Private lap dance :(

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Changed name for this post

Dh to be, had his stag weekend. Fun and games during day and meal out/drinking in evening. Ended up at a lap dance club, I suppose no particular issue with this he's never been before and I wouldn't have thought his thing though, but he had the dredded 'private dance'. Paid for by his mates. Went into a private room, she made him lay down and she was fully naked except suspender belt. She straddled him, sat on him, touched his legs and chest and obviously her stripper lady bits and bum were not far from him at all.
I know the details as basically I asked. I am gutted and cannot get the images out of my head. My DH to be feels terrible and said he didn't realise it would be so graphic etc etc.

I sway between feeling ok and trying to shut it out to feeling physically sick. My ex husband had an affair and left me and children so perhaps I am over sensitive.
This is a rant I know :(

Who the fuck started all this anyway?

Hey, I'm marrying the love of my life. I need a 'last night of freedom' where I get off my tits and go to a strip club where I can objectify women and get a private dance with one.

Why???

It's not a jealousy thing. It’s how men view women. As objects. As wank material.

And yes, hen parties are trying to catch up, equality and all, but the deep rooted objectifying of women in strip clubs and in porn filters through into everyday life and how women are treated.

I hope one day in the not too distant future we'll look back and laugh 'remember when men used to go to strip clubs on their stag do's?!' Yes, how fucking backwards.

*@w0man
*
But peer pressure is allowed and a valid excuse for a man not being able to decline a naked woman straddling and dry humping him and women should understand why men can't decline private lap dances and should be excused because his friends did it.

Wtf is this actually saying, are you actually saying men can't avoid peer pressure? If you are, you need to keep off the ducking glue! This is actually demeaning to grown men, as a woman if someone told be I was unable to decide on an action myself and I was that fucking thick I'd be a sheep I would be telling the, straight I was able to make my own decisions!

Blaming your mates is something I don't allow my eight year old to do

Glad I am married to a man who at least has the gumption to take responsibility for the terrible, terrible things he gets up to.

Look at the positives. He told you, it was a stag do. There is a lot of trust in that. I don't think it's setting precedent to the future of using hookers, I don't think it's great, but seems a bit much to throw away a marriage over if he is a good man?
If you went into the room, drunk, is it easier to say "look, I'm not interested, let's just sit here and wait the song" (followed by slightly awkward silence). How is she going to react? How will the management react?
Or just lay down and get it over with?
Strip Clubs are slightly intimidating environments and personally, I'd rather go with the program, then try and rail against it.

Oh god, the excuses for the man on this thread are cringe worthy.

What would he have done if you met a guy in a bar, stripped off and given him a lap dance for a few quid? Would he be giving you a second chance? Would you be getting married?

He went through with it because he wanted to.

My husband went on a stag and they all went to a strip club. When my husband walked through the front door only a few hours after going out, I was shocked and asked why he was home so early? He said they’d all gone to a strip club. He made the decision to leave. To come home. That’s honesty.

ALovingSpirit - I genuinely don't know where to start with your post!

The level of passive acceptance of whatever happens to you, the apathetic refusal to challenge it - really?!

@ALovingSpirit I'm with you. It's not a great situation by any means but, it's could be a lot worse!

Could be a lot worse! How? Oh he didn't insert his penis anywhere so that's fine?

I wonder if OPs htb would think the same if she was gyrating her naked body in front of a random stranger to get him hard?

Would he think...oh it could be a lot worse, she could be sucking his cock.

I guess people have different levels of what they will tolerate in a relationship - I could not marry a man who would not stand up to his mates and show me a modicum of respect.

And his mates could all fuck off too

This thread has been picked up by the Irish media op and will be the topic on an Irish radio station phone in tonight on the Niall boylan show which starts tonight at nine!

Almost crashed my car when I heard it!

Did anyone listen to show?

Wtf is this actually saying, are you actually saying men can't avoid peer pressure? If you are, you need to keep off the ducking glue!

No no no not at all.
Was comparing how on another thread a woman is being flamed for following peer pressure and the following that peer pressure in getting a child a phone to be like her friend resulted in the Dads putting the porn on the phone and it's her fault not his A's because she an adult she can say say no to peer pressure and teach her dd the same.

Yet on here a lot of people seem to be an adult isn't capable of saying no to peer pressure and end up being unable to decline private lap dances and speak for himself.

Two women being told two very different things about peer pressure to absolve the man, whose behaviour in getting his sexual kicks has hurt someone he loves.

I think this man is fully responsible for his own actions and his friends egging him on isn't an excuse. Both men on both threads fucked up and it's nobodies fault but their on.

I'm on some strong pain meds and at the time of writing this and the other post it made perfect sense on my head 😀. I'll return to this thread when I've stopped them and brain isn't so fuggy.

I absolutely do not think men cant avoid peer pressure and say no to friends. They can and this man would have if he wanted to.

Strip Clubs are slightly intimidating environments and personally, I'd rather go with the program, then try and rail against it.

If it's so intimidating, I don't know why so many men would go. Are people really trying to say that men put themselves in this situation because the peer pressure is sooo strong and they're completely unable to say no. Not attractive at all and I wouldn't want to marry that type of man.

I think most of the replies here are rather disingenuous and come from the standpoint “strip clubs are bad so he is bad” which is not what the OP questioned.

To be clear on my position, I wouldn’t have an issue but I am very much a liberal. On the other hand if I decided I wanted to go and watch the Chippendale and decided I wanted a backstage dance I wouldn’t be expecting any complaints from DP either.

Different strokes, for different folks.

It's not illiberal to think that strip clubs are damaging to society.

It's funny I never equated being liberal with condoning the sexual exploitation of women. Maybe I'm doing liberal wrong.

My daughter had a similar experience and very nearly ended the relationship because of it. However, her OH was pretty much trapped into it by his arse of a best man and was paralysed by surprise and confusion. Glad to say she married him - he had been totally honest with her and was really upset at himself for not standing up and dumping the dancer on the floor but he is naturally polite and I guess just so surprised. They have been happily married for 7 years and he is clearly absolutely besotted with her and has been very supportive. So think carefully before throwing something that may be really worthwhile away over one stupid bad action

And he told the best man that she wasn't a patch on me, body wise eleugh thats horrible. Straight out comparing you. And what if she did have a better body? What then? would he always just think back to the day hot stripper rubbed her vag on him. Disgusting.

The private room in a strip club is for things that can't be done outside.

Are you sure it's only what he says? It's just it's usually a sexual act that takes place, not that this isn't bad enough, but I wouldn't take that as gospel.

I think it's disgusting behaviour. He could have said no and walked out at any time. Comparing your body to hers, even favourably, says a lot about him too.

Nobody can tell you what to do though.

It is different for everyone, OP. i just hate that for many, many women we are supposed to just put up with it, to 'calm down its just...' there's no discussion about it, or very little.

This is part of the problem we have in society now with the whole #metoo thing. The expectations for men have been so, so low, that we just say 'oh well, it's just them having a bit of fun' when it's paying for the objectification of women.
Everyone's standards for men have been so low it's ridiculous. And we continue to pay the price for it. We all need to raise our standards.