Dating thread 155 - Spring lovin'

[supercali77]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

@Lovemusic33 I own a 1984 vw campervan

I see women constantly looking at my profile without contacting me. They are clearly interested but don't take the plunge. I've been told I am really good looking but I'm not vain and I am not lying on my profile, neither am I perfect. I am not right for every women, but I am perfect for some. I do not necessarily want the woman with the perfect body, I want a sensual woman but values are more important to me, are you honest, kind etc. You just need to find that needle in the haystack. The good men are there.

vwman I don’t want to put myself but I’m a camper owner too. I do have photos of my camper on my profile and I get fed up of people messaging me about my van 🤣. I speak to good looking men and you will be surprised how many struggle to get interest in POF, I think women are wary of really good looking men because often they are big headed and I think if I guys really good looking people often assume their profile is fake. Truth is though, what one woman might find atractive another may not, as I said, I like quirky looking men, I don’t mind big ears, love a beard but not keen on overweight guys, I tend to message people who have a friendly face.

I too don't tend to go for classically good looking, I just like normal pleasant looking human with interesting face. Not keen on very slim (because I feel fat next to them if I'm honest) but average /dad bod to quite a bit extra is fine with me, just not proper obese (current one is pretty heavy with slightly Daddy Pig figure but active and fairly fit with it).

Feedback I've had suggests I'm slightly prettier /more attractive than I think I am but I've spent a long time being invisible in my marriage so I'm not entirely sure that I'm the best judge.
I swiped on my current one because he gave off a 'don't give a shit' vibe, looked my type and seemed to be clever and low on bullshit... We are getting on v well. Very well.

myold you are doing the right thing by applying Rule 8 - if it’s not fun, if it’s actually causing you pain, then what is the blooming point? I deleted the apps months ago, occasionally I resurrect them when I’m bored but soon run away screaming. Don’t they say a third of couples meet online? That means two thirds don’t, so let’s get out there!

cbg that is shit behaviour on his part.

vwman I don’t believe in leagues either, just a big smile, a modicum of attraction then the ability to string two words together are all you need. If you’re not getting messages, are you smiling in your pictures?

Hope you don’t mind me joining in, I'm thinking about getting back out there & joining the world of dating. Any advice on which OLD sites are best? I have a POF profile but that’s been hidden for the past year or so.

I never saw anyone as out of my league but then again I never initiated contact with anyone either. To be attracted to someone it's 30% looks, 70% personality for me so until they'd began talking I never really found anyone that attractive anyway.
Don't think I've ever looked at a man and thought they were too good for me though, I find that a strange mentality

Wow, just caught up! You guys have been busy!

I'm still overly invested in Mr Guitarist with no arrangement to meet as yet, despite me asking. I do really like him and I explained my point on not wanting to get over invested but he's new to OLD and doesn't appear to get my point 🤷.

Anyhow, decided to get back to swiping as if it's this difficult to get a first date with Mr Guitarist I don't see how it could possibly work. I've matched with loads of guys on Bumble Friday and yesterday. The sun has brought them all out 😂. However, I live right by the sea so it also appears a lot are just down my way for the bank holiday weekend 🙄.

Lifegoes I looked for your updates and read through the thread this morning in anticipation 😂. I don't do multi dating. I will talk to a few, arrange a date, and then that's it I don't talk to others until I've had the date and made a decision. I don't think there's anything wrong with multi dating but it's not for me. And I don't think there's anything wrong with you saying it's not for you! 😘

@ceebeegee he is a total twat and a coward. Consider yourself lucky that you found this out now and not later when feelings got really strong. Put it down to experience and move on with your dignity intact.

@vwman there is no such thing as leagues. That is a very old fashioned view and totally wrong. People like who they like. When I was OLD I had super hot fit younger blokes who wanted to date me. I'm short, fat and middle aged. They seemed to find me sexy and have good conversation. Leagues are bollocks. Just swipe who you like and you'll be surprised who swipes back, trust me.

@richdeniro Please for the love of all that is holy, delete this woman's number and social media, and Let. Her. Go. She is no good for you. You continue to torture yourself with what you wish you'd had with her, and your relationship was never what you thought or wished it was. Stop grieving for a fantasy. I say this because you need to hear it, and its said with kindness. What would your counsellor say? Go and talk to them again about your need to keep the ghost of this woman in your head.

Wow re leagues. Just wow. Never even considered that to be a thing!

Sidge sorry for your loss

vwman I wouldn't consider any man out of my league, and have had some very good looking boyfriends, but online behaviour does not seem the same as offline. Offline I am a nice, reasonably attractive, intelligent woman who can hold a conversation and make people laugh. Online I can't even get a guy to reply to a message. So I think after a couple of months of old I probably would be put off by a guy with good looks, I would probably imagine he has a dozen women after him and would reject me without even looking at my profile.

ceebeegee more sympathy from me. I am disgusted that someone thinks that behaviour is ok.

@ItsAMiracle2015 can't believe he hasn't sorted a date, has he said why?

I'm exactly the same, I like to just see how things go with one and if nothing move on.

Never expected - I refused to message ex with pic of her on my phone. Soon changed photo.
I’m in such a down mood. This whole sun and fantasy family thing. Thinking bank holiday is worse than Christmas. Can’t stop crying. And wondering now if should end it with current iron as should I feel this upset if I’m with him. God where is that bbq bench

@Ceebeegee that is disgusting. I can't believe he's done that.

