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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is that a red flag? Should I be worried?

246 replies

Crazygirl2019 · 12/04/2019 01:51

Hello. Apologies for such a late message but I can’t sleep - too many things on my mind.
I have been with my boyfriend for 16 months now and we have been living together for the last 4 months. The thing is that I haven’t met anybody from his side. He hasn’t introduced me to his parents nor friends.
When asked, he says that he likes to keep it private and I never actually get to hear a good explanation or a reason.
Should I just leave it as I don’t want to be seen as the one who is forcing the issue? On the other hand, it does worry me. Is a sign of a lack of commitment on his side?
What do you think I should do?
Many thanks in advance for your advice.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 12/04/2019 20:35

WTAF, you don't actually believe this man has kept you a secret because of your kids or whatever do you?

So isn't it now a bigger question? Why is he still lying to you? Why's he trying to blame you? Why is he happy to live with you and pretend you don't exist?

Seriously, tell him to fuck off out of it, to pack his bags and go. Whatever he's hiding from you, it's absolutely certain that if you knew, you'd end it, that's why he's gaslighting you.

peanut2017 · 12/04/2019 20:36

What a fucking dickhead. Total waste of space and complete nonsense that he hasn't introduced him to anyone in his side because of your children?

What do your children think of him?

SparklyMagpie · 12/04/2019 20:37

Oh an that's another thing, if your children have been SO much of a massive problem hes excluding you from his family, then why is he staying around and living with you all?

Makes fuck all sense and I hope you know that

Original poster
Crazygirl2019 · 12/04/2019 20:39

SparklyMagpie, I did ask him that!! Because he LOVES me!

OP posts:
Original poster
Crazygirl2019 · 12/04/2019 20:42

I don’t believe the bullshit he told me. True colours has finally been shown! Of course, it’s very upsetting and I am trying very hard not to cry in front of my children but he is NOT going to be in the relationship with me anymore.

OP posts:
SparklyMagpie · 12/04/2019 20:42

Enough to slag you and your children off and happy for you to have absolutely zero involvement in his life

Please don't tell us you'll accept this shit. I'm even more angry now your children have to put up with him

He's made it crystal clear what he thinks of you all. I couldn't even look at him and he'd be out on his lonely sad arsed arse

Ruddygreattiger2016 · 12/04/2019 20:43

Open your eyes, op. He loves what you do for him, how cushy you make life for him but as soon as you start asking awkward questions he makes it crystal clear he is a pretty nasty bastard. Really hope you find some balls and kick him out, he actively dislikes your kids ffs!

Original poster
Crazygirl2019 · 12/04/2019 20:44

Another big excuse was that he is a very private person. Nothing new there!

OP posts:
OldAndWornOut · 12/04/2019 20:44

I still think he is hiding something.
His idea is that attack is the best form of defence.
Now the blame has been shifted onto you, the focus is off him and his weird behaviour.

SparklyMagpie · 12/04/2019 20:44

Best decision you'll EVER make in regards to him OP !!

You do not deserve this treatment or your children

I also agree with a PP, think it may have been Bluntness100 but correct me if I'm wrong, hes gaslighting you because he knows you'd be off if you knew the real reason

Sounds dodgy as fuck !!

Keep your chin up OP, it'll be worth it x

Ruddygreattiger2016 · 12/04/2019 20:45

Crossposted, sorry op, just saw you are ending it. Don't expose you or your children to this creep for another day, kudos to youFlowers

Bluntness100 · 12/04/2019 20:47

He loves you so much he won't introduce you to his friends or family and will attack and insult you and your kids.

Yeah, that's love op. That's love in the seventh circle of hell.

Original poster
Crazygirl2019 · 12/04/2019 20:47

Ruddygreattiger2016, he said to me that apparently he gives and gives but I am the taker. He doesn’t get anything in return. I just can’t believe how nasty things turned out to be once I really meant business.

OP posts:
whathaveiforgottentoday · 12/04/2019 20:48

So sorry he is such an arse. I would be running for the hills away from this man.
Even if he has nothing to hide, he is damn rude.

Ruddygreattiger2016 · 12/04/2019 20:48

Agree with pp, there is something in his history he is not going to tell you so feels perfectly fine to lash out and blame you and your kids. This guy is all kinds of fucked up.

SparklyMagpie · 12/04/2019 20:48

Yeah he gives and gives absolute utter shit

Weirdo ! Who does he think he is ?! But then again who bloody knows?!

LordNibbler · 12/04/2019 20:50

I really hope you've told him to pack his bags and hit the road. He's a wrong un.

Ruddygreattiger2016 · 12/04/2019 20:52

In all seriousness op, I would recommend getting him out tonight purely for you and your kids safety. Please get a friend around to back you up. He can pick up his crap another day.

IncrediblySadToo · 12/04/2019 20:54

more inclined to co-operate

I hope you’ve thrown him out. If your kids are SO diabolical he won’t jntriduce YOU to his friends and family, what’s he doing LIVING with you? Other than being a cocklodger?!.

Original poster
Crazygirl2019 · 12/04/2019 20:56

He is not here. He couldn’t stand it to be here tonight (poor thing!) - too stressful!

OP posts:
Original poster
Crazygirl2019 · 12/04/2019 20:57

So it looks like I dont have to kick him out - he “dumped” me! So crazy!

OP posts:
Original poster
Crazygirl2019 · 12/04/2019 20:59

I can’t believe that I posted on mumsnet last night asking for advice and today the shit hit the fan. Life can be so funny!

OP posts:
Ruddygreattiger2016 · 12/04/2019 21:02

Thank god he's gone. Leave the key in the lock so he cannot get back in in the middle of the night. Tomorrow a text telling him his stuff will be outside on a certain day, then change your locks.

His reaction to your questions was totally ott, god knows what he is really hiding. Stay safe, op.

lifebegins50 · 12/04/2019 21:03

Wow, classic toxic response, blame you and your children..nasty man. I hope he will go quietly.

You never know someone until you enforce your boundaries or ask for something important to you. How they react tells you everything you need to know. I bet you will see a completely different person.

ColdCrumpetsandButter · 12/04/2019 21:07

I've not RTFT sorry.

Have you seen photos of his parents/siblings?

I think it's a bit odd now you're living together unless he is NC with them for some reason?