Private lap dance :(

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Changed name for this post

Dh to be, had his stag weekend. Fun and games during day and meal out/drinking in evening. Ended up at a lap dance club, I suppose no particular issue with this he's never been before and I wouldn't have thought his thing though, but he had the dredded 'private dance'. Paid for by his mates. Went into a private room, she made him lay down and she was fully naked except suspender belt. She straddled him, sat on him, touched his legs and chest and obviously her stripper lady bits and bum were not far from him at all.
I know the details as basically I asked. I am gutted and cannot get the images out of my head. My DH to be feels terrible and said he didn't realise it would be so graphic etc etc.

I sway between feeling ok and trying to shut it out to feeling physically sick. My ex husband had an affair and left me and children so perhaps I am over sensitive.
This is a rant I know :(

rubbed her vulva on him

Yes, yes, how many more times do we have to read this ffs

Yes, yes, how many more times do we have to read this

Oh look, the thread police. Telling people what they can and can’t post.

I don't think anyone was suggesting that peer pressure doesn't exist for adults.

A few posts have inferred exactly that....by asking if he's a teenager to go along with it because of peer pressure.

Peer pressure quite often has a knock on effect...because it's not usually in reference to something positive.

You don't hear ppl say...due to peer pressure he went to university and subsequently got a brilliant job.

No, they are pointing out that it is unimpressive, child like and disappointing for an adult without any cognitive impairments or similar to go along with something they really don't want to do. As a result it may change how you see someone who you previously thought was more capable than that. That's what people are implying.

And as it happens I think a lot of teenagers go to university as it's just what happens next after a levels and all their mates are going! Not that it is relevant to this thread.

No, they are pointing out that it is unimpressive, child like and disappointing for an adult without any cognitive impairments or similar to go along with something they really don't want to do

You see this behaviour all the freaking time in adults. ALL the time.

There are many types of person.

Those of the opinion that visiting a strip club is just high jinx and nothing to be concerned with.

Those who believe it’s grimy and sleazy, but forgivable.

Those who see it as a form of cheating and not easily forgiven.

Those who view it as exploitation and beyond forgiveness.

It doesn’t matter what category of people we fit into. This is very personal and all that matters is where you fit in.
Do what you have to do and know that you can always change your mind xx

Yep, it's a disappointment, HarryElephante that it happens so often and that other people are prepared to accept it as an excuse.

It's not an excuse, nor is it childlike. It's just human behaviour.

It is a human behaviour. It's not at all universal nor something to shrug your shoulders about and accept as inevitable, fgs.

But it is inevitable behaviour in people . You may be this strong willed and independent person willing to put their above the parapet and stand alone from the crowd. But the vast majority are not like that at all. The evidence is all around you.

head above the parapet.

His friends sound awful - they basically bullied him into a situation where he might lose his future wife

It's not inevitable. I wouldn't accept it as an excuse from children let alone adults. It's not some bizarre and unusual concept, having some personal responsibility. People won't develop any unless challenged about it, of course.

People do shit things. Doesn't mean shit things are ok!

Of course people caving to peer pressure is inevitable. It's all around you. Fashion is the obvious example, but there are plenty of others. What phone do you use? What car do you drive? What suburb do you live? It's all around you. You maybe immune to it. But most are not.

That's not peer pressure.

Harry that is ridiculous. Peer pressure is not inevitable. Where does allowing people to abdicate personal responsibility end?

The marketing folk have you just where they want you.

That's directed at AssassinatedBeauty

That's not peer pressure....

Herland being prone to cave to peer pressure does not abdicate you of anything. Let alone personal responsibility.

If your friends stopped buying iPhones, I'd wager you'd drop yours at the first available opportunity, AB.

But, nah, not peer pressure. Just personal choice, right?

OP

I hope you have had enough time to digest what has happened and come to terms with it.

And decided that actually you deserve a bit more fucking respect from your husband to be, and that him lying there while a naked dancer turns him on with her fanny in his face is not actually respectful to you in any way shape or form.

You deserve better. Everyone does actually

In another thread a Dad accidentally put his porn on his seven year old daughters phone and she she's seen it. Lots of people are asking why the kid has a phone and blaming the mam for it happening saying her friends having phones doesn't mean her child should be allowed one.

It seems peer pressure and wanting to be like friends isn't acceptable it means dad can't save graphic porn on a phone he lets a child play on and on a phone which content he put on a kids phone. And the mother shouldn't bow to pressure to fit in

But peer pressure is allowed and a valid excuse for a man not being able to decline a naked woman straddling and dry humping him and women should understand why men can't decline private lap dances and should be excused because his friends did it.

Well, that post makes little sense.

Agree with PPs in that it's for you to decide if it's a dealbreaker for you, OP.

I've been in this situation: ex-DH went to strip club and had a lap dance on his stag night. I knew beforehand what he'd be doing. It didn't bother me and is not related to why he is an ex.;)

Hope you figure things out.