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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is that a red flag? Should I be worried?

246 replies

Crazygirl2019 · 12/04/2019 01:51

Hello. Apologies for such a late message but I can’t sleep - too many things on my mind.
I have been with my boyfriend for 16 months now and we have been living together for the last 4 months. The thing is that I haven’t met anybody from his side. He hasn’t introduced me to his parents nor friends.
When asked, he says that he likes to keep it private and I never actually get to hear a good explanation or a reason.
Should I just leave it as I don’t want to be seen as the one who is forcing the issue? On the other hand, it does worry me. Is a sign of a lack of commitment on his side?
What do you think I should do?
Many thanks in advance for your advice.

OP posts:
Original poster
Crazygirl2019 · 12/04/2019 21:11

Yes I’ve seen photos of his family - that’s as far as it went.

OP posts:
Original poster
Crazygirl2019 · 12/04/2019 21:13

He also said that I was only thinking about my own feelings and what I want and I wasn’t even considering his feelings regarding him introducing me to his family. Have I thought how he would feel if he introduced me to them?? No! I am such a selfish bitch!

OP posts:
Original poster
Crazygirl2019 · 12/04/2019 21:14

I do apologise for ranting - just terribly upset x

OP posts:
SparklyMagpie · 12/04/2019 21:14

Make sure you get your key back when he comes to pick up his stuff off the door step and then block all contact, I can imagine it won't be the last you'll hear from him that easily

SparklyMagpie · 12/04/2019 21:15

Don't you dare apologise for ranting OP !!

Get it ALL out!

Be thankful! You've got this x

Original poster
Crazygirl2019 · 12/04/2019 21:15

Thank you. I do appreciate all the advice and support x

OP posts:
Original poster
Crazygirl2019 · 12/04/2019 21:18

I don’t care who he blames and what he says/thinks as long as he leaves me alone. I will give him all his stuff back but I have a feeling he will trying to make amends.

OP posts:
Ruddygreattiger2016 · 12/04/2019 21:19

Rant away op, but there is no point trying to make sense of anything he hurled at you in spite. He was talking absolute bollocks hoping to make you stfu. Thank god you saw right through him!

MaybeitsMaybelline · 12/04/2019 21:24

Omg, I think he was at real danger of being found out, whatever he is hiding was going to be discovered and the easiest solution for him was to end it and blame you.

Have you got a roll of bin liners? Rain isn’t expected tonight, I would have a late one filling those bags and leaving them outside.

exparrot · 12/04/2019 21:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

exparrot · 12/04/2019 21:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RiversDisguise · 12/04/2019 21:30

What did your kids think of him?

You are well rid

MsDogLady · 12/04/2019 21:32

Well, well. What a despicable manipulator. Shifting the blame to you and your children. Speaking to you like you are mud on his shoe.

Be prepared for him to try to slither back into your good graces.

lifebegins50 · 12/04/2019 21:35

All of his accusations are projections, he is selfish and a taker.

I think you have been taken in by a very manipulative man. It happens to kind, trusting and slightly naive women, don't berate yourself, take it as a learning experience and you will be wiser.

Original poster
Crazygirl2019 · 12/04/2019 21:35

I will certainly pack his stuff but I feel absolutely drained tonight - both physically and emotionally.

OP posts:
Princess1066 · 12/04/2019 21:37

So sorry OP - please be very careful of him now - you really have no idea what he is capable of - do you have a friend who could stay over with you?

Original poster
Crazygirl2019 · 12/04/2019 21:38

Thank you. You are all very kind x

OP posts:
Original poster
Crazygirl2019 · 12/04/2019 21:39

Princess1066, I will be ok tonight. I will just lock the doors.

OP posts:
Original poster
Crazygirl2019 · 12/04/2019 21:41

exparrot, thank you for looking it up. I will do that. I wonder how long it will take. I just want all the answers now!! x

OP posts:
Original poster
Crazygirl2019 · 12/04/2019 21:42

I will definitely be wiser next time, lifebegins50. If there is next time of course.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 12/04/2019 21:45

Kick this out op. Don't let him back in, he's lying to you and hiding something. You know that. It's beyond abnormal. And he's trying ro make you think it's your fault.

What is it they say? The best form of defence is attack. He's attacking you to defend the indefendable. Everyone introduces their partner to their friends and family when they are at your stage, in fact long before. The fact he won't, and would rather end it, than let them know about you, tells you he's having you over. Somethings very very wrong here.

Sashkin · 12/04/2019 21:47

Have I thought how he would feel if he introduced me to them?? No! I am such a selfish bitch!

Um, I guess at least he is making this decision easy for you OP! Christ what an asshole.

RhubarbTea · 12/04/2019 21:49

Agree, his reaction is awful and so wrong, I am concerned he's going to calm down and try and wheedle his way back in so stay strong OP.

RoseOfSharyn · 12/04/2019 21:51

Change your locks too OP. It's really very simple to do yourself if you have UPVC doors, literally 1 screw to change the barrel.

Sounds like you've had a lucky escape.

pack his stuff up and let him know you'll meet him in a public place to hand it all over (think local pub with a car park and cctv type scenario.) don't engage. Just hand his bags over and leave.

Original poster
Crazygirl2019 · 12/04/2019 21:53

RhubarbTea, I have the same feeling but once it’s over it’s over for me. I don’t want to go through this emotional pain again and as they say, a leopard doesn’t change its spots ...

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