Dating thread 155 - Spring lovin'

[supercali77]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

@StealthNinjaMum Doesn't everyone do this in their profiles ? Ask the prospective reader to get in touch (somehow) if they find you interesting ? Doesn't matter if you're a man or woman. It's just a warm invitation to make contact. I get that it's implicit to the whole process but in my case at least that offer is there to say, yes get in touch, I will reply and won't leave you hanging. I'm not exactly inundated so maybe I can afford to say this. It doesn't mean I won't be sending the initial message either.

pony princess I agree it does sound like he wants me to do all the work. But a tiny part of me thinks 'I'm a modern woman, why shouldn't i make the first move?' and 'perhaps he's very shy'. So a very, very small part of me feels like contacting him.

@HairyArsedMan I haven't copied the exact words but there are a few guys who imply / suggest that they want to be contacted and they won't make the first move.

Why does this guy keep looking at my profile and then never do anything? He will probably know I've looked at his profile every time he's looked at mine. If he hadn't put the invitation to message him on I probably would've done - it's had the opposite intention because I'm wondering if he wants lots of women to message him!

That's exactly my concern @StealthNinjaMum men think they have a really toned woman. Whilst I am, my stomach says otherwise 🙈

@MrDrummer It's a shame we live a society where the "perfect" body is everywhere and makes us all doubt our own. Yet the truth is the perfect body is with all its flaws.

I've now decided that if a man is put off by that one thing wrong with me, he's not the man for me.

@StealthNinjaMum Off the top of my head, he may find you attractive (of course he does) but maybe he falls outside one or two of your criteria and thinks he could be wasting his time ? I hate Match for this. He could be new to it and needs a bit of encouragement ? A woman visited my profile frequently and I thought she seemed ok and was maybe shy, so I dropped her a message. She disappeared forevermore (was I blocked?).

I know it was some way back but I couldn't help agreeing with mrvw re the messaging.
It shouldn't be like that, but for the most part it is.

I used to message when I felt like it but noticed the stepping back by them when I did and any that I did kind of pursue would never come to anything.

So now I let them do the messaging and wonder why they're not hearing from ME!
Having said all that I'm currently WhatsApp ing with a guy who it's all very relaxed, but he did do the instigating originally.
I hope to meet him as he's been respectful but suitably cheeky which is my preference.

@lifegoes I agree if a guy is put off by my stomach he's not right for me but I still have a tiny insecurity about it.

@hairyarsedman in terms of my criteria he's pretty much a 90% match. It's like a male me in objective terms but his profile makes me doubt his personality. I am reluctant to message because like you I find people who like me - but do nothing - block me!

@StealthNinjaMum You'll find out pretty quickly if he's the narcissistic sort if you do message and can much better understand the nature of his interest that way.

@HairyArsedMan but I've messaged two other men this week and I have a third sending me WhatsApps every time I pick up my phone. I really want to paint my spare room and don't think I could bear it if 4 men started whatsapping me that'll never happen

Seriously I have nothing to lose. I am going to pop to Wickes now. I am going to do some errands and then maybe message him tomorrow. Thanks. It's not rejection if he doesn't reply, he doesn't even know me. And if is some kind of arse I'll find out.

I once met someone who was wonderful and an absolutely amazing shag, my age at the time (45) and then the next day he told me the story of a woman he had gone out with and they had got into bed and she was v wrinkly and had that crepe paper stomach and how repulsive he found it and he couldn't sleep with her. Little did he know that I was actually like that too (he just hadn't noticed!). When I said most women would probably become that way (I imagine it's a genetic as to when it happens but it happens to us all), he seemed genuinely shocked! I never saw him again.

I do think there is a change between 40 and 50 in both men and women in terms of body shape, skin tone, wrinkles that all of us in that age group probably need to be sensitive to! I'm glad to say most men I've been with haven't cared one bit!

@MrDrummer I'm sure nobody complains because they don't mind. I know there's a lot of chat about abs/6 packs/height etc but most women fancy someone who is funny, sensitive and mature way over physical perfection. You seem to be all those things. We're none of us perfect, all lumpy in different ways. (Presumably-j haven't dated the thread...) If you truly fancy someone you don't care!

Wow so much going on!!!

I am a size 8 and tall. People assume I am a health nut. Actually I just don’t eat enough when stressed and I am a single mum to 2 toddlers divorcing a man who would like to destroy me so have lost a stone I couldn’t afford to lose. I am bony under clothes and have no boobs ☹️ Joined the gym though to start toning and reckon I have piled on half a stone this week since dumping Nick O’Teen. Guess my point is most people are insecure about a bit of their body...but I don’t worry when dtd as am too caught up in it 😁

Mr Local called to confirm our 1st date tonight. We are going to a swanky bar in walking distance of both houses to drink wine in the sun. Tbh I am not blown away by his messages but it gets me out of the house and he seems nice enough

@StealthNinjaMum Actually you've reminded me of a self-sabotaging reason why I may be hesitant to message in the case of someone being local to me. Get this for over-thinking: I consider that they might find the attention unflattering and be embarrassed if we bumped into each other accidentally or socially.

stealth pop to wickes is the best line I've heard all week!!

@HairyArsedMan this might make you worse then but..... there is a local guy who has favourited me.

I walk past him EVERY DAY doing the school run. But I don't think he recognises me because of my pesky shit profile picture!

kerkyra

hairy i have the school dad i had a date with last week,am going to be cringing at the school gate next week.
No sign of mr Marvel.
I am chatting to someone else and he is keen,even saying he is happy to drive the 21 miles to meet me. He has only two head shots,would it be rude to ask him to pop some more on?

kerkyra on no! Cringe.

We shouldn't say these things poor hairyarsedman will be too scared to approach anyone again.

kerkyra I'm always suspicious without a body shot. Sometimes means they are 21 stone (that happened to me once, never made that mistake again!). Weirdly I quite like bigger men but I don't like it when they are trying to deceive you like that! Maybe ask him to send you some more as he might not want to put them on his profile?

I can top with a rejection by a teacher at DS's school. Studied indifference prevails to preserve some dignity. I think that's where it all started.

Ok, I am calling the whole thread out on something. You heard me right. Thank-you to the person who encouraged me to speak up.

I was quite uncomfortable with the whole "potato men" discussion of a couple of weeks ago. It was body shaming, pure and simple.

Haven’t got I end of thread yet but just wondered what 👌◻️ Means?!

Not body shaming, i love a baldy (potato head). The majority of my ex's have been bald

I think people like the body shapes they like and there is a lot more to attraction than only body shape. One of my past fwb's was younger amazing 6-pack etc.. Not the best sex or friend.

One of my current fwb's was complaining as he thought I lost weight and could 'feel my ribs'!