Dating thread 154 - in which beards are encouraged.

[Crustaceans]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Link to previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3543468-dating-thread-152-onwards-and-upwards

@MyOldBrainStoppedWorking no he came back and asked for another chance. Arranged a date and been lovely since. But has now gone cold

Have you had a chat on the phone lifegoes? If not,i would suggest it

lifegoes he's a dick, I hope you've blocked him now.
MyOld that's interesting about sitting opposite. My 1st date with MissOz I just sat down next to her in the pub and now I think about it she looked a bit surprised :)
It was fine because we do fancy each other and she's quite tactile so it worked out ok, but I can imagine somebody else being put off thinking I'm too forward.
Handy to know as I'm about to go on a date

@kerkyra yeah we have. I don't know If I'm just reading too much into it. He was just lovely until halfway through a conversation yesterday and then went cold. Something just shifted. I've read my messages back and I can't see what I said wrong. I did text a good luck text which he read. Then I text again at night asking how it went. He got quite sharp with the "Ive just got in" reply.

@Ant330 I haven't, as I'm not sure what's happened. So don't want to overreact

lifegoes I doubt it's you. He's always been a bit like this hasn't he. I reckon look forward to the date, but don't expect a lot from him and look for someone else in the meantime.

Very true @kerkyra

@lifegoes you sound like me - I had a couple of times where he would disappear mid conversation and I’d read back and wonder if I’d offended him.

Google ‘breadcrumbing’ - I came across this term when over analysing everything and it made perfect sense.

Have to echo others - you are the prize and he sounds like a prize twat. At this stage he should be putting his best foot forward trying to impress you.

@lifegoes manners cost nothing - he could’ve texted “sorry, just got in, will text you/speak to you later”

lifegoes fair point, sorry I can be a bit blunt at times.
Although I have to say I do agree with Panamax

@MyOldBrainStoppedWorking I went next to her this time because we ended up pretty close to a loud speaker. Due to recklessly playing drums without ear protection when I was younger, my hearing is a bit trashed, and the woman was quite softly spoken, so I didn't want to not hear her very well. Better location planning in future. I think opposite is my preferred configuration though.

I always sit opposite so we can look at each other while chatting. And I can discreetly try to peer down t shirt neck to check for chest hair. Sitting next to each other is weird. You have to twist round to look at each other.

@lifegoes ah just don't bother. He's already doing your head in and you haven't even met.

@Peanuthedz he did text after and said how it went. I felt like saying, well nobody said you had to reply straight away.

@Ant330 have to agree, he isn't painting himself in glory with his actions.

@Panamaxforte

Text is an awful method of communication in a relationship. They say 90% of communication is non verbal, well imagine you take the verbal out and left with just the words. Are we down to 1% at this point? I think it is human nature for us to fill in the gaps. One of my ex gf hated talking on the phone but was fine face to face. But that meant everything had to be by text when we weren't in each other's company and trying to sort out complex issue was a nightmare. Any kind of disagreement just got worse. We never resolved anything. I must prefer conversations had definite endings, e.g. I am off to bed now, good night.

I think some people have very different styles though and perhaps don't realise that choppy conversations that tail off can really send out an unintentional negative signal.

That's a good point @MrDrummer I prefer an end of text type of situation. I will always say... I'm off out or going to bed, sorry I've been busy etc.

I try and end conversations but if I feel the chat has just drifted along then I often don't reply or end it. However, I wouldn't just disappear mid chat if things were going well.
Difficult to get the balance right sometimes. Especially if it's late at night and I want some sleep.

Just reading the thread.
I've got to admit I'm not a touchy feely sort of person.
So a leg or arm touch on first or second date would make me feel uncomfortable.
Luckily I rarely meet people that are quite touchy-feely. You know the ones that move closer to chat to you.

New match on Tinder.
Him: Hi MyOld
Me: Hi Match

Him: How are you?
Me: Enjoying the sunshine and looking forward to the weekend. How about you?

Him: There's no sun
Me: I have it. How very British we are talking about the weather lol

Him: Oh, so what would you like to talk about then.

I admit I have just walked away from that conversation.

@MyOldBrainStoppedWorking yeah. Pulling teeth.

Also saying that about texting, I wouldn't start a conversation either if I didn't have time to actually have one

I always say I'm going when I'm ending text convo but alit don't. It's just texting style. My ex's didn't even say goodbye on the phone he just hung up. Normally when I was mid sentence

I'm itching to text, but I think that's more looking for reassurance to see if things are ok than anything. 😫😫😫 why is this so hard.

lifegoes I am sorry but he does sound like hard work

myold he sounds a barrel of laughs!

starry I love the hand on the back thing, especially if the guy is tall so I can look up. Think it’s swoony

Re touch. If I fancy someone I love it, if I don’t fancy them and they touch my knee it makes me jump. Hard to gauge I guess.

Update on Friday night date project.
Mr Muscle has his kids
Mr Genuine has a curry night with his mates
Mr Golf has asked if he can take me out but not confirmed up yet

Shall I offer myself up for a meet on fab swingers? 😂😂😂

I've just messaged my match with a long, long, long list of subjects to talk about. Everything from food to spiders.
I ended by saying there was plenty on my profile that he could ask about. And pointed out that he had nothing on his. Asking if that meant he had nothing interesting to say.

I feel an unmatch is about to happen.