Dating thread 155 - Spring lovin'

[supercali77]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

lifegoes sounds great. Did you get a kiss?!

MrPlumber just left. So much for our "drinks only" date. That man is my Kryptonite. He was a perfect gent and made no assumptions about what would happen at the end of our evening out. He drove me home and I invited him in for coffee. I fear we have tipped into a FWB plus situation - daily messages, long phone calls, talking about our families, generally knowing what's going on with the other person and it suits him fine, because I have no expectations of him other than we treat each other with respect and honesty, but it's not what I want.

I want a proper relationship and he's just got so much going on he can't give me that at the moment. In 6 months maybe, but not now. The thought of not having him in my life is 😩.

So do I take what he's offering and not see other people, pretending to myself we're in a relationship of sorts or relegate him to the friend zone and start seriously looking for someone who wants a relationship, all the while feeling like I've let someone amazing go? I don't want to do adulting anymore 😭.

@JeSuisPrest what is going on in his life that means he can't do a proper relationship?

JeSuisPrest - I would keep
Your options open

Oh JeSuis sort of the worst thing isn't it, an almost relationship when you're keen. I'd perhaps go with the flow as it may develop organically and may just be ruined by overthinking? But there's always the background worry of 'but I never promised '

@JeSuisPrest isn't that a relationship?

I don't understand the difference!

JeSuis is he seeing other people?

Oh JeSuis this sounds hard. I was in a similar position about four years ago. Was 'seeing ' this guy and it felt like we were in a relationship,he would txt and call daily,drive the 22miles over to see me twice a week,we would have dvd and popcorn nights in with his four girls but he kept saying he didn't want a girlfriend. Wasn't ready.

I didn't know where I was (and because of this,i didn't dtd with him until the ninth date!) but it didn't change anything.

Now he is a good friend,i took him to a football match on boxing day and it's just platonic.

If you can cope with the situation and think his will change...but realise it may not, keep this man in your life. But I can't advise as I couldn't do it

lifegoes sounds like a good date for both of you, hope it went well.
You made a couple of comments about being compared to other women. Again I can only speak for myself but I don't do this, I'm simply comparing them to what I'm looking for and seeing if there is any (cliche alert) chemistry.
I suppose it's possible for comparing to happen, but only if I was lucky enough to find two perfect women, or if I was stupid enough to settle for women that aren't.
Hopefully your date last night has made you feel much more comfortable and confident about OLD and yourself :)

@JeSuisPrest it sounds very similar to a relationship already!

My night with MrFox was great, I asked all my questions and liked the answers!😂
I ended up staying at his. Had such a lovely evening and we even managed to watch the film and order the takeaway this time!

Now I am just going to wait and see if he suggests another date, he knows I am away next weekend so if he wants to see me before he will have to get his arse in gear.

Oh jesuis how tricky. I saw someone for 5 years (yes I’m stupid) who held off from committing but we were definitely in a relationship bar his apparent worries about the future. It turned out he was cheating on me for most of our relationship and stringing someone else along with the same BS. Lots of future faking. It hurt so much and I wish I’d walked away much earlier. What is stopping Mr P from being in a relationship with you. Do you think it could evolve into one or will he be keeping his emotions at a distance?

My current situation is with someone who is still struggling with the guilt of leaving his wife and kids and cautious about getting emotionally involved. But it feels like a full on relationship. We text all day, see each other a few times a week, go out at mine and his, he is emotionally and practically supportive. And we have great sex. I just hope I’m not making the same mistake. It certainly feels different this time. 🤞

Is he seeing other people? Could you handle it if he was or if he wanted to?

Good luck for today's date @kerkyra!
30something so glad you got the answers you needed!
jesuis you're describing a relationship - is he afraid of the label?
lifegoes hope you got a kiss!

I'm seeing Mr NVQ at 6 and in dying my roots have managing to dye my face too, naturally..... Thank god I've got all day to try and get it off.
Another iron has also appeared - must be the sunshine - I shall call him Mr Carer. He seems eager.

