Dating thread 154 - in which beards are encouraged.

[Crustaceans]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Link to previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3543468-dating-thread-152-onwards-and-upwards

Toilet update: few too many and SO getting the feels for him.
Went with the sexy option which I think is a hit 😁

peanut - Aww, sounds like you've had a really tough time! But at least you're trying, never give up. I was on the verge of having a break and MrGardener was my last iron. I wasn't all that hopeful but thought what have I got to lose. So glad I gave him a chance.
30something - Yay! Can't wait for further updates.

peanut I think I might be the same really. My marriage was awful and since separating I feel like I have been mostly in survival mode. The nice guys I talk to and meet bore me but I think that might be defence mechanism because I am probably not emotionally available. for you.

30 will be watching the thread in the morning for an update. Go you!

Back from my date with MrNorth - he was lovely 😊 we've said we want to see each other again but need to find a childfree night that corresponds with when he's free 🤷‍♀️ but it was a refreshing change from some of the dross dates I've been on recently (and I got a few snogs too 😉)

@StealthNinjaMum I don't think that's cruel. I would respect that you had given me due consideration. In fact for me, from now on, if messaging is good, I'm going to negotiate for two dates, so we both know there are no snap judgements and then there's less need for contrivance and nervousness on the dates. I think your 5 mins at a party move on process is what the initial messaging should be achieving.

Thanks hairy but it feels cruel to me that I was 90% sure I didn't feel anything but carried on a date just to see and afterwards I said I wasn't interested. His messages were lovely, better than most I've had, he was a nice guy but I just didn't fancy him. To go back to my party example I wouldn't necessarily go to a party to pull, but it might happen if I liked someone which is why old feels unnatural and forced to me. But unfortunately I don't go out much as I have kids so sitting in front of the iPad is the best way I have of finding someone at the moment.

How's the beard by the way ?

Can I have the final word on this whole beard situation?

Julian Assange has a beard.

Yes, I know what I have done; I have ruined beards for everyone now.

Home from my second date with MrStone. Thank goodness I'd decided he didn't have any LTP before tonight and it was just a bit of fun. He's got the emotional maturity of a 14 year old boy, and that's probably giving him too much credit. He'd be great as a pal down the pub because he is very funny, but good lord, he is set in his single life ways. He basically wants a shag a couple of times a week, a bit of banter on WhatsApp and someone to go on holiday with once a year.

He cooked dinner, we shared a bottle of wine (he'd already had half the bottle by the time I got there for Dutch Courage), DTD, he made me a cup of tea (why did it take until my 40's to realise a post sex brew is so nice?), then asked if I was staying over? I hadn't planned to and didn't actually want to, and I think he was a bit taken aback when I said no. I felt no emotional connection with him at all other than, yep, the sex was good and I could probably stay mates with him, but if it fell by the wayside I wouldn't be bothered.

It's strange because he's definitely the most good looking guy I've dated, but give me a boxer's nose and wonky grin from a guy that I have a connection with any day of the week over perfect hair, teeth and dreamy eyes from someone that won't even hold my hand outside the house.

He's just sent me a message thanking me for a brilliant night saying how much he enjoyed it, however he spent most of the evening telling me about all these amazing women he'd met that he just "clicked" with - errr hello 👋, I am still here FFS 😂 I need to cut down on the banter - he's just treating me like a mate and I think he thinks he's got a new FWB. I need to send him a message tomorrow explaining in a nice way that he's not LTR material and I don't need another FWB. ☹

Hello again, I commented a gazillion threads back. New to OLD after long shitty marriage which ended after he had affair with much younger woman. Started seeing the very first man I met up with - who happened to be 8 years younger than me. Not my usual type but big confidence boost and DTD after a long period was great.

However, the sex was nice but didn’t blow my socks off - never really got me to the finish line. He was the ‘dirty talker’ if anyone remembers??! But I was willing to persevere - he’d only had one partner previously - his wife.

Anyhow, we agreed an exclusive FWB and as per previous discussions, was never sure how this was different to just dating? Were seeing each other when our schedules allowed but I realised it was mostly me who did the running. In other respects was lovely when I saw him - made me feel younger and attractive and sexy, bought me expensive perfume for my birthday. . . And has now disappeared.

Not exactly ghosted, I just decided to see what happened if I wasn’t the one being proactive and the answer is radio silence - it’s been over a week. Tbh I’m not hurt about him not wanting to see me any more, but genuinely thought he cared about me a bit and was a decent guy who would have the courtesy to tell me so I’m more bothered about my own ability to get sucked in I think.

I realise I got over invested in someone who wasn’t right for me in many ways but I really needed the validation. I’m annoyed that my radar for twats isn’t nearly as good as I thought it was and for others who feel the same I found an excellent website baggagereclaim.co.uk

Am now trying to get up the courage to dive back in. . .

Need to redo profile and would love some input from the men on here?

I’m a Brit but live in a different country so not sure if I can share a link but could send screenshots??

Thanks for this thread. Keeps me sane!

Hello,

I hope I can join in here. I’ve recently started dating again. I’ve had 2 different dates in the week. One a coffee date with Mr Italy last weekend which went well and there has been contact since but no date arranged.

A different early evening date with Mr Beard which was dreadful as the guy spent the whole time criticising his ex wife. His only redeeming feature was his beard .

