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Original poster

Dating thread 155 - Spring lovin'

999 replies

supercali77 · 16/04/2019 05:52

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

OP posts:
CassettesAreCool · 19/04/2019 12:27

lifegoes if I was starting again on OLD I wouldn’t multidate (I didn’t know that’s I was doing until I came on here). I was a kid in a sweetie shop and now feel I have treated some lovely people very badly, by being overexcited, trying to protect myself and not thinking about them as people. Also, it has had a long-term effect: I continue to be in the difficult situation of being involved with two different men, both of whom I like and who like me but neither of whom is in any more of a position to have a LTR than I am. Swiping and chatting and first dating are the easy bits! Just my opinion

CassettesAreCool · 19/04/2019 12:29

MyOld he sounds married, but as he’s on Fab that’s almost a given. You could look on his status as being his problem, not yours, but I doubt that would help

returnofthecat · 19/04/2019 12:39

Hello everyone!

After taking some time out (again), I'm quite irritated to have met my ideal man as I now can never date him... He's cute, he's my age, we have shared values and he has a very plausible reason for why he hasn't settled down already at our age either... Feeling very frustrated!

I had always wondered why some women always insisted on being treated by a female practitioner, now I have the answer. You don't want to run the risk of being treated by a potential iron who you know will never even consider dating you, because, ethics. He's not a doctor, but there's probably a similar code of conduct that makes him The Impossible Dream. Be still, my beating heart.

Anyway, the silver lining of having developed an inappropriate crush is that I'm clearly not dead on the inside and it's time to rejoin the dating game and find someone less inappropriate to lust after.

Hope you're all having a fabulous long weekend and have lots of lovely things planned.

returnofthecat · 19/04/2019 12:42

@CassettesAreCool Multidating is IMHO why dating these days sucks. People have too many choices, they can't decide what they want and just end up floating around and ghosting each other. I honestly think that if we went back to Ye Olden Days of dating someone until one or both of you decided it wasn't working, then tried dating someone else... we'd all be happier and there would be fewer single people out there.

However, I don't think men in London are going to ditch multidating any time soon, and if you can't beat them...

WarIsPeace · 19/04/2019 12:43

I am absolutely hanging today. Wine and bonking allnighter basically. It's on, exclusive etc. Can't think of anything interesting or witty to add, I'm too tired Grin

returnofthecat · 19/04/2019 12:44

@WarIsPeace Grin Grin Grin Go you!

ponyprincess · 19/04/2019 12:46

myold that does sound suspicious.. And yes if he doesn't have you over at his as well

MrDrummer yes why is life not like romcoms?!

For your proflie pic I get that the 'old' one says something about you and that is actually quite nice. I just would not swipe favourably on someone who had that as the first pic. But that just means we are incompatible as others would 😊

ponyprincess · 19/04/2019 12:47

warispeace go you!!!

lifegoes · 19/04/2019 12:50

Thanks everyone for giving their thoughts, so many to reply back to individually.

I've decided to wind myself in and just look at it all as a bit of fun. Someone said I might not like him when we meet and that's a good point. Certain things he's done over the past few days (not just the date) has shown traits in him I don't like. So I'll see how the date goes, but I'm not expecting anything positive.

lifegoes · 19/04/2019 12:52

MyOld that certainly sounds suspicious. I would ask him, if he lies he lies. But he can never say "you didn't ask". Then if he does say he's not. Arrange the date with him at his or around hours you know would be difficult for him.

WarIsPeace · 19/04/2019 12:53

I'm too old for this lark. I really need a kip now but kids are returning imminently Blush

CassettesAreCool · 19/04/2019 13:58

warispeace go you!

