Dating thread 155 - Spring lovin'

[supercali77]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Thanks @vwman I don't really have any complaints about him, he really is a lovely man, but I do want to feel more..wanted. Especially after spending a decade with a man that showed no interest in me!
I'm conscious I don't want to play games, but I want to see if he thinks I'm worth pursuing rather than an 'easy' option in terms of effort.

Hello, need some perspective on this please, blimey who got knocked out and ended up in hospital last week has today messaged me saying he has no money, he’s off on a rugby tour next week and his mental health isn’t great, needs to work, can’t motivate himself to do so. Frankly this has put me right off. He drives a bmw and just text me “it’s shit being poor”. Ghosting is just not my style but I don’t see this progressing. I don’t want to be unkind. What would you say ?

lifegoes you can't expect him to stop his life for you if he hasn't met you (and nor should you for him). And don't see it as competing :) , you've got to try before you buy! It's like trying on loads of skirts and seeing which one fits!

I have a very active life too but tbh I would love to have a proper partner. I've been divorced for 8 years and haven't had a LTR in that time (wasn't looking for one till last year when I did OLD for the first time).

Kin once wisely asked me what I wanted from a man and I thought I knew but it turned out when I started dating that I didn't! My life is so busy now I'm not sure my old idea of a relationship fits in with my life now if that makes sense.

puta sorry about your friend x

inliverpool1 I would send a message saying 'thank you for being honest. I'm looking for a relationship and it's clear you're not in the right place for one. I hope things turn out better for you and I wish you luck' and then just leave it

How lovely shit :)

shitwith that sounds great. Wonderful news.

inliverpool1 I agree with DaffoDeffo send him a message saying thank you for being honest and you hope his luck improves. his life sounds too complicated to be dating.

Oh that's fabulous shitwith ! Love the happy updates, it does give hope.....

Thank you for the lovely words of sympathy - such a supportive bunch here.

inliverpool was he trying to put you off or just having a whinge? Either way i think daffodeffo message is a good one.

Yay! shitwith and congrats on the divorce too!! A tall blonde posted about her absolute on a fb group I'm in and I wondered if that was you!!

@shitwithsugaron congrats on your decree absolute! I hear ya re being bittersweet, I felt the same. But glad that Mr Bookworm seems a goodun and it’s going well.

My time on the smitten bench didn’t last long, Mr Mystery is being weird 🙄 no swiping for me but I’ll keep reading as I love hearing what you’re all up to!

@shitwithsugaron So glad you hit it off with him 🤞

@lifegoes Your iron has done nothing wrong imo. You can infer what you like from him saying he was going "out". If it was on a date 🤷‍♀️, you're perfectly at liberty to do the same.

I can understand why you find it difficult, it didn't used to sit well with me when I started, but actually once you get used to it, it's fine. Irons come and go, either just messaging and it fizzles out, a single date and you never see them again, a few dates and one of you decides "nope, not for me", or something longer term if you're lucky. That's before you get into the messy business of FWB.

Don't put all your eggs in one basket would be my advice, otherwise you have nothing else to focus on and it's easy to get a little obsessed with one guy who probably doesn't deserve your attention.

Notcoolmum - honestly don’t know, we all have our problems but.
We went out on Monday because he wanted to buy a jacket for this rugby tour. Got to lunchtime I was starving so we head into Leon, I order my food, he then orders his. I pay because there’s an awkward momentary silence which I hate, didn’t even say thank you.
I’m not looking for another child, so happy to nip this right in the bud .... shame because he seems nice.

Thanks @JeSuisPrest for your comments. It makes sense. I do just find it hard with dating many others ESP as I've been cheated on.

Didn't expect to open up this post to be made to feel so bad about myself.

Sorry I don't like multi dating.

@lifegoes I'm sorry, my intention wasn't to make you feel bad about yourself . I've been cheated on, but you are not in a relationship with someone you've never met and they may feel comfortable with multi dating. I don't know how you will establish with an iron early on that they are multi dating either if that's what your requirements are without sounding a little intense (?) Probably not the right word.

@JeSuisPrest no you didn't make me feel bad at all, it was just the volume of replies as if I'm an awful person doubting him.

It's just something I'll have to get used to. I respect the advice given. I'm still new to OLD and when it feels someone is investing in you and they suddenly go on a date the night before you meet. It just knocked me slightly.

But I'll learn

@shitwithsugaron thank you for understanding. I am just struggling with the idea of multi dating. Perhaps if I push myself to multi date. I'll find it much easier.

That's all I want, someone to want me. He gives the impression he did. That date just made me realise if he is actively looking and still dating. His words were nothing.

Sorry lifegoes I hope I didn't make you feel bad! I suspect we all posted because we were worried about your feelings tbh! When you're new to dating I can totally understand why you would feel that way!

I only did OLD for about 3 months last year and when I started I couldn't believe how disposable it makes you feel. The problem is the next person is only a swipe away and that's so hard to get your head around. Trying not to invest too early is so key but it's also counter intuitive!

I think I need to take a leap and multi date. That way I don't over invest, I don't feel bad about others multi dating and who knows maybe I'll have a better chance of finding someone worth it @DaffoDeffo

@shitwithsugaron 😘

@lifegoes that was one of the hardest parts I found of OLD. At first I couldn't get my head around talking to more than one but as others have said best not to have all your eggs in one basket and definitely don't over invest too soon(easier said than done I know) I think it's harder for guys to focus on one woman especially before they've met them. One guy said to me he felt like a child in a sweet shop with all the choices. Hopefully the right one will come along soon

Read with interest vwman's post and the reactions. I love the idea of over the top romantic gestures to show how much a woman is wanted, but what bothers me is that such actions might be taken as too smothering or over-invested.

How is a bloke to know how something like that will be taken, especially when mutual interest hasn't been entirely established but not ruled out, either?

Interested in the male view of this too...