Anyway what’s the general consensus on contacting Mr Italy to meet up again this weekend? I’m aware that it’s now Friday and nothing arranged- just worried that I’ll look desperate.

Good luck to everyone with dates this weekend.

longdays just ask "do you fancy meeting for a drink on Saturday evening?" That's not desperate. No point in keeping in contact with someone if they don't want to add another date.

Panamaxforte sorry to hear about that. Sounds like it was more than FWB for you.

MrDrummer it'll take more than Julian Assange to put me off beards!

30something great update! Hope the rest of the evening went well

30 oooh excellent update

Peanut you've had a crap time and I felt the same as you. But found it just takes one guy (who I met OLD a couple of years ago) who's the one to gently break your guard down. And yes, when it ended it hurt like hell, but I'm still here and I'm okay. I am sure you will be too ...

Welcome the newbies .... will be back to the thread when I'm on my lunchbreak - very early start at work today !

Assange looks a bit like Father Christmas 😂

Still can't get over liking Mr BCs short, stubbly beard ....

@Panamaxforte Happy to help.

@StealthNinjaMum Well, if you're upfront in saying you won't be leaping to a decision too soon, I suppose that's a good signal to him about over-investing and prevents hurt ? But I do agree completely, saying no thanks is the most horrible part of dating, even at the messaging level, and the nature of the beast is that it happens far more frequently than through real life encounters.

The beard is higher maintenance than I thought it would be. I may have to tell it, no thanks, it's not you, it's me.

@Panamaxforte hi & welcome. It's taking a bit of getting used to this OLD. Sorry to hear of your experience. I hope you bounce back when you are ready. Honestly how hard can it be to have a grown up conversation with someone when you don't want to continue. Jeez.

Thanks Hairy new to mumsnet and OLD so haven’t figured out how to tag - or how to message

And yes MyOld I initially was so proud of myself for having a FWB and thinking I was really together and how fun and convenient it was. Doh!!

Hopefully will be able to report on new irons/dates soon.

Also wanted to share a funny - I have a good friend who is also OLD. She was chatting on POF with a guy who seemed really nice and interesting - they got onto the topic of dealbreakers and he listed the usual (no smokers etc) and then mentioned that he had found his enormous penis to be an issue for some women . . .

Hairy 😂😂

Long no harm in sending Mr Italy an easy breezy message.

Stealth I don't think it's cruel. It would be crueller to spend 15 minutes with someone, and then get up and leave because you 'weren't feeling it'

Thanks Candace19, my thoughts exactly!

And I was congratulating myself on having such an easy and lovely intro to OLD - that’ll teach me!!

@pana - good morning, I'm new to OLD too, on match and met Mr Peru, too serious and chatted last night on phone to Mr Mill, really lovely but so not sure....need to meet him but neither of us suggested It!

I have now ventured onto tinder, I want some fun and butterflies, anybody have any luck?

@Bat - thanks for support up the thread and to everyone else too, super glad I'm on this thread and love the updates.

@Jesuis - super hot is no good if no emotional maturity....well pretty good for a night or two! Would really love some great nighttime activities!

@MrDrummer 🤣

Although for a split second I though oh Julian Assange looks quite nice with a beard. But only for a moment. 😳

Thanks for the kind words everyone. I'm just a bit flat at the moment, mon-dating life is not going that well.

@StealthNinjaMum I know what you mean about ditching after a second date. It's horrible. I tried giving two men a second date to see if they were slow burners as they were perfectly nice men. It feels a bit like agreeing to date 2 is saying you fancy them. I hate sending the no thanks message. It's interesting how different people respond to it though.

@Stealth I went on a date with a guy last year - had been chatting for a while, quite a lot in common, etc. He suggested the date and kept telling me how much he was looking forward to it and how i'd find out what a great kisser he was, blah blah.

We met at a pub, had one drink and when I offered to get another he told me he had "some chores to do" and left! He then messaged me later to say I wasn't really "what he was looking for". I told him likewise. He was very dull and serious and never asked anything about me so other than based on looks alone, I have no idea how he knew I wasn't what he was looking for! Shortest date ever!

@Matched - I met MrSAS on Tinder - he was my first date to come out of it. I had reservations but I found that all the same people are on there as on the paid sites anyway!

Panamaxforte Just click on the "message poster" link to the right of the post. I am also happy to help.

So, update on last nights date with Mrs Yogi-not-a-bear...

Met at the bowling alley, quick kiss on cheek. Bowled two games (I won, but have bowled in a league, so not fair really... . Finished drinks in the bar, then, as it was only 8pm, asked her if she wanted to do something else...

She told me she had an early start, and practically ran out of the bowling alley... No hug, no kiss, no nothing. I remember standing there completely non-plussed...

I messaged her when I got back. Apparently I made her feel really uncomfortable, because I kept touching her (in a completely non-sexual and non-threatening way, I might add!!! )

So that's over, and I now have no irons, no prospective irons, and nothing on the OLD sites... I also feel I need a government health warning. "This man may touch you (on the arm, leg and back, for instance) during a date"...

@Man How weird! I would expect a little touching on a second date, as long as it wasn't too much. Surely otherwise it would just be two people going bowling...I do that with my kids!

Did you say anything back to her?