Thanks all for your messages. I did get a kiss and he wants to see me tomorrow.

There is an issue I have, I was right he is seeing other women. He openly told me and said he's dating about 4 others. He's had sex with 2. I didn't know how to react so said that's entirely up to him he owes me nothing (words I learnt from here 😂)

But I really don't like that, if he's sleeping with others and still dating and actively looking for others. That doesn't sit well with me.

He's living in a house share which he hates

His father is very ill and he needs to spend a lot of time with him.

He's paying thousands to put himself through a course to further his career and doesn't want any distractions from that.

He's trying sell a jointly owned property with a very uncooperative ex who is still living there and refuses to drop the selling price meaning he is stuck in his flat share.

A couple of other things which would be too outing.

All of the above will be resolved with time but this one won't- he says he can't handle another broken heart.

He says he needs to be in a place where he can give it 100% from the start, and he's just not. I can't fault his honesty.

He knows I'm seeing other people. He is not, and he doesn't want to. He asked me last night if I was happy not to "label" us and just let it be what it is. I said, yes, for the moment. Then sensible part of me says no man wants a woman he has feelings for seeing other people, but he is adamant that he cares more about my feelings than his and if he can't commit at the moment, that shouldn't stop me from finding someone who can. Maybe that's because I can't imagine being that selfless 🤷‍♀️

@kerkyra That sounds the exact situation I had with MrAbs for 4 months and I think I may be sleepwalking into something similar.

@WarIsPeace You've hit the nail on the head - it's the "but I never promised" uncertainty of it a few months down the line.

@putastrawunderbaby I'm glad I'm not the only one who dyes my face. And the bathroom. And my body.

Everyone will come out in the sunshine.

I had a lovely day out yesterday with mr Unsuitable, wandering around in the sunshine. It's so long since I've had someone put their arm round me/offer to carry my bags/buy me ice cream. It's so weird. My marriage must have been so bad. I can't get my head round someone being nice/affectionate. That said he becomes more Unsuitable daily. He has some very strange views on stuff but as he comes from a very patriarchal culture I'm forgiving him. A British male wouldn't get away with half of it.

@lifegoes no I wouldn't be happy with that. That's a step more than multi-dating, it's a harem. If you're happy to also have a stable of men then it'll work....

@Peanuthedz I'm really not ok with it all. My gut screamed this was an issue on Thursday just didn't expect it to be so bad. It also threw doubt into who he was texting whilst with me.

Oh lifegoes not sure is like that. Isn’t he still seeing 4 women and sleeping with 2. Is he expecting you to join his rotation? Did he give you any idea of what he’s looking for?

Oh jesuis that sounds hard. It sounds like he is being honest but what he said about needing to give it 100% from the start would bother me. So what does he see you as? Not sure what I would do in this situation. When Mr S said about slowing things down to me I walked away. But we both hated not seeing each other and started up again.

@JeSuisPrest so he's not saying let's not label it and see where it goes? But that he definitely cannot have a relationship. Even though you are?

I know I'd end up immersed in a non relationship with him but I'm totally heart led. Someone more sensible will suggest something more sensible,

What happened to mr Cornish? I thought he was relationship material?

@lifegoes I know most do the multiple dates at the start but 4 others and sex with 2. Abs he's probably still swiping too. That would be a no from me I'm afraid. Also the checking the phone would drive me crazy. Probably organising more dates

@lifegoes I think you will end up an insecure mess and it will affect your future dating if you see him again. You deserve someone's full attention. Get swiping.

@lifegoes he's been honest with you so all you can do is decide how you want to move forward with that information. If you're not happy with it that's perfectly understandable and a justified reason to not take things any further.
If that's the way he wants to date then he's well within his rights to do so but don't put up with it if you're not happy with it.

@JeSuisPrest sounds like a casual relationship I had, film nights, live music events, cinema, meals out, but she was emotionally unavailable, she said every time I commit a man changes and shows his real colours. After 9 months I had to say lets see whether we can make this work or I'm going to have to end it as someone (me) is going to get hurt. She cut me off.