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Original poster

Private lap dance :(

394 replies

downupdown · 15/04/2019 13:23

Changed name for this post

Dh to be, had his stag weekend. Fun and games during day and meal out/drinking in evening. Ended up at a lap dance club, I suppose no particular issue with this he's never been before and I wouldn't have thought his thing though, but he had the dredded 'private dance'. Paid for by his mates. Went into a private room, she made him lay down and she was fully naked except suspender belt. She straddled him, sat on him, touched his legs and chest and obviously her stripper lady bits and bum were not far from him at all.
I know the details as basically I asked. I am gutted and cannot get the images out of my head. My DH to be feels terrible and said he didn't realise it would be so graphic etc etc.

I sway between feeling ok and trying to shut it out to feeling physically sick. My ex husband had an affair and left me and children so perhaps I am over sensitive.
This is a rant I know :(

OP posts:
AssassinatedBeauty · 15/04/2019 14:58

"He did not deliberately cheat on you."

Of course he deliberately did this. Being unable to say no to your mates is pathetic. If I don't want to do something I don't go along with it, it's not difficult. I loathe this minimising of an adult's behaviour. It wouldn't wash in other circumstances. Would his boss at work be ok with him making a bad decision at work because his mates told him to? I doubt it.

Drogosnextwife · 15/04/2019 14:58

So for his party before he gets married he goes out and has another naked woman rub herself up and down against him?

I would leave my DP if he did that. He obviously has no respect for you, for himself or for women in general.

Happyspud · 15/04/2019 14:58

I’d not be able to forgive this. For many reasons. Disrespect to me and disrespect to women being huge parts of it.

Eustasiavye · 15/04/2019 14:59

It's not about men doing it to each other.
My friends would not disregard my boundaries.
They did it because they knew he would go along with it.
He could have said no at any point.

AssassinatedBeauty · 15/04/2019 14:59

@Handsoffmysweets then her boyfriend is even more of a fool for admitting to more than he actually did. Why on earth would he lie about that?

And others on this thread have said that it happens, so maybe I won't take your word for it.

CampfiresAndBeer · 15/04/2019 15:01

she was fully naked except suspender belt

the dancer would have been wearing a thong. For £40 she would not be performing a nude dance with her ‘vulva’ out!

Well, having worn a thong...

Thisnamechanger · 15/04/2019 15:01

Handsoffmysweets I've had a couple of sub-£40 naked dances and I've only had about 5 private dances in my whole life!

JemSynergy · 15/04/2019 15:01

I'd be really p**sed off and he would know about it. He could have walked out but he didn't. I honesty don't know whether I would marry him, I'd need to do a lot of claiming down first, that's for sure.

Original poster
downupdown · 15/04/2019 15:03

For those that question the Nuditity of the stripper..

Private lap dance :(
OP posts:
TeaForDad · 15/04/2019 15:04

Northernlass is right.
Much as I hate the term, "toxic" masculinity resulted in him letting himself be talked into something which was more intimate than he expected - a stag do "tradition"
He feels bad and won't do it again.

This is IMO a million miles from him cheating. You're both clear on future acceptability now so I'd move on

Original poster
downupdown · 15/04/2019 15:06

There was no thong ffs..Hmm can't even believe I am typing that!

For what it's worth I would find a male stripper at my hen party ridiculous and rank. I would hate it!
I'm not sure male strippers take their customers into a private room and do as below tho....

OP posts:
Original poster
downupdown · 15/04/2019 15:07

Thanks @TeaForDad

OP posts:
Handsoffmysweets · 15/04/2019 15:08

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Handsoffmysweets · 15/04/2019 15:08

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ARDuke · 15/04/2019 15:09

downupdown it might be worth telling him that you feel the only way this can be sorted is if you go and get a male stripper at the weekend. You don't have to go through with it, but tell him you will, and analyze his reaction and behaviour for the rest of the week. If he is grumpy about it then he's a hypocrite but if he accepts that it's perfectly fair enough (if he can do it so can you) then I'd say he's not a bad person deep down and you can probably make it through this.

LumpyPillow · 15/04/2019 15:10

Sorry but anyone also trying to say there are 'strict rules' and xyz would/could 'never happen' are laughable. There are strict rules in any workplace, in hospitals, prisons, etc, rules are frequently broken and people and entire departments/establishments differ from place to place in how they conduct themselves! Some reputable professionals act in depraved, reckless ways, with no concern for legal action, being found out.

Strip clubs and the managers, owners and workers are exactly the same and have free will. I am sure some places do stick to rules, but some don't. No knickers on is entirely possible. This isnt fucking Disney.

Its like saying no, its impossible for that Dr to have sexually assaulted that patient, there are strict rules and ethics in medicine and the hospital! Wrong.

Original poster
downupdown · 15/04/2019 15:11

I gave all sorts of scenarios that would be equivalent! Don't worry.

When you think about it, how fucked up are humans. (Men)
Can I pay you £40 to see you wiggle about and show me your lady bits ? While I lay here?Eegghhh how pathetic

OP posts:
AvengersAssemble · 15/04/2019 15:12

Get a grip folks, he has not cheated. It was his stag night, this is the kind of stunts stags do. No different to woman having strippers on their hen do.

Handsoffmysweets · 15/04/2019 15:12

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Handsoffmysweets · 15/04/2019 15:13

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JaneEyre07 · 15/04/2019 15:13

Who paid for it is irrelevant. He has a voice and the ability to have said "no" but he chose not to.

I wouldn't touch him with a barge pole after that.

How can you still respect him OP?

Lovemusic33 · 15/04/2019 15:14

Every one has different bounderies and I understand that a lot of people would not be happy with their future dh doing this but do you really want it to ruin everything you have? It probably made him feel really awkward and embarrassed, I wouldn’t see it as cheating as he had no feelings for this random woman, he didn’t touch her (pretty sure no touching is allowed). I think I would just draw a line under it and carry on. He knows it’s upset you and it’s unlikely to happen again.

Original poster
downupdown · 15/04/2019 15:15

Yes @Handsoffmysweets perhaps it's really that simple!! Personally would rather keep the £40 and buy some new shoes or .. I don't know, set fire to it Hmm

OP posts:
Handsoffmysweets · 15/04/2019 15:17

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loobyloo1234 · 15/04/2019 15:17

Ive also been to a 'strip' club in London where the women got EVERYTHING out - I could practically see what they had for dinner Blush

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