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Original poster

Dating thread 155 - Spring lovin'

999 replies

supercali77 · 16/04/2019 05:52

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

OP posts:
ponyprincess · 18/04/2019 14:25

daffodeffo exactly.. The deception is the deal breaker not the body necessarily

JeSuisPrest · 18/04/2019 14:33

Re body insecurities, I subscribe to the "if they don't like it fuck 'em" school of thought. I feel great and mostly full of confidence about getting naked - ime guys absolutely love a confident woman and find it a real turn on. Yes, I've got a squidgy pot belly - but I try and play that down in my mind by reinforcing my other qualities - what's the point in worrying about the bits we can't change? I've got a great bum and boobs - hopefully they detract from the bit in the middle Hmm

As far as guys bodies go, again, confidence is key - to be fair I do only tend to go for gym junkies, but they're not immune to feeling self conscious either - they're comparing themselves to guys who are bigger and stronger every day at the gym. I do feel I need to stick up for them a little in that they are not just vacuous neanderthals who have nothing to talk about other than protein shakes and how many reps they've done. MrPlumber and I had a very interesting discussion on Vikings a couple of days ago - instigated by him - I knew nothing about them. He was also visiting a cultural centre on his weekend off whilst away working as well as going to the gym

I do think though that if guys are dating someone around their own age, they don't expect a body of a 21 year old on a 45 year old?

@Kerkyra - I'd be asking for a couple more photos...

The lovely MrCornish has just asked what my favourite chocolate is - I think he's going to get me an Easter egg Grin. I am so looking forward to seeing him again, but this will be the make or break date as I think he's getting the feels and if I'm not then I'll have to let him down nicely. I hope we can still be friends though he is such a great guy.

LooUpdate · 18/04/2019 14:33

there are a few guys who imply / suggest that they want to be contacted and they won't make the first move.

I hate that. Soooo lazy.

I have a third sending me WhatsApps every time I pick up my phone.

Seriously??

she was v wrinkly and had that crepe paper stomach and how repulsive he found it

Wow. Now why do you suppose he was telling that to YOU? Trying to warn you or make you insecure? Narc alert!

would it be rude to ask him to pop some more on?

Not rude no. Go for it.

potato men???

midcenturylegs · 18/04/2019 14:40

Yep... I don't feel uncomfortable within my own skin at the moment, as I've put on a stone in the last year, but I'm not going to post a photo of me from 4 years ago when I was super slim (size 6) for being a bridesmaid at a wedding!
That said, whilst I do have a full-length pic of me on my profile I'm not going to post a recent one of me in a swim-suit or lycra (as one profile reviewer from here suggested!), FFS - I'm 46..

LooUpdate · 18/04/2019 14:40

Another iron bites the dust.

Re: last night's date #3 with Mr Author, I saw it through to the end. We went to the cinema and ended up seeing a film with those moving chairs that squirt water at you, which was fun. Definitely don't fancy him. He tells a lot of jokes and the majority just aren't funny. I have to awkwardly laugh. He is however a friendly and interesting guy. And he seems way more interested in me now (sods law!) I've returned his messages today out of kindness. Don't know how to play this.

The date I had lined up for tonight has ghosted me. Probably because I went quiet for 2 days. Totally fair enough. He was a "practice date" so I don't feel upset.

Do you guys have "practice dates" i.e. dates you arrange knowing that you don't have much in common with the guy, just to practice your dating technique?

Or am I a bitch?

JeSuisPrest · 18/04/2019 14:42

@midcenturylegs "post a recent one of me in a swim-suit or lycra (as one profile reviewer from here suggested!)" Oh yes, I got that recommendation as well...

ponyprincess · 18/04/2019 14:43

JeSuisPriest love the sound of that enjoy your Easter egg!!!

MrDrummer · 18/04/2019 14:45

Actually, I have been corrected... the phrase was "Potato head", but nonetheless it was a still discussion criticising a stereotype based on the way someone looks, as far as I remember.

LooUpdate · 18/04/2019 14:46

What is a potato man???

I've searched but Google says nope.

ponyprincess · 18/04/2019 14:46

looupdate I do go on a first date even if I am not sure as you can't always tell either way via text or even phone. I would call it potentially a friend rather than practice but similar! If someone felt like a definite 'no' O wouldn't.

