairs, fresher looking, slimmer, but that's not me anymore!

He said he was hurt that it was obviously all about looks for me, which I said it wasn't. It was the lie. But to be honest, I wouldn't have matched with him if I had seen his real photos. Am I really shallow and an awful person? Pre OLD me would have shut up and gone on a date knowing I didn't fancy him just to be polite.

I guess I'm just a little fed up of meeting idiots creeps and fakers. I know I am a catch, so I'm baffled.

Anyway, I'm on the tiny violin bench . We'll have a bloody full string orchestra by next month. Humph.

@supercali77 as I have said before its not anyones job here to save a man. Why is a man emotionally unavailable? Because he feels he is not good enough. But it's his job to repair his own ego, not to expect a woman to do it for him, which I suspect a lot of men try to do by dating after a breakup. They want exclusivity after a first date because they want you to save them

Vwman yes, which is why they are three times more likely than women to commit suicide because they cannot cope with it

Good god. Troll threads have been started on less than a comment like that.

What @Chocolate123 said. I've spent my life/marriage walking on eggshells round male egos. Wish I was gay. Sadly I'm not. And fortunately there are decent men out there. But a lot of filtering to find them.

Quick one, meant to have date tomorrow but came down with some vomiting bug last night. Early this morning sent a note to say I was unwell and could we maybe change the day. Haven't heard back but he is a teacher so probably working. Now thinking, few hours later, that I could be ok tomorrow if I just drink lots of water etc. Is it silly for me to go back and say could still do tmw?

@DancingWithWillard yeah it's that one. No we're discussing tomorrow. I gave broad idea over text....have to see. Also I think you're well in your rights to call him on it. It's not superficial to say you don't fancy someone now....i mean. Attraction is the base requirement right? Also....if he's meeting people who haven't seen him now he's probably not getting 2nd dates because of the lie. You're doing him a favour

@DancingWithWillard no it's false advertising. You'd send it back it you got something on eBay which didn't match photos. I know that's harsh as he's a person but we like what we like. We could all put old photos up. Not wanting someone obese is not shallow. I dated someone who was obese. I tried to overlook it but he literally couldn't keep up with me walking along the road. It's lifestyle as much as looks.

@Eesha this is mumsnet. Don't break the 48 hour rule! 🤣🤣🤣

Longstanding date with MrPlumber planned for Friday night. Drinks only. Knickers staying staying firmly in place. He knows and is fine although we are supposed to be FWB, I fear if may be tipping into something more. He phones me for an hour most nights, messages me during the day. Had a real heart to heart last night. He's terrified of having another broken heart but wants to be in love. I told him you don't have one without the possibility of the other, no one has a crystal ball 🤷‍♀️

Still on for Saturday afternoon date with MrCornish - nice walk along the coast path with the dogs to a little fishing village for fish and chips and a cider. I can't make it any less pressure than that?! We'll see what happens afterwards, but he's asked me to stay over so the failure to rise to the occasion hasn't put him off trying again...

Off to catch up with the thread now.

DancingWith I would not meet someone who had used very out-of-date photos on his profile. He is significantly heavier than his photos showed - 4 to 5 stone is an awful lot. Don't be guilt tripped into meeting him. You are not shallow - he is misrepresenting himself. I would not date an obese man either as I know that I would not be attracted to him.

@Peanuthedz what's this mysterious 48hr rule?....

Its not sexist, I am just highlighting as a man how a man thinks and feels which is different to how a woman thinks and feels. I think women on the whole are much stronger mentally and emotionally than men, you just need to recognise the needy man and avoid him and create a relationship with an emotionally strong man.

Sunshine I had a similar conversation with MissOz on Sat night, although we were in bed post DTD so probably a more natural situation for the subject to crop up.
It was our 1st time and having got that awkward one out of the way for want of a better expression, she asked me what I like in the bedroom, favourite positions, what don't I like etc.
I explained that I didn't have an answer really, my sex life with my ex was very vanilla and I'm not sure where my boundaries lie but I'd be happy to find out together.

MissOz has more experience than me in this area, but finds me "refreshing" after having an ex who was very different and left her feeling like what she wanted wasn't important and undervalued and unattractive as a result.
I'm looking forward to finding out together as we're clearly compatible in that department, which from most of the replies above, sounds like the best way forward.

@Eesha 48 hours after your last vom is the earliest you should return to work/school if you don't want to share

@Peanuthedz I've wished I was gay too. Sadly I draw the line at a vulva.

@JeSuisPrest your date with mr Cornish sounds like a rustic Rom com dream :)

Not all men think the same nor do women.

vwman you're not explaining how a man thinks, you appear to be applying what you think to all men. It's quite clear already that there are men on here who don't agree with some of your views. Happy to give the benefit of the doubt, but some of your posts sound like trolling to me.

Peanuthedz I get that I might be having an early wobble but I keep thinking of reasons to end it and have planned the 'talk' in my mind for when I see him tomorrow after work. I didn't want to mention some of the other reasons, but there are a couple of others. When he drove me home on Sunday he got really quite annoying about wanting a quickie with me before he left to drive back to his place. I explained that my daughter was arriving very soon, but he kept pawing at me and trying to get my jeans off. He tried three separate times despite me telling him to stop it. I actually felt like he was assaulting me at one point and had to tell him off. He also keeps grabbing and pulling my hair hard at 'intimate' moments or when he is trying to get intimate, and I have told him repeatedly that I don't like it.

He also snores terribly and I didn't get a wink of sleep on Saturday night as it was so loud. I am dreading this weekend as I have these things to contend with as well as the long drive down winding country lanes.

@LilyRose88 ah. Doesn't sound like a wobble then. Sounds like you want out. That's really not good re grabbing you.

Lily there's more than enough reasons there to end it immediately without meeting up!

dancingwith I have made chilli nachos for those of us on the tiny violin bench

@LilyRose88 , that extra information would confirm for me that he's not the man for you. You shouldn't be dreading anything about seeing him at this stage, you should be excited about the prospect of seeing him!

I also think that @vwman is getting a bit of a hard time here - remember that male opinions are useful, whether we agree with them or not!

@Ant330 Thank you - it's good to hear others are navigating this too and we sound quite similar in the my sex life with my ex wasn't unsatisfying but was quite vanilla and we never had open conversations about sex so it's all new to me. That doesn't have to mean uncomfortable though...I'm seeing it as he wants me to enjoy sex with him.

lillyrose I don’t think that’s a wobble. Sounds awful actually. You told him to stop

@supercali77 In my fantasy, there is twisted ankle incident which involves him sweeping me up in his arms and carrying me to a conveniently located, abandoned ramshackle farmhouse which happens to have a working open fire and rugs on the floor... 😳😂