Dating thread 154 - in which beards are encouraged.

[Crustaceans]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Link to previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3543468-dating-thread-152-onwards-and-upwards

Great updates from never shitwith and 30some go you guys 🙌

jesuis at least you had a good night but yes you already have a super FWB don’t you?

longdays I think you might need to just ask!

man4 odd behaviour from her for a 2nd date but I think you said earlier you weren’t sure either. Get swiping

panamax chin up and get swiping. I really don’t get exclusive FWB. Surely that’s dating. Shitty behaviour on his part

@Matchedandmuddled I was just joking about the "hello gorgeous, how's u" approach ! I am nothing, if not polite and always ask a question (such as "you'n'me, how about it?" ) after a profile read.

HairyArsedMan don't you know - it's 'hello gorgus'

Man4allseasons I'm going against the rest of the thread here, but I wouldn't like it if you kept touching me. I'm not a tactile person until I'm really comfortable with someone. Which I wouldn't be after only 2 dates.

If you're touching someone and they're not reciprocating then you need to keep your hands to yourself.

30somethingandsingle great update.

Peanuthedz I have the same problem on POF. Lots of 'hi sexy/gorgus/bootiful' messages. But if I try to message someone half decent then I get ignored.

@hairy - sorry, pretty new to this thread so have yet to get to know you all ... certainly didn't mean to imply you weren't a gent

Can someone just remind me that I'm the prize. 😫Struggling with hot and cold behaviour.

Man4 agree with the others you did nothing wrong, but I've met plenty of people who don't like their personal space invaded and shy away from tactile gestures.
Personally I think there is nothing wrong with a touch on the leg or arm if you feel the other person is attracted to you, I tend to wait for them to do it first mind or at least their body language indicates it would be ok.

@hairy I'm very tactile but I think it's weird you touched her on the leg on a first date. Small of her back when letting her through or arm is fine and more respectful whilst still establishing a physical interest. Leg puts a lot of pressure for her to decide if she's interested and slightly disrespectful and (to me at least) could indicate being a player.

Sorry meant @man4 !

I am pissed off. Mr Senior has now disappeared and we were supposed to have 1st date tonight. It’s not that I am invested in him but I am childfree and none of my friends are available. I want to go out!!

All is not lost. I am talking to in order of preference;
Mr Genuine
Mr Golf
Mr Dom
Mr Irish
Mr Muscle

I have just informed them all I am child free tonight and my plans have cancelled. If any of them offer me an actual date I will go! If they come to my city and If they don’t give the impression they expect to dtd

I still feel oversexed by Mr Big 😂

lifegoes YOU ARE THE PRIZE!!!! What’s happening?

@Marlboroandmalbec34 one min he's so full on and lovely and then suddenly cold and distant. I'm refusing to text him until he texts me today. Just feeling a bit blahhh

Yes, I touched her leg, but, like I say, I'm tactile, and have done that on pretty much every date, and she is the only woman that has said it made her feel uncomfortable.

It's not like I leave my hand on the leg, and start running it up... That would be DTD territory indeed.. It's a brief touch...

Also, she could have said something!!!

Well @hairyarsedman has given me some useful feedback on my pics and my friend has offered to take some new ones this weekend - haircut is tomorrow so timing is good!

@marlboroandmalvec34 yep, that’s pretty much what I thought too and it had been a couple of months of ‘dating’ and we’d shared a bit about our lives. . . I really didn’t pick up that he would do this and everything seemed fine. Anyhow, got to put it behind me and learn from it I guess!

Think I will try a few different apps. . .

My thoughts on the touching thing. . .if I were on a second date with someone I would assume I fancied them or was trying to figure out whether I fancied them. If they touched me in a friendly not sexual way and I didn’t like it I would take it as a sign I probs didn’t fancy them and would exit and send a thanks but not for me. I guess it’s so hard to get this stuff right - at the right time - I remember other comments about feeling like there had been zero physical connection or kisses after a couple of dates and wondering what that was about?

