Dating thread 155 - Spring lovin'

[supercali77]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Notcool I don't like it at all.

@Chocolate123 That's exactly my thoughts
what rota am I on this week 🙄

@Peanuthedz I do deserve someone's full attention and if he can't give me that then I don't want part of his game.

@wishywashy6 It's not for me, I can't fault his honesty. I did thank him for telling me.

I know people multi date, I'm coming to terms with that. But for me right now, I don't want a man who seems to fully invest his energy in me and then goes hot & cold or is dating other women especially having sex with them. That's a big no for me.

@JeSuisPrest if you are happy with a FWB situation which I don't think you are then stay doing what you are doing. Unfortunately I think you are the one who will get hurt if it continues

@Peanuthedz I'm seeing MrCornish for date 2 tonight 🙈. Personality wise they are chalk and cheese but I find them both very attractive for different reasons.

@lifegoes I wouldn't get involved in that if I were you (personally I probably would if I really fancied him because I'm a twat and it's got disaster written all over it and that seems to be my modus operandi 🤯 ), but from what you've said already it would be a complete headfuck for you.

Ha ha @JeSuisPrest this is where I've been burnt in the past. I've ignored my gut and then got upset when it blew it up in my face.

@lifegoes then you should be honest with him and tell him everything you've just said to us. Neither one is right or wrong in this situation it just sounds like you're looking for different things

Sorry lifegoes that's just going to mess with your head. Have you told him it's a definite no?

Wishy ninjamum I haven't told him yet, I'm waiting to see if he texts today. If he does then I'll explain it's not for me.

Right now, I'm moving on with my life and talking to a few new irons

life jut to echo others - I would not be happy to entertain that -mutidating in the very early (eg messaging,first meeting) stages while you’re trying to ascertain if someone is a match for you is very different imo to what this guy is doing!

jesuis sorry to hear about why your iron is unsuitable - he has valid reasons but it does make me wonder why people sometimes present themselves on line as being available for relationships when they aren’t due to their situation.

With my bf we both have loose ends to tie up but can see that these will have a finite ending and we feel better being together than apart in the meantime, as ultimately are in it for the long haul.

Good for you lifegoes. Some clear boundary defining and being assertive from you. 👍

Well done lifegoes I know you struggled even before the date. It will get easier and you'll feel better for knowing that you're a strong person who can do this.

Thanks all. I feel a sense of relief knowing I've made my choice about him.

You've valued yourself lifegoes and that's got to be a good thing.

@JeSuisPrest If it helps, I'm in a similar position to your plumber, except that I'm in my own flat, not a share. My divorce is all done and financial settlement agreed and signed, but I'm still walking on eggshells with the ex until the house is sold.

But the only reason I'm not getting involved in any new relationship at the moment is my studies. I'm also studying to gain extra qualifications in a different direction, and there is no doubt that I can't manage that and a relationship at the same time. I tried for a little while and my grades nosedived.

So if you're really interested it might be worth your while to wait, play it by ear and see what develops. And anyway, think how much it would cost if you had to get an emergency plumber in, particularly over a bank holiday.

lifegoes at least he was honest so yiu could choose what is right for you

jesuisprest that is hard. Again have to decide what is right for you. One of my fwbs is a bit like this. But I am not in the place for a full on relationship so just enjoy the positives and don't worry about the rest. If you want more, I would keep looking of I were you as he could keep you dangling indefinitely

Think it will take me a while to catch up on everything but just checking in from MrSAS’s house. Arrived yesterday and have spent a lot of time in bed but also went out for a lovely meal last night and are about to go to a park for the afternoon (to get us away from the bedroom

Hope everyone is enjoying the sunshine.

Perfectly stated, wishywashy6

Umm, I was on 3 pages back and thought I was replying to the previous message. Oops, sorry wish...

@jesuisprest

If he is spending an hour a night on the phone and all the other stuff how much more time would he be putting in for a relationship that would affect his studies? IDK, doesn't quite add up for me, I am afraid. Maybe worth asking him how a LTR would be with him... maybe his definition isn't the same as yours.

lifegoes I would not be happy with that level of multi dating. He is already sleeping with two other women and has others waiting in the wings. You are worth more than that.

lifegoes you've made the right decision - he can do what he likes and you are entitled to decide if that's what you want.

JeSuis I continued a 'relationship' which started with a list of reasons why it couldn't work - I ended up with a broken heart 😕 It's fine for a FWB thing, but I think you'll get hurt. And .... an hour on the phone every evening??!

30 excellent.

Seeing Mr BC in three and a half hours ... he's booked a gorgeous restaurant for tomorrow 😍

I’ve been following the past three or four threads without making comment as I feel everyone else is saying pretty much what I wanted to to the posters asking for advice! My relationship is doing extremely well...three months in now. Best thing I ever did was meeting that girl, the spark was instant for me and I’ve never looked back, it still feels like one big dream and I can’t believe my luck!

Anyway lifegoes I wanted to basically write (as I’m sure it was yourself I was talking to on the thread when things with my now girlfriend started) is that you know what your boundaries are and you knew yesterday and the day before you felt uncomfortable about the dating others aspect. Of course, it is a part of OLD but like most here I would assume once you start sleeping together unless specifically stated then it would be exclusive. I don’t think this man is right for you, and he’s right now being give far too much of your headspace. No attention is better than some attention from a fannyrat every single time! Don’t wait for him to message you, you message him and tell him your dating styles are incompatible as he absolutely wants his cake and to eat it and also how to get it. You deserve way better than someone like that! We can all see it, and this is a brilliant support network for when you feel down too.

lifegoes
I appreciate that what he is doing is not the norm but if it works for him then we can't slate it.

The positives I can see are that he was honest at the start, imagine if he hadn't been and you started a relationship and found out later.
The other positive is that you can freely admit that this is not what you want, even if you don't have many irons you don't have to settle for less.

The negative in all this is the phone use - nothing makes me more mad than someone on their phone the whole time, its just plain rudeness.

Personally I am doing what he is doing, I have a handful of guys I see for either sex or for dates and sex and am always upfront about it.
What I never do is use my phone when I'm with them, too be fair I don't check my phone if I am out with friends.
If I do need to check my phone for something I always ask if it is ok and generally only do it once (this only happens if there is a mini family issue going on - very rare)

Thank you @Auba14 I have sent a message saying...

"Thank you for last night I really enjoyed your company. However for me I'm looking for a potential relationship. You are entitled to date who you like. But for me, I don't want to be second/third best. Or always wondering who you are with. Hopefully you find the one"

I decided to take it in my own hands.

@SortingItOut I agree. I have nothing against him personally doing this. He had asked a few days ago about how he's sure I'll be getting lots of Male attention and I never really thought about him doing it as he was always texting.

Jesuis it also affects negatively any other relationship you might have . I was there too , it DID affect me meeting others and then I got my heart broken by him . I subsequently after several months met someone else then guess what ? Yes he wanted back in . My new partner is worth a million of previous.