Dating thread 154 - in which beards are encouraged.

[Crustaceans]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Link to previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3543468-dating-thread-152-onwards-and-upwards

Man4 at least you didn't give her bum a big squeeze as you left, which is what happened to me a couple of weeks ago on a 1st date with someone I didn't fancy

@Ant - I feel the same, no idea what I'm up to ... 20 years with ex DH who I met at a rugby ball and now trying to find Mr Right - talk about a needle in a haystack!!

Can I just put in a polite reminder that if you are tagging someone with the @ sign please use their full user name or we end up with complaints from users who aren't on this thread being tagged... as you were 😁

Where is @richdeniro ? I think I missed a thread when I was wallowing in self pity. What happened with the girl from the football match??

@lifegoes is this twat head? Has there been any arrangement to meet? Did you bring up his phone dying every day and him not being able to charge it? You are the prize.

Ant Miss Ozz sounds a bit confusing and hard work. Hope it gets better now you have had the chat. And maybe Miss Lucky will turn out to be, well, lucky .

Marlboro hope you find a date for tonight!

Man4 I think touching very much depends on the person and the circumstances. I have been on some dates when I would not have wanted the guy to touch me, but they tend to be the guys I feel no connection with. Mr Much Younger was quite tactile but not creepy and touched my arm and back on our first date. Mr Outdoors probably did the same, but he ended up having to pick me up off the floor and carry me upstairs to a waiting cab on our first date, which kind of broke the ice . We have now progressed to holding hands and full on snogs but we are at date 3. Actually he did ask me on date 2 whether I minded him holding my hand and touching my arm, so maybe it is better in future to tell your date that your are quite tactile, and ask her if she is okay with that.

matched swipe your ass off! Or get on fab. I know it’s supposed to be casual sex but most of the guys on there are also on tinder/ bumble etc. Mr Golf is off fab but is very nice and he said ideally he wants a LTR but is waiting for the right person so Fab doesn’t have to mean serial shaggers 😂

Update:
Mr Irish- coffee tomorrow
Mr Dom- coffee Sunday afternoon

Still waiting to hear from Mr Genuine, Mr Golf and Mr Muscle- how hard is it to get a Friday night date🙈

lilly it's on my profiles.... But, yes, will ask and tell in future.

@ItsAMiracle2015 yes he arranged a date it's all set, he's been amazing since. But yesterday he went a bit off during a conversation and then I text last night to ask how something had gone and he was I've just got in!! Then went on to chat but it was forced. So I left it and heard nothing since.

His phone has not died since

When's the date set for? Life. Definitely don't message him. Wait for him to message. I hate the blowing hot and cold. If you're not bothered, just say something and then I can move on. If you are, act like it 🤷.

@ItsAMiracle2015 next week! Couldn't fault him since it was sorted. But just went cold, I'm definitely not texting him. He knows where I am. His loss

Panamax Matched yep same boat for me, met my ex when I was 24 and now 47.
For me the big reality check is that at the moment I only know how to do committed relationship, so I admitted this morning that it's just as much my fault that emotionally it's got too serious too fast.
Need to take a step backwards and try again.
I decided I need the distraction of another date which probably doesn't sound fair, but I'm looking forward to today's date.
LilyRose hard work? I don't know, I'm conscious I may be over analysing due to my own insecurities from how my marriage has ended and probably the barriers I've instinctively put up. But the controlling comments have set off a load of warning signals!

@Marlboroandmalbec34 - I think I swiped too many lefts on Tinde ,shouldn't have been so picky so none left! Good work on the two dates, keep updating on tonight....will check out fab

Thanks jesuis, had no idea about @ thing I was just copying everyone else!

Ant It sounded like she was hard work because of the controlling things and the fact that you had to have a conversation with her about the messages she was sending. I always think that the start of a relationship should feel like fun and be light hearted, or intense and sexy if that is the way it is going. So Mr Much Younger and I were definitely in the first camp and Mr Outdoors and I are definitely in the second camp. We did have a short conversation about whether we were being too intense too early (as in he asked me if he was making me feel uncomfortable) but we both agreed that it felt right.

