Dating thread 154 - in which beards are encouraged.

[Crustaceans]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Link to previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3543468-dating-thread-152-onwards-and-upwards

So possibly a slightly controversial topic but it's crossed my mind today...
When I go on any male dominated forum that discusses dating and divorces, all I see is posts from men talking about how they've been fleeced in a divorce and their exes are living a life of luxury in the family 5 bed house and they're left in a bedsit

What I want to know is where are all these women, because I haven't spoken to or met one yet?!?!
In all seriousness I'm not looking for that, my seperation/divorce is so far very amicable and I do just fine.
But all I hear is blokes bitching about how they've been shafted, are all these supposedly wealthy women on different dating sites???
It's perhaps a topic for a different thread so feel free to ignore but this is the only one I use on MN.

@Ant330 I agree with you to the extent that I say on my profile that I am looking for someone with kids.

For me it's because of the reasons you gave but also because I am too old now to have more kids and don't want to deny a guy the chance of having kids.

However..... one of my really good male friends in my 20s married a woman who already had 2 kids and didn't want any more and they're happily married and he's an amazing stepfather to them. I sometimes wonder if I shouldn't drop that criteria just to open the dating pool up.

@StealthNinjaMum I guess I'm also evaluating the amount of interest PoF holds for me and I've read a fair few local profiles on there and not been swayed. Anyway it's free, so give it a whirl, you never know.

Ant.
I friend through a hobby was a divorce lawyer
His very broad view.

1. No money in the family the woman gets fucked
2. Some money both get fucked but more likely the woman
3. Lots of money, unless jointly made, the one who had/made gets fucked.

So i guess very few have it all.
My divorce was amicable. Asset wise we were similar so it was pretty much 50/50.

Ant my exh would probably spout that kind of bollocks. He would only have been happy if I'd ended up living on gruel in a falling-down shed. I avoid those kind of men 😂

My only success with OLD (based on relationships - or even just several dates with the same person 😂) has come from POF. With OKC coming second and, randomly, Fab 😂 I looked at Match and saw a lot of the same faces. Buggered if I'm paying for that!

@Ant330 totally makes sense what you're saying regarding kids. Especially as I have mine almost all the time, I would need to date someone who could understand that I cant just drop everything.

Also regarding 'men getting fleeced' in a divorce, I'm sure my ex tells a similar tale, the reality is things are being split fairly, not quite 50/50 as he doesn't have our child much. But telling a tale about what a witch I am distracts from the fact that he was the one who fucked up & cheated. But that's just my experience, I can only dream of an amicable split unfortunately

@ponyprincess

I think so. certainly from her point of view, there was zero investment. I just didn't recognise it. Some very strange things happened. I think I have done a lot of re-evaluation about what those terms are since reading the thread. Starting to think my last two relationships were exclusive FWB... starting to think my marriage was too!

@Ant330 Hard to know that those complaints represent the typical case. Women that I've dated and chatted to did not want their ex- to be ruined because they didn't want their kids to have to spend their time in a rubbish environment, and they were mostly independent despite dealing with most of the childcare. A couple of the women I've met are still dealing with the kids at least 80% of the time and are facing a situation in which the ex is part of another family so facing a fairly frustrating time of it.

I'm not naive though and have heard of the courts being used to enact revenge through the finanvial settlement. I've seen someone resist that and end up with a jail sentence! In my situation I've made some sacrifices and remortgaged to ensure my DS is able to live in a decent area. No complaints here at all, by the way.

Hairy agreed, it was more an interested comment on what I read and here (which could very well be exaggerated fiction) compared to what I've so far encountered IRL.
Like you I wanted to ensure my son lived somewhere nice and wasn't compromised by his parents decision, fortunately my ex felt exactly the same so we will both come out of this ok.
Anyway I'm going to stop talking about this, I probably shouldn't have started in the 1st place!

Back to OLD...
Nice coffee date with MissLucky today, but only nice. She was a bit too nice and sweet for me, and we both admitted that although we enjoyed each others company we didn't have much in common.
Conversation with MissOz today has been back to its fun, flirty, cheeky state that we were in before Sunday. We're going out to get drunk together tomorrow night. So who knows???

