Is that a red flag? Should I be worried?

[Crazygirl2019]

Hello. Apologies for such a late message but I can’t sleep - too many things on my mind.
I have been with my boyfriend for 16 months now and we have been living together for the last 4 months. The thing is that I haven’t met anybody from his side. He hasn’t introduced me to his parents nor friends.
When asked, he says that he likes to keep it private and I never actually get to hear a good explanation or a reason.
Should I just leave it as I don’t want to be seen as the one who is forcing the issue? On the other hand, it does worry me. Is a sign of a lack of commitment on his side?
What do you think I should do?
Many thanks in advance for your advice.

I should have read to the end before commenting 🤦 he sounds like a prick! Your well rid

@Vegasprincess89 you just saved me a job of telling you to RTFT

@SparklyMagpie im really new to this 😂😂 can't easily go to the end of the threats on my app for some reason 🤔 but lesson learnt lol

Easy mistake to make

Hi everybody. Well , bags packed. He will pick up his stuff tomorrow . He contacted me saying that he will organise dinner with his friends and that I shouldn’t be forcing him to introduce me to people in the first place but he will introduce me to his friends etc . Also, if he leaves, nobody will put up with my teenage children and the way they behave etc
I am not interested . After everything that was said yesterday...

I will get through this somehow but at least no more headache regarding this crap.
Lesson learnt (or so I hope)!
I won’t be so trusting, naive, compromising and soft next time.

I wouldn't have taken a relationship beyond the 6 month point without meeting his family and close friends certainly wouldn't have moved in!

Have you even met his kids? Then I read not - HUGE red flag!

Also given how little you know about him you cannot possibly know he's not married, has a history of dv or financial irregularity...or even something like paedophilia or rape in his history!

"I know that he had a few failed relationship in the past (the last relationship ended up in a very acrimonious way)" actually you ONLY know what he's told you

You've not only exposed yourself and made yourself vulnerable but also your kids (their being adult age is irrelevant you've made a huge decision that affects them with very little information about this man!)

"I did google him and again couldn’t find anything fishy" he could have changed his name it's not difficult.

Works mainly from home - not in itself suss but with everything else it's concerning

"I’ve found his ex/kids on Facebook and whatever he said seems to be true." How do you know these really are his ex/kids? He could have given you someone else's family details

In your position I'd be moving him out at least until you know much more about him.

"I know that the relationship is still relatively new but he introduced his ex partner to his parents after 8 months" no this is JUST what he's told you, you don't know it's fact

How the FUCK is it your fault? That's bollocks!

Good you're getting rid.

Out of curiosity I'd be doing an image search based on a pic of his rather than using whatever name he's given you.

Wow. He thinks slagging off your dc is the way to get back in your good books? Bloody hell. He's an idiot. And 'forcing' him into what is a normal adult activity with partner and friends?! Double bloody hell!

Graphista,
You are absolutely right! Everything I know about him is what HE told me. I had no validation from anybody else. I know it was stupid of me just to trust so much.

I have seen his passport and driving license - at least the name is real.

Thingsdogetbetter, I think in his eyes, he is not slagging my children off - he is pointing out to me that nobody else will want me or will want to be with because my kids can very challenging.

Well, I’d rather struggle and be on my own

I think he is also changing the subject so that the focus is taken off his actions.

Tell him, when he leaves, not if, that you hope no one else will put up with him being a prick. That there is hope for your challenging kids, but he's a certified, fully fledged adult arsehole. But that, ultimately, you couldn't give a shit as he is no longer of any concern to you.

I shouldn’t be forcing him to introduce me to people in the first place but he will introduce me to his friends etc . Also, if he leaves, nobody will put up with my teenage children and the way they behave etc

There speaks a man afraid of doing his own shopping, cooking, cleaning, washing and ironing

Obviously you and yours are sooooo awful it's been a hardship for him to put up with you - but just remember you have done him a huge kindness by setting him free

OP you & your children are worth 10 of him. Don’t ever put up with some no mark slagging off your dcs. Good riddence to bad rubbish. It’s an old expression but very appropriate in this case.

I just can’t get my head around the fact that a man who seemed so nice and caring and loving turned into such an asshole! How is it possible?? Honestly, it’s like two different people. It’s the side of him that I never saw!

No, it was one person pretending to be something he wasn't.

I'd have driven to his home city and nosed around. But I like playing detective.
OP you are better off without him. You dodged a bullet!

Honestly, it’s like two different people. It’s the side of him that I never saw!

Until you witness the Jekyll and Hyde it is hard to believe that it happens. He is the same man but previously you had never made demands on him - these demands triggered the mask to fall off.

He would have continued to be "nice" had you complied with all his needs. Now you know why he has limited contact with his DC, they probably had normal expectations of a Dad but I bet everything is on his terms. With his children he probably expected complete obedience so your DC will appear wild in comparison.

It is essential you go No contact as you risk being hoovered, especially once he realises the home comforts he has lost. Also be prepared for him to try to move on to someone new. It is very typical of this type of man. He will also portray you as unstable and unreasonable but given you have no shared friends it is unlikely to impact you.

You are being so strong and resolute op, really hope others find you inspirational in refusing to be taken for a mug. After he has picked up his crap block his number and please change your locks. Laughable that he thinks you will suffer without him, he is fucking delusional.

lifebegins50, I think you hit the nail in its head! Everything is on his terms. He did expect complete obedience from my kids which is difficult - they are teenagers. I was surprised at how little contact he had with them. His excuse was that they were adults. I am an adult and I still message/call my parents regularly.

Ruddygreattiger2016, thank you but I am not so sure about “strong”. I wouldn’t have been in this situation I’d i was but thank you. Your support and comments give me strength so thank you.

How are your boys? How do they feel about him moving out?

He did the classic thing as well OP - when you called him on it, he did the oh shit let me dump her and leave - then offer to organise a dinner so you can meet his friends (at last).

Two words spring to mind.

'Fuck' and 'off'.

You're well shot - and how vile (predictably vile) that he tries to give you the fear by saying oh well no one else will want you with teenage children. Fucking wanker. No one wants you buddy. You've handled this very well. He sounds like he was a dick with them - I bet they'll actually be relieved.

Of course, it’s not easy to be a single parent, do absolutely everything on your own, work full time and run the house but lots of people have to do that. I am quite self sufficient and i would like to have someone to share life with but not like that.