Dating thread 154 - in which beards are encouraged.

[Crustaceans]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Link to previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3543468-dating-thread-152-onwards-and-upwards

@lifegoes Stop trying so hard. If he messages you message him back- when you're ready. If he drops out of a conversation unexpectedly don't initiate contact- its rude - he should just say "got some stuff to get in with, chat later". You are overinvesting. Have you got any other irons to distract you?

So no dates for me. Mr Golf would like to meet if I meet half way. He lives in the sticks so I would be driving out 20 mins and I cannot be bothered.
Gym then Chinese and gin for me ☹️☹️☹️
I picked the wrong day to stop smoking!!

I've just gone back on there to start looking. I'm totally over investing because of the way he draws me in.

I think he's or a date tonight, said he was going out later. (I'm just assuming it's a date) but would explain his coldness today

lifegoes have a happy swipey Friday evening. He's a waste of time!

I really do love you all on here. I don't know how I'd cope with OLD without you all.

Thank you xxx

So just noticed Mr Guitarist has updated his Tinder profile. And here's me waiting until we can meet before chatting to others, and he's updated his profile. Ahh I know I'm overthinking being crazy but it's made me a bit sad 🤷.

ItsAMiracle it is so frustrating when you find out that they are still on Tinder or another site! I spent yesterday afternoon having angst moments about Mr Outdoors being on Tinder but I think we just have to reel our necks in sadly. Are you meeting him soon?

I knew he was still on tinder as he said he's still been swiping but not actively talking. But to have updated your profile makes me think you're definitely still searching. I know he's not doing anything wrong, but I still feel a bit shit. No idea. He suggested next week sometime but didn't specify a date and I've only got 2 child free nights next week and have already made plans with friends for 1 of them 🤷.

@Passmealargewine rightly or wrongly I don't swipe right or like anybody that doesn't have children. Neither do I on anybody looking to have more children as I'm 47, but I would add it to your profile as it screens out the not suitables early on.

Chatted to MrStone for a bit today. He asked if he could see me again over the weekend. I'm only free tomorrow night and he knows I'm seeing MrCornish. I think he was hoping I was going to sack off MrCornish after our DTD date last night.☹

This is the side of OLD that I hate - I'm basically saying "hey, I'm going to meet this guy in case he's better for me than you, but can you hang around in the background, just in case he's not, and I'll get back to you?" I know it works both ways, and I've had it done to me but it still feels shitty.

I am ridiculously excited about seeing MrCornish - my virtual holiday romance from last weekend in Poldark Country. I'll admit I'm over invested with the idea of him. We have messaged so much, he's interesting, conversation flows so easily, he's 6ft 4, lives on a farm and loves holding hands!! I hope we click 😳🤞 gah!

Gosh, you turn your back and there goes another 1000 posts....

Jesuis. The problem is stones really. His choice to sleep with you when he knew you had another date lined up.

When i’ve been where he is I made my choice based on whether i minded being used as a single use scratching post!

@Ant330

My exgf had no children and it was a real problem because she liked to leave things to the last minute to plan. My DD was quite vulnerable so although she was old enough to look after herself, I tried to time things so that my DD's BF wasn't working when I went out. I guess she just never had to plan things and wasn't used to it. Although I considered it as LTR at the time, I have since concluded it was more like exclusive FWB.

@Howlingatthesun It was his itch that needed scratching, not mine and judging by today's messages he didn't mind...😳

Those of you on Match do you think it’s really the case that lots of people on there don’t pay so can’t see the messages I’ve sent? they’re not really ignoring me Maybe I should go onto pof too but I don’t really want to spend my life on dating apps. I only joined Match because some local women I knew of had tried all the sites and been most successful with Match.

@Man4allseasons I’m very tactile but I’m not sure I’d like my leg touched on a second date. I have had two second dates now and neither touched my leg. One held my hands and got a snog and sniff at the end.

@ant330 Me too. Out of a 20 year relationship. No idea what I’m doing but it’s great this thread exists.

@lovemusic33 I'm newly single, working on myself and generally happy with my life so completely ready for dating and maybe a relationship. I still have photos of stbexh around even though he's moved out - partly because I'm lazy, partly because I don' really notice them, and also because it might be weird for dc to remove them. If you date him you can find out how close he is to her and if she has someone else. I might be more cautious if it turned out she dumped him as she could change her mind,

So hard to keep up with you all!

I am responding to the posts a few days ago about widowers wearing wedding rings. I dated a widower for 2 years-he had been widowed 3 years when we met. He had his wedding ring on when we met and wore it the whole time. It never occurred to me that was a sign he was not ready to move on nor expected him to remove it 'for me'. In my view his wife would always be part of his life in memories and it did not bother me and his actions showed he was not stuck in the past. I can see it could be a sign that some one is not ready to move forwards but I think not automatically so.

If a separated/divorced person were still wearing it....that would be a warning sign!!

@StealthNinjaMum Match has a screening feature for messages. I guess you've seen that at your end ? If someone doesn't want to follow up and explicitly clicks 'No thanks' you get a 'Sorry your invitation to chat was declined. Chin up!' or something like that next to the person in your message list. If they click 'Maybe later' the invitation (i.e. your opening message) sits in limbo.

If they don't pay, you can pay a bit extra so that non-paying members can return your messages (this puts a little crown on your profile, to indicate that you are wealthy beyond belief). Otherwise they get told there are messages! and that is used to sell them a membership.

Thanks @HairyArsedMan yes I completely forgot I have received those awful rejection messages from bastards who had favourited me first usually. In that case I think a couple might be sitting in limbo. I haven't sent any messages for ages as I haven't been on much but I was curious about whether it's possible to keep favouriting, winking at, messaging people who won't pay and will never return to the site. I have signed up for 6 months so wouldn't cancel but just wondering whether it was a waste of money if most of the people on it haven't paid.

Jesuis - that was my point. His choice. You have no need to feel shitty about anything!

MrDrummer what is the line in your view between ltr and long term 'exclusive fwb'? The emotional investment??

@StealthNinjaMum I think if the message you've sent comes up in your message list they are paying members, but I can't be certain of this. My messages are declined generally, which indicates they are members that can access their messages view, and yes it is usually in the same circumstances you describe

Whether it's worth paying or not, I think yes. PoF, while free of charge, produces a tiny fraction of the interest shown on Match. I don't think they (POF) make any attempt to match, and the search function is poor. It's essentially a time cost to me.

I need to scroll back through a few pages to catch up, but I don't swipe right on women with no children because my son is my no. 1 priority and I'm fortunate that I get to see him a lot.
I've seen enough posts on here saying that guys don't understand that you can't drop everything at the last minute to go out and that they don't understand why you all put your kids before a date to know that I'm the same.
I have commitments that I love having and they're not going away for anybody. I don't think people who don't have kids will understand that.

Bugger.

Two days ago I assumed that the guys I was messaging were ignoring me / rejecting me.

Yesterday I had the wonderful feeling that some might just not have paid and that it isn't my ugly face putting them off!!

Now I learn that they probably have paid and are still ignoring me!

It's only a couple of guys but annoying nevertheless.

New profile on Fab today. Loads of messages.
Not a single one has bothered to read my profile. The bit where I say no face pic means no reply. Or that I'm looking for someone local only.
Where are all the decent, literate men??

@HairyArsedMan

Your get less interest on pof than on Match? I couldn't get any less interest than on Match!

(Well that's not strictly true but when you eliminate the guys that are too young / too old, don't have kids and live too far away there's practically none.)