Stealth it's an interesting point regarding your friend becoming a stepdad and that with our criteria of only choosing people who have kids we would swipe left.
I suppose for me it's just a case of having a minimum criteria in the knowledge that you might exclude the odd exception from the norm who could be dateable. However I've also realised in a very short space of time that the 'dateables' are quickly whittled down anyway so I'm willing to take the risk.

MrDrummer I understand what you are saying.. I think my marriage was too!!

The men being fleeced.. Maybe some are. I am sure me ex would say he was as I retained the house. He kept all his 15 million worth company- I just wanted the stable place for the dc.

First date tomorrow with Mr. Coffee.who I just started chatting with today.. Taking advantage of child free weekend!

@Ant330 after my conversation with @HairyArsedMan I went back onto Match tonight and I looked at about the last 100 men who had looked at my profile. All Match shows is their photo, age and location. I don't think any of them were in an area close enough to my house for me to consider going out with them. There were about 3 in a nearby city that might be a possibility. One of those was a very good looking 38 year old so younger than me. I clicked on his profile and he was single, living with a roommate and looking for a woman who's 30 to 40. Why would he even bother to look at my profile when I'm above his age range? Maybe he's not fussed about kids. Some men aren't.

At this stage I am still going to exclude men without kids from any searches I do but if things don't go well with Mr Enthusiastic (who has uncharacteristically not sent me 3 texts tonight so I wonder if he's dating someone else) I might think about men without kids after all my friend is the loveliest man I know and it would be really sad if his wife had decided 20 years ago that she didn't want him because he didn't have kids.

I've just got in from my date with Mr Far.
We are 'going out' in old money. Very nice evening. Going to hang around though while things settle

warls I love the fact you are going out together 🙌

@WarIsPeace 😍 Going out - yay!!!

@ponyprincess Well done - I love a quickly arranged date.

MrCornish is 39 and doesn't have kids which is why I'd never swiped him previously. I have an 8 yr old and no intention or having more (I'm 43). We had a very long conversation about this when I was trying to put him off me (we live 40 minutes apart, I have a child, he may want children, he's adamant he doesn't- his nieces and nephews are enough). But yes, my general rule is to only swipe right on men with children. He's been my only exception so far.

Good morning, thankfully overnight I received 4 matches on Tinder, super lovely looking blokes so I am surprisingly pleased. Now, I only joined tinder he stay, are there unspoken rules? In other words don't message too soon? I have been googling best open lines, say hello, of course, then ask a question relevant their profile. The one I really like, I will call Mr Brief has nothing written apart from age and km away from me....I have asked him what makes his weekend special? Too cheesy? Too late to change!!!

Jesuis, Mr Cornish sounds great! Trust your gut!

Pony, loving the conversation one day and date the next day, don't like the hanging around.

Warls, have many dates have you had with Mr Far, plus can I ask how you met? Thank you.

Mr Mill and I chatted on Thursday and meeting Monday - lots of quite awkward WA chats....the flow never starts.....

Joined Tinder yesterday - bloody typos!

warispeace that sounds great with Mr Far!!

matchedand muddled has the texting always been that way with Mr Mills? Some people are just not good texters, but are great irl-hope he is one of those!

I've just seen the most direct tinder profile!!

"Looking for an open relationship
Yes I am married
No I don't want fat women
Yes I do love myself and so will you"

Brilliant news @WarIsPeace

That's great WarIs. And brilliantly fast work pony.

life I suppose he's honest at least ...!

3 and a half hours til I see Mr BC again. Not that I'm counting or anything

Ooh lifegoes I like that, might give it a try minus the married bit! Expect me back for an update in a few months after I've slept my way through the guaranteed deluge of likes and matches.
What a muppet, I hope he looks like Ryan Reynolds otherwise he's going to be sadly disappointed!! Either that or I'm doing this very wrong!

Well I was due to get new pics taken by a friend this weekend but am just not in the mood

Am living vicariously through said friend who is super active on various sites. She has offered to set me up with her cast offs that might suit (ones she hasn’t slept with )

Am seriously considering it - they’ve been pre vetted!!