@lifegoes you are the prize!! Looking back at my recent FWB/dating experience he was a bit hot and cold too - all over me one minute then no contact for a couple of days. With hindsight it made me really anxious and stopped being fun for me. It’s tough to figure out what’s normal in early dating vs when it’s just not right. I think listen to your gut and if it’s making you miserable it’s not right - if only I could listen to my own advice!

Man sounds like an excuse to me and you are well rid. If she reacts like that over a leg touch, imaging trying to DTD

@Panamaxforte sometimes I'm own worst enemy. I study people's behaviour, so when a shift happens, I really notice it. I forget they could just be busy! But it's not hard to text

Man4allseasons if you touched my leg on the first date, I would leave.
It doesn't matter that you are tactile. You have to respect the other person's boundaries.
And just because the other women didn't say anything, doesn't mean they liked it.

P.s. @lifegoes I did the I’m not going to text him thing and that was ten days ago and I’ve heard nothing. . . It’s hard but a true test I guess.

Previously I’d mostly reached out (not always) as if I wanted to speak to him I figured I should - I hate the game playing trying to act cool thing - but as others have said, I guess if everything is going ok the anxiety isn’t there?

Right a bit of an update from me...
Dinner with MissOz last Sunday evening was very nice, my cooking went down a storm, lots of cuddles, snogging and fully clothed friskiness but no sex - she says she's not ready which is fine.
However, there were a few things she said which made me think she may well be a bit controlling. Then this week while I was working away I've had messages from her, which whilst it's nice she cares, just sounded like the messages my STBXW would have sent after 10 years of marriage. A couple of female friends have basically told me to run for the hills!

So I've backed off a bit during the week, as it just felt too serious too soon.
Anyway I sent her a message explaining how I was feeling this morning and basically saying call me or tell me to eff off.
So she called and agreed. So we're going back to fun and lighthearted and going out for a drink tomorrow night. Lets see how it goes, but I don't think it will last if I'm honest.
In the meantime somebody (think I called her MissLucky) who I was chatting to a couple of weeks ago messaged me again and I'm meeting her for coffee this afternoon.
Lots of confused emotions at the moment about whether I'm ready to be dating again, and also the knowledge that after a 23 year relationship where you're all in commitment wise, anything else just doesn't come naturally.
Tl;dr I haven't got a clue what I'm doing

@lifegoes I’m a chronic over thinker and over analyser too!! Not helped by my experiences in my marriage. I mentioned the website baggagereclaim in an earlier post. I really liked her take on things and helped me with some of the misery and doubt I’ve been feeling the ten days.

myold ok, fair enough. I promise not to do it when we date..

But you have a point. I'll do what I can to NOT touch someone on the leg, particularly on a 1st date but I don't think (?) it's deliberate.

@Panamaxforte he can fuck off ha! I'm seriously done with people blowing hot and cold. If you haven't got time for me, I haven't got time for them.

I think if i'm on a date and we are roaring with laughter and the bloke touches me in a fun,matter of fact way,it's fine. Like a quick pat on leg!
Very different to sitting quietly together and man is looking into your eyes and acting creepy.
Also different to a date where attraction is confirmed and you want to sit close to him,be close to him.

It must be hard to be a bloke!

@Marlboroandmalbec34 - liking your style! I too have a free Friday night and no date. Meeting Mr Mill Monday, Mr Peru and I still messaging but he's worried I will hurt him...Mr Viking on Tinder is a bit odd ... no other irons .... what's a girls to do?!

@ant330 i don’t have a clue what I’m doing

This.

Yep, I haven’t dated since my XH when I was in my early twenties and I’m late forties now. It’s all just weird.

Btw saw my doc for STI checks recently (because of cheating exH) all clear thankfully but she gave me a massive lecture about the rise of chlamydia in particular in my age group. Apparently all us back in the dating pool are a bit slack with our barrier methods - less worries about pregnancy plus assumptions about people coming out of long term relationships not having slept around she reckons. My age bracket is overtaking the young uns for new diagnosis