StarryUnicorn · 18/04/2019 14:47

MrDrummer I wasn't offended, and I am pretty much potato shapedGrin

In context, it seemed to mean something other than body shape, more like football shirt bedecked starchy brained oaf with a case of generalised misogyny. The beer belly is typical but not the defining feature iyswim.

LooUpdate · 18/04/2019 14:48

StarryUnicorn you've got that stereotype down to a tee Grin I always feel MOST OFFENDED when one of those tries to contact me.

lifegoes · 18/04/2019 14:51

All my pictures look like me and I do have a full body picture (in clothes) I've been told I look better in real life than my pictures. BUT BUT!

My worry is still that I may give the picture I'm a thin woman who goes to the gym. I AM. But I have that stomach and I worry men don't Expect it.

ponyprincess · 18/04/2019 14:54

lifegoes I think we all have insecurities and by the time nakedness is revealed even if quickly there is more to it than how flat your tum is.

StealthNinjaMum · 18/04/2019 15:04

looupdate no I think it's wrong to go on a "practice" date. You might not know if there is chemistry and you might hope it will develop but I absolutely would not go on a date just to practice. Just imagine how you'd feel if you went out with someone and you'd travelled to their area to see them (women often expect men to the do the travelling) and you'd paid (some of us like a man to offer) and you were starting to get the feels / fanny gallops when the person just saw you as a practice and had no real interest.

MrDrummer · 18/04/2019 15:05

@StarryUnicorn

In context, it seemed to mean something other than body shape, more like football shirt bedecked starchy brained oaf with a case of generalised misogyny.

But how does one ascertain that someone is like that stereotype? From the picture, or from a conversation?

StarryUnicorn · 18/04/2019 15:05

lifegoes the only thing you should worry about is why you seem to place more importance on somebody else's opinion of you, rather than your opinion of them.

The attractive thing about someone who looks after their body, is that they look after their body, not the end result (perfect or not).

StealthNinjaMum · 18/04/2019 15:08

lifegoes I'm with you. I'm a short woman so my size 8/10 isn't thin as you'd think (but definitely not fat) and I go to the gym, have goodish legs (thigh gap) and am toned everywhere other than my stomach.

But these guys on the thread have told us it doesn't matter. And even my best looking boyfriend had insecurities. I am just going to tell myself it doesn't matter.

StarryUnicorn · 18/04/2019 15:10

MrDrummer conversation highlights it pretty fast, of course, but the pictures on OLD are not randomised, they are the ones selected to say something about you, are they not?

lifegoes · 18/04/2019 15:13

Because I have body issues @StarryUnicorn

You are so right @StealthNinjaMum that's what I've started doing. Fuck em

MrDrummer · 18/04/2019 15:21

@StarryUnicorn If it conversation-based, then fair enough... I was concerned that it was based on looks alone.

JeSuisPrest · 18/04/2019 15:22

@MrDrummer I think I started it when I shared some initial messages I'd received based on making my POF profile public, so it was in response to conversation from men (or rather the manner of a first message), rather than physical features and I didn't use the phrase. Actually I think I've said that I'd rather have a boxers nose and wonky grin than stereotypical good looks.

@StarryUnicorn The attractive thing about someone who looks after their body, is that they look after their body, not the end result (perfect or not). This with bells on.

@nowthefunbegins How are you doing?

StealthNinjaMum · 18/04/2019 15:43

@mrdrummer I didn't know what 'potato head' meant either but assumed it was derogatory. I will think about my language and how I describe people to avoid using stereotypes that might offend or upset people. Sorry if I've said anything bodyshaming.

MrDrummer · 18/04/2019 15:52

On the subject of "reviews", I have had such differing opinion on what makes a good profile, I have kind of given up with it. I think try to represent yourself as best you can and likely to appeal to a person that would appeal to you, avoid a few no-nos (reviews was excellent for that tbf), try to have nicely taken recent pics that won't throw up any surprises on a date.

Most importantly, stay true to yourself.

If that doesn't work, then fuck 'em.

kerkyra · 18/04/2019 16:09

ok,so i got the full length pic! He took a while to get back to me so i thought i may have upset him. Not sure i really really fancy him but if he has the personality i like,then i think i will.

I need a confident man,someone capable,reliable and cheeky.

If he is shy,hesitant and unsure of himself i doubt i will

Meeting sunday :)