@Man4allseasons

I am the opposite, but I last date I had, we sat next to each other and there was taps on the shoulder and arm through-out the evening from both sides, although strangely she didn't really turn to me when we were normally talking. Still got blown out with the "I am not in the right place, let's be friends" next day though (having agreed to see each other again on the night). Normally, I sit opposite, which makes it pretty impossible to be that touchy feelly, surely?

I am normally very respectful of boundaries, but then I think it gives off the wrong vibe of being unapproachable. I am terrified of making a woman uncomfortable. I would be pretty mortified if I found out that I had made a woman uncomfortable.

@Ant330

tl;dr I haven't got a clue doing

Me neither... think it goes for everybody, really.

@Marlboroandmalbec34 - which fab? There are fab love ... fab dating and more! Thank you!

Matched I think the site is Fab Swingers.

LilyRose "intense and sexy" is where I thought we were at last week, Sunday night dinner and cuddling up on the sofa seemed to turn us into committed couple overnight, bloody wierd and I don't get it!
But yes the controlling thing may mean she is hard work, but I'll give her the benfit of the doubt for now.
MrDrummer I'm glad it's not just me and I'm among people I can be honest with!

Ant are you my village man??! 47 and just out of a 20+ marriage.
That was interesting to read . I know he likes me,has kissed me both nights we met last week but he also said after 24 years,he needs fun. He hasn't had sex for about ten years he said,let alone kiss someone (wife was having affair and didn't want to know).
I know I need to let this one go.
Shame as I know he likes me :(

Ant330 that sounds like mixed messages if you were at intense and sexy and she then felt you were a committed couple, but different people move at different paces. So I feel as though Mr Outdoors and I are going towards the route of committed couple and it feels right, but neither of us are controlling of the other. He went out with friends last night and sent me a few flirty texts and pictures of cocktails and I am off with my friends tonight and will probably send him a few flirty texts. But it still feels like it has a light hearted vibe. Although I did get a bit insecure yesterday when I realised that he was still looking at Tinder. Luckily I posted on here and got reminded that it was early days and I am of course still looking myself . I certainly didn't send him any controlling texts.

I'm missing swiping
No interest in looking for another iron I'm just a bit bored.
Any chaps want a profile review? Or should I just go do some housework to while away the hours til tonight's date

@Ant330

Because I have done a ton of work on myself regarding counselling and self-help, I might come across like I have my shit together. Doesn't take much to throw that out of the window and for me to revert to type, though. The demons never go away.

Man4 I am moderately touch averse, and am acutely aware that other people will probably find that weird, so would never say anything if someone is quite 'touchy', I would just avoid them in future. If I am not mentally prepared for it then unexpected touch will usually make me flinch, and most people pick up on that, some definitely don't though.

Having said that, I say just be yourself, but be watchful for a reaction or lack of reciprocity, and ask at that point. Virtually no-one will say 'back off' if asked, you will have to guage from enthusiasm of reply.

I do know that I am fine with touchy people if I think there is some degree of acknowledgement, however if I don't like them for some other reason then the touching is weapons grade annoying.
My comments are based on the assumption of 'conversational touch' which is what I think you mean rather than anything more overt.

An open question to the thread on the theme of touching, do women not find the hand in the small of the back thing rather condescending?

Kerkyra no that's not me lol

Man4allseasons having seen your profile I know that we share a similar sporting hobby. Which often involves physical contact with another person.
I wonder if that is one reason why you are tactile. Because it's something that you're used to doing.

MrDrummer I always try and sit opposite on a 1st date. Otherwise I find it hard to read someone's body language. Plus I don't want them getting too close until I've decided whether or not I like them.

lifegoes is this still the same bloke? The one who's phone kept switching off and couldn't seem to arrange a date? I thought you'd got rid of him.

WarIsPeace could you just come and do my housework for me?? I think my profile is doomed to being ignored forever.