Dating thread 154 - in which beards are encouraged.

[Crustaceans]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Link to previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3543468-dating-thread-152-onwards-and-upwards

Sorted! Off on coffee date now, will report in on website and date later! 😁

Good luck @matchedandmuddled!

Have a good date @Matchedandmuddled!

Good luck @matched - report back later!

How does everyone keep the resilience to keep trying?

I’ve had 6 weeks with someone I met off tinder, we agreed to be exclusive and have been having a lovely time. It hasn’t worked out and I can’t think of anything worse than starting all over again with someone new. But I do want to meet someone.

Words of encouragement or a boot up the arse appreciated

@MIA12 Probably sounds sappy as anything but I love Pintrest and have set up a board with "inspirational" moving on/this is for the best quotes/memes for times when I'm feeling a bit low. Normally enough to get me out of a funk, get my heels and lippy back on and start revenge swiping. Sorry to hear your news

mia12 I might have a different answer to this when I've been doing it for years but since my stbexh left I've focused on doing things that make me happy and because I feel I've got good emotional foundations I see dating as an icing on the cake activity so when someone upsets me I know I've got kids who love me, a nice home, good friends, a wine fridge, my health, new hobbies and I can move on. In a year I'll be a miserable and bitter old woman

Thanks JeSuis

I like a good motivational quote so will give that a go. I’ve made new profiles on tinder and bumble but just don’t have the enthusiasm for meeting someone else. Don’t know whether I should force myself to go on dates as a distraction and I may well enjoy them once I’m there. Hard when you’re just thinking about someone else though.

@MIA12 Sorry to hear that, I went through similar last year. Met a guy online who was very keen, moved fairly quickly and then he decided it wasn't what he wanted after 6 weeks. I took a couple of weeks out then got back into OLD and met someone else (which lasted 5 weeks and then then he went back to his wife...).

Any ending of a relationship, no matter how short is hard on the emotions and ego but how quickly you 'get back out there' is completely up to you and if you need a few weeks/months out then that's perfectly fine too!

After the second short fling I took a few months off as I was feeling quite negative about it all and that's not an attractive trait for anyone. Then I went back on and am dating someone else at the moment.

mia12 can you do something like a meet up group rather than a date as a distraction? I went on a few and enjoyed meeting new people (women even!) without any expectations or pressures to meet a man.

That’s a good outlook Stealth and definitely agree that dating is the icing on the cake of a good life rather than the end all and be all.

I’m late twenties and would like a family so slightly feeling the pressure to get back out there and meet someone else. I think without that pressure I’d be taking a break from dating now.

@MIA12 I found just pushing through the swiping helped, my heart wasn't in it and often I was talking to men thinking 'but you aren't him'
Awful as it sounds, I did get a little ego boost from talking to the men as it reminded me I am worthy of more than him and there are men out there who want me.

It took time, but it did help and Reading quotes. Plus trying to focus on myself for a bit helped. 😘

mia12 sorry you feel that pressure, as I have kids I don't have that so I can be a bit more relaxed. There are guys like richdeniro around in the same position with the same aspirations but I don't really know how you find them but I do think being positive and remembering you are the prize will help.... but I also know it's hard to remain positive all the time.

Sunshine that’s similar to my experience. Except with me things moved quickly with him setting the pace so I feel a bit misled that he’s now saying it’s all a bit much for him. I was staying over twice a week (always at his invitation), speaking on the phone daily etc so it’s left a big gap even though it’s only been a few weeks. Ironically I initially said I’d like to take things slowly but he seemed keen to move faster and I went with it.

Glad that you managed to get back on and have found someone to date now.

Stealth That sounds like a good plan, I’m not sure how many meet up groups there would be local to me as I’m quite rural but I’ll have a look. Thank you.

Thanks lifegoes and that’s pretty much what I’m doing now. Swiping but my heart definitely isn’t in it. I’ll carry on if it worked for you and hope that I get more interested in time. I still want to meet someone so need to make the effort to make that happen.

Thanks Stealth it is hard to stay positive sometimes.

Subject to childcare arrangements I'll be seeing MrCornish again on Saturday night and very much looking forward to it, whether things happen or not. He's just lovely 😊.

@MIA12 Yes, it was the guy who moved things fast the first time with me too. It seems some men (and I'm sure women) want to rush things at 100 mph then get bored when there's nothing to build up to.

All relationships are going to get to a place of 'settled' after while and if you rush things, that happens sooner rather than later.

That’s so true Sunshine

He split up with me last weekend too but a few hours later he came back cap in hand and said he’d made a mistake and we patched it up. Only to end it again this weekend. I don’t think he really knows what he wants.

Has anyone heard of or tried this dating site? Just seen it mentioned on another forum and apparently is aimed at single parents: www.datingafterkids.com

Oh Jesuis is the smitten bench calling?!

Hmmm.. have seen that one before, didn't like it. Quality of men not great if I'm honest! Too many profile pics with fags in mouths.. lots of people in their 60s and 70s which is obviously fine but to me that kind of defies the object of it being a dating site for parents whose kids have flown the nest..?! Or is that just me.
I did try one called Kids No Object ages ago - literally 10 years ago. That was a bit odd too.

MIA12 I have also been dumped after an intense romance last year, although we lasted nearly 4 months. Apparently he couldn't give me what I wanted (although couldn't articulate what he thought that was!). It was really upsetting but I concentrated on doing nice things for myself and I didn't get straight back into dating - I gave it a while. I have now ended up in another OLD relationship where things seem to have moved quite quickly, again driven by the guy. I do wonder whether they do it as they don't want us dating other men, so try to make it appear serious very quickly in order to 'seal the deal', while they decide whether they really like us.

Sorry if that sounds cynical but I'm beginning to feel like I am too trusting. For example, Mr Outdoors, my current OLD iron, has been saying all the right things about wanting to have an LTR with me, but his location changes on Tinder when he goes to work, so I know that he is still swiping! In fact I have just sent him a message asking if we are exclusive, as we didn't have the chat at the weekend and I want to know where I stand. Especially as we dtd and I don't want to be sleeping with him if he is still looking for other women.

@LilyRose88 I may be wrong and maybe you could google this but I think tinder can be set to change location without opening the app. It flashes up as a choice when you set up I think. But check!

@LilyRose88 I am in a similar situation with MrSAS. We are now sleeping together and he tells me he is not sleeping with anyone else but I have no idea if he is still using Tinder without asking him and I don't want to do that as it seems a bit controlling after 4 weeks!
I haven't used Tinder since we met (apart from to hide my profile) as I can only concentrate on dating one guy at a time but he has more freedom than me as his kids are older so I do wonder if he is still looking when I'm with my kids.
I am quite mistrustful after my ex h had an affair though and I don't want what happened to affect this or other relationships in the future.

Peanut I did google it and it says that the app only updates if someone opens it. However, he has just texted me to say that he has not been looking or speaking to anyone else since he first started talking to me. So maybe it can auto update. Who knows.....

I think my previous experience has made me a bit cynical and I am trying to protect myself as I got quite badly hurt by the guy that dumped me after 4 months.