Dating thread 155 - Spring lovin'

[supercali77]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

I'd be interested to hear the men's views too!

@Sunshineandflipflops very true. I need to remind myself of this.

lifegoes I have zero experience on the matter but am happy to offer an opinion (typical man eh?)

Assuming the other person isn't abusing/using you, then their main concern is going to be the aspect of themselves they are least confident about; they have already decided that they like you enough to risk your rejection.

Oh lordy, can't keep up with the thread when I'm working!! Lily good for you, he sounds awful. I once had to repeatedly tell a guy not to lick my face, as I didn't like it You should only have to say that sort of stuff once.

Using old/super flattering/skinny pics on a dating site is false advertising. He knows that. He should feel bad, but he brought it on himself!

Re body confidence, I just try not to think about my icky bits!! I'm galloping towards 60 and have had two children, FFS. Never had any complaints and if anyone did that would be it. None of us are perfect! I had a FWB apologise for his body once (he had a nice dad bod) Don't do that! Confidence is attractive!

lifegoes I'd like the 6 pack of a 22 year old that goes to the gym every day, but I'm 47 and I don't go to the gym :) Do you think blokes aren't self conscious about their physiques the 1st time you get naked together???
You have absolutely nothing to worry about, I certainly am happy with a mum tum, so be confident!

They are I know this, I just wondered if men would notice that and be put off @Ant330

Batshit face licking is vile - add it to the list .

I think most of us have some body confidence issues. I try to get my clothes off quickly and not dwell on what I look like. I am definitely more confident in the bedroom than on the beach in a bikini, which is strange really.

lifegoes I can only speak for myself, but no it definitely wouldn't put me off.

lifegoes I worry about getting my clothes off for the first time too 🤷‍♀️ I've had 3 kids (including twins), multiple operations and am not skinny. I was with my ex over 20 years. I'm curvy and don't think I look too bad in underwear but naked 😯 but unless I'm never going to sleep with anyone again I suppose I just have to suck it up and hope it isn't an issue - if it is then they aren't for me 🤷‍♀️

@lifegoes they are probably thinking I wish she could see herself the way I see her

Awwwww thanks @wishywashy6. You too are super lovely and I've enjoyed sharing your journey onto The Bench and beyond. You always have such a great 'fuck em/fuck off' attitude and seek to raise people up. I totally agree with your comments 're wobbly bits. We all have them and care about them. Men don't seem to care at all once they are in the moment. Good sex is good sex, right?

Rock that confidence, sisters! or fake it til you make it

I found that dimmed lights, underwear that makes you feel sexy, and some Dutch courage always helped with first time encounters.

Thank you everyone for the advice. It's made me feel so much better.

Confidence is definitely the key with you all. I'll just drink a few vodkas and ride it 😂

Well said bendy!

I just read the "How did you know he was a keeper?" Thread. So depressing. I feel really left out and sorry for myself

In 2 hours I have date #3 with a POF bloke I'll call Mr Author. Nice bloke. Not sure if I want to jump his bones though...

looupdate same it’s depressed me no end

lifegoes ride it!!! 😂😂😂

The issue of photos not matching up is an interesting one. My recent date did not match up and most haven't actually, but if they seem decent I can let it go. I may be overcompensating on the personality side of the equation as my ex- was/is very attractive and I wouldn't want anyone to think they are being compared with her, but I suppose that applies to personality too

I think I'd really love a run date (but it's never been suggested by me or them). Usually most dates have been prefaced with a declaration of limiting injuries that rule such a thing out !

The keeper thread. Just frigging shoot me. Put me out my misery. On the plus side. All my freinds are proper keepers

Marboro glad it's not just me :(

looupdate stop yourself from reading it. Or watch Married At First Sight and immediately feel better (if a load of experts can go it so catastrophically wrong, what hope have we got!)

I think good underwear is key for flabby tums. I've lost a lot of weight over the last year and am left with flabby/crepe like skin there. There's nothing I can do (other than surgery and I'm not doing that) but you can get really nice knickers with a high lace waistband that basically keeps all that flab in place. And you are in sex position, if they are on top, they can't see there anyway!

I find a lot of men are incredibly self conscious about their bodies once they are over 45 too - even the confident ones.

It's definitely a good reminder though of how high the bar should be.

I've had 3 dates where the men chronically didn't match up. One was 15, yes FIFTEEN years older. I stayed for all of 15 mins. I actually said are you the older brother of who I'm meant to be meeting errr....

one bloke was at least 2 stones heavier. He said he had been on medication that made him put on weight and his photos weren't recent. I felt sorry for him but really thought it was such a misrepresentation that I couldn't continue!

and another said he was a lot older than he was. He said he was 45 and turned out to be 30 (crafty photo angles). He was very sweet but I really didn't want to go out with someone closer to my dcs' ages than mine!

I don't know why people do it. A lot of men have told me that women don't get older than 49. Apparently getting to 50 as a woman cuts you out of a lot of men's search ranges argh!

It's a nice thread to read, but let's not forget most the other threads are about cheaters/abusive/problem partners.

Definitely agree with super a reminder of how the bar should be set.

I agree with the underwear comments. Get yourself some decent undies that look good but are comfortable as well. Boosts your confidence and helps get over any body worries.

Many of my dates have said I look like my photos and seemed surprised by it. There must be a lot of men and women out there using old photos and/or filters. What's the point? You'll get found out.

Never been on a run date. But I have met quite a few dates while wearing sweaty lycra after a sports session. I do warn them but no one has objected yet!