I'd be tempted to call him on withheld number as that will connect and give him a piece of my mind.

It seems like quite a few of us are fed up with OLD and feeling down this weekend. I ended up polishing off the whole bottle of wine yesterday evening and going to bed really early as I was tired and drunk! Today I will be cutting the grass and putting some plants in pots in the garden. I am not a keen gardener by any means!

I am so fed up today that I have just accepted an offer of a date from a guy on POF who I would never normally meet up with! Let's call him Mr Football Fan. Now I do have a team that I support but I would not have a profile pic of me wearing the team shirt and scarf. Hopefully he will be able to talk about more than his football team as he supports the same team as my F*wit ex!

Just checked my exe's WhatsApp photo and he looks shit in it! That cheered me up a bit.

@vwman why don't you contact the said women rather than waiting for them to contact you? Clearly they are interested so go for it. I don't mind who I swipe on, very attractive or not, if they have a suitably fun profile.

Boy it's hot outside. I have just realised that MrFlakey is Dismissive Avoidant (thanks rich for pointing this one to me before). Have just read a long description of their behaviour in relationships and it's down to a tee and I suspect my behaviour has been pushing him away completely (not blaming me but can see why the chemistry between us wasn't working!).

rich I don't know what to say about your ex. There are so many more fish in the sea - how long has it been now? Can you see that you're feeling better over time?

@CassettesAreCool yes I've been told I have a nice smile

Perhaps the word league was not the right one, but I was getting at thinking that someone would not be interested in you so you don't go for it. It just seems that some on here are just accepting dates, maybe even sleeping with, and trying to create relationships with men who are simply not good enough. Ignoring those who would be better choices but you think will not be interested in you because you think they have the world as their oyster and would never be interested in you. Instead just up your standards, no relationship is better than a crap relationship.

Mini update whilst I catch up on everyone's news/musings.

Met MrCornish last night for date 2. On the advice of several posters and one in particular (you know who you are 😉), we took the dogs for a lovely stroll around a little fishing village, had a bag of chips and held hands which was so sweet, I felt like part of a proper couple. I didn't presume anything as I knew he'd be feeling pressure after last weekend's failure to rise to the occasion episode. He asked if I'd like to go back to his for a drink. I was in 2 minds thinking maybe just leave it a while longer, but agreed to with no expectations of anything happening and just pleased we'd had such a great evening. Got to his and there were flowers and chocolates for me 😳. Suffice to say, I let him take the lead, one thing led to another and can happily confirm that everything is in perfect working order.

Seeing him again on Wednesday. Of course I still have MrPlumber bubbling away in the background but I've no plans on meeting up with him again any time soon. I think I need to give this a proper chance without thinking "what am I missing out on?" with someone else.

So my holiday romance continues...🤞

Aw jesuis that sounds like a truly perfect date. I’m liking the sound of Mr Cornish. Funnily I have been for a walk with the dog I’m sitting for and Mr S today. He is busy with his family over the weekend but came to mine this morning to have a stroll and a smooch in the sun. And he wasnt even put off by the sight of my legs in shorts!!

@JeSuisPrest Completely invested in you and Mr Cornish... if nothing else because it would counter my depressing view that "nice guys don't get the girl" ('girl' is figure of speech)

JeSuisPrest that sounds like such a lovely date. I am so pleased that it worked out well.

DaffoDeffo I just looked up the definition of dismissive avoidant type and it was a perfect description of my abusive ex.

@Bendy @Daffo I know. It was a massive blip and I don't know why I looked, I have made so much progress so I'm looking at it as 20 steps forward and one step back. I stupidly looked out of boredom and curiosity I guess when sitting on the night bus home last night - was just playing on my phone and was in whatsapp and looked in the blocked list and it was right there, I don't know why when you have someone blocked on whatsapp it allows you to view their profile.

Anyway I know what she's like, know how awfully she treated me and that I deserved better than that.

@CocoKoko123 - there are plenty of couples out there who look happy on the surface who I have found are living a quiet life of misery. So @Looupdate there may be a lot fewer of those 'happy couples' than you think!
@Auba14 and @Jesuisprest - both those experiences sound great!

@Sidge - so sorry to hear of your situation with your grandfather. But your domestic situation isn't dissimilar to my new GF, now 3 months in. She has a massive load of caring responsibilities, struggles and complexities which she is dealing with so well that I only started to get my head around a few weeks in, thinking holy mackerel, how do you cope with all of that? The thing that's kept us together is she says I'm the first truly emotionally available person she's met, and I feel the same about her (we've both had more than our fair share of 'therapy' issues to deal with over the years).

Earlier this month I posted here wondering whether I should ask to see her more than once a week - well I did and it set off a reaction in her, which I realise now was due to the stress she was under plus triggering a situation from her past.

We went off this weekend and talked this through - she apologised for how rejected this made me feel, and after the weekend I feel I know her so much better - as there was lots of talking then lots of sex, more talking, more sex, more talking and then more sex which really helped.

It's going to be a load of effort to make this work, and at times I still wonder whether I owe it to myself to go for something less complicated. But having that amazing connection and ability to talk about anything, however uncomfortable, seems to me to be worth far more.

Now going to listen to some music and have a big cry about how happy this has made me feel two years after a miserable marriage that lasted a decade longer than it should have.