Dating thread 154 - in which beards are encouraged.

[Crustaceans]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Link to previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3543468-dating-thread-152-onwards-and-upwards

Shall I offer myself up for a meet on fab swingers? 😂😂😂

No idea how I have posted that twice! X

Marlboro if you have an itch to scratch, go for it...

@mrdrummer yep text sucks and is open to interpretation I agree. I suppose I’m in the camp of if you are too busy to have a back and forth convo just say so, and I’m also a fan of the saying if I have to go - even my 12 yo had the hang of this it’s just three characters for him “GTG” so it’s not that I’m an oldie (even though I am)

@MyOldBrainStoppedWorking love it.

lifegoes please, please don't message him. If he messages you, then great. If he doesn't, then at least you know. It is shit though. Proper shit. But keep busy tinder swipe. And wait and see 😘

I don’t man4all I just want an evening out and all my friends are busy ☹️ It will be 10 nights before my next child free available evening (and that’s reserved for Mr Big)

@lifegoes

You wouldn't just put the phone down on someone if you were talking on the phone or get up and walk away half way through a coffee with a friend, would you?

Fire and forget messages are a bit different, but if its a flowing conversation when you have each others attention, yeah much prefer a catch you later.

Bad mistake I make around texting is trying to rush a text and realise you didn't really read the message properly or pick up on a nuance, i.e. recognise someone is having a hard day. Typically happens when I am trying to work and message at the time. Bit like now, really!!!

Oops, that was sent to the wrong person. Case in point!!!! @Panamaxforte

I won't miracle I just need to distract myself. Annoying when I can see he's been online.

@MrDrummer exactly. I only text someone when I have time to hold a conversation as like you said, if I don't. I scan the message and not sure what's been said and normally read it wrong.

Yep @mrdrummer it’s a minefield and a mindfield for sure the texting malarkey.

I’m in a different Timezone so off for some zzz’s so I’ll be several pages behind when I next get to read this.

@lifegoes sending you hugs and good thoughts

Peanuthedz he replied "isn't it better to talk than read a profile"

I don't even know where to start with that one!

lifegoes don't text him. He's been flaky and rude to you.
Do something nice for yourself instead

Mr Guitarist can be shite at replying sometimes but when he does reply it's always a 'sorry late reply, I was.... And then a response to my message'. I've gotten used to it so not even phased when he doesn't reply 🤷.

Man4 I wouldn't be bothered by a leg or arm touch, if it's in passing. Not an actual grope 😂 It's definitely a way I gauge if someone is interested in me. Hence me ending it with Mr Sailor after the third date, as he didn't touch me or respond when I kissed him in a lingering sort of way at the end of our third date. It is hard for men though ... I get that!

Life he sounds flaky and irritating - I'd see how the date goes but not stress over his hot/cold act (as that might be what he wants).

I didn't really like Tinder - met Mr Sailor on there, plus the guy who stood me up, the guy who knocked 10 years off his age and the sneer-y condescending guy .... Met Mr BC on Fab 😂 Previous relationship was from POF ....

@Panamaxforte that LTR ended up in counseling and the counselor stated that half his business was because of messaging and his advice was to keep it functional e.g. "reservation"and find other ways to communicate.

I can't remember what it's called but there is a psychological phenomenon that is incredibly important when it comes to second guessing messaging

* People judge their own actions by their circumstances, but they judge other people's actions by whom that person is *

When I first heard that, it absolutely floored me. But then you realise it's absolutely true.

Bat - can I ask the fab websites full name, I looked at the one suggested but not keen on swinging...never tried it so shouldn't knock it but I'm a bit reserved!

@Marlboroandmalbec34 Mr Golf sounds promising for your Friday night! I have had no luck so far for tonight...

Have been reading but not much to add. However, having just done a paper on it, the psychological phenomenon is "attribution". We make assumptions as to the persons reason for behaving a certain way according to how we perceive them. So if we have decided they are a player, a nice guy, a fantasist, a liar, boring etc, we will interpret their messages accordingly. Even if we have evidence to the contrary. I think its why so many of us give extra chances to flaky messagers who seem lovely. Bloody hard not to do tho!!

matched Mr Golf is now trying to sext me ahead of date. Ffs it’s friday afternoon. I am at work!! Think it will be me at home with a bottle of gin!! Bats is referring to fab swingers also. You don’t have to swing it’s just another dating site really but s but more sexually focussed so depends what your looking for.

Matchedandmuddled it's fab swingers. But it's not just for swingers. There are a lot of single people on there just looking for a FWB or similar.
It can be overwhelming. I've just joined ....again and had 25 messages within the first 15mins. Only 1 had actually read my profile.

myold -I think that's normal for women on there. I've been on for weeks, with no interest whatsoever. I'm just lost in the mass of single, better looking, younger, fitter guys...

Just a little question for you all.... after the end of a marriage when do you think a person is ready for another relationship? I’m asking because my date on Sunday hasn’t been single long after being in a long marriage. My marriage broke down 4 years ago and even though I was dating pretty much straight away I don’t think I was ready for a relationship for quite some time (couple of years). This guy seems to want something serious but I’m worried that he may not be over his ex.

I need to find some more irons and arrange dates so I don’t get to carried away with this one, I shall call him Mr No Hair.

Yes Fab is a mad place. Every time you log on so many messages but I think their are some good guys on their too

man4 your not sending rude pics on Fab are you? 😂

He text, but tbh I'm not feeling it anymore. Feel like I'm having a chat with a random person at the bus stop.

Decided to go out tonight instead

So this is awful but Mr Golf who has asked me out tonight...but not confirmed has just sent me an up to date pic..the ones I had seen were all a bit blurry, hats, glasses etc. He is really really not my cup of tea at all. Do I still go?

lifegoes can I come out with you?