The irony, return, is that I had gone back to ye olden day’s, things were going brilliantly with just one guy then he got a diagnosis and it all ground to a halt. I found someone else, v quickly which is where OLD has such an effect, and lo! first guy’s diagnosis proved false (delighted, obviously) and it’s back on, but second guy is a love. This would NEVER have happened in the old days. No idea what to do. Obviously it’s all my fault, but it’s just uncharted territory and I’m lost. Wish I’d never started and just stuck to looking forward to grandchildren

LooUpdate · 19/04/2019 13:59

i tend to go quieter once i have a date in place

Phew. Glad it's not just me. I literally got my arse handed to me on a plate for going quiet before a date. (See update below).

Feeling sad right now. And lonely. Who do you tell the little things to when there's no-one there to share them with?

We are here. We care. Genuinely, because we're all in a very similar emotional space to you.

LooUpdate · 19/04/2019 14:10

Mr BMW is no more.

We had date #1 last Sunday. I really enjoyed it and felt super attracted to him. There were a few red flags but nothing to completely write him off. The red flags were:

  1. Date #1: Didn’t show much interest in me but spoke a lot about himself.
  1. Materialistic? Superficial? Proudly showed me photos of his two-seater BMW convertible. Quite aggressive in defending that choice of car (“People say it’s a mid-life crisis but that’s because they are jealous”)
  1. Often mentioned that I’m “pretty” and “young”.
  1. After first date he said: “I’ve hidden off my profile now, but if you feel the need to oogle me let me know and I’ll un-hide it”.
  1. Living arrangements unclear. Moved in with his son to help pay the rent?

Because of the sexual chemistry I arranged date #2. It was supposed to be tonight, at a comedy club. He booked the tickets. All was well. Then...

He sent me a message at 10am saying "Morning! What time do you want to meet tonight? .....x" I didn't see the message as I was at a friend's house. Then at 11.54 he sends this: "Actually, it doesn't matter, thank you for seeming to take an interest but I'm done, not to come across as needy but when I buy tickets for a night out I'd at least expect a reply... good luck and thanks again..."

And he's blocked me on messenger and POF Confused Confused Confused Confused

MrDrummer · 19/04/2019 14:31

@LooUpdate

I call BS on him. Sounds like a lie to me.

LooUpdate · 19/04/2019 14:32

A lie about what?

Chocolate123 · 19/04/2019 14:34

@LooUpdate dodged a serious bullet there make sure you block him too in case he decides to crawl back out from under that rock

kerkyra · 19/04/2019 14:36

I would say he is very insecure and has probably been messed about with OLD and felt you weren't keen.
Though you did nothing wrong with not responding as quick as he'd like

putastrawunderbaby · 19/04/2019 14:42

LooUpdate thank you for your kindness.

Mr BMW sounds like a bullet dodged - that's an extreme reaction and a bit like a childish tantrum for not showing him enough attention. God forbid you should have a life!

MrDrummer · 19/04/2019 14:43

@LooUpdate

A lie like he decided to take someone else instead, maybe. I just can't see someone throwing away paid-for tickets because you didn't respond within 2 hours. That is unreasonable beyond belief. I feel sorry for the guy. How miserable must life be for him, if it really was as simple as he says.

LooUpdate · 19/04/2019 14:44

dodged a serious bullet there That was my instinct too. He was 13 years older than me, if that makes any difference.

I would say he is very insecure and has probably been messed about with OLD and felt you weren't keen

I'd agree. I also feel insecure and have had similar feelings but I wouldn't let them dictate my behaviour in such a way.

LooUpdate · 19/04/2019 14:50

A lie like he decided to take someone else instead, maybe.

It was me that suggested the comedy club, but perhaps you're right. Either way, my initial list of red flags should have been heeded initially. This dating lark is a learning process.

My initial reaction was to try to add him as a friend on FB so I could explain that I was busy. However if he's like this after ONE date, just imagine how abusive/reactive he could be after several months??

shitwithsugaron · 19/04/2019 15:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LooUpdate · 19/04/2019 15:10

So, are we in agreement that he's unhinged and bullet dodged?

MrDrummer · 19/04/2019 15:16

Apart from the issue at hand, i think it is out of order for him to "get his say" then block you. If you really want to speak to him and at least get some proper closure, happy to message him for you. Pm if you want to do that