ExH is having a baby with OW

[Ginandunicorns]

Long time lurker and currently at a loss. ExH left me for OW last year. I used to hate them both but the anger has gone away partly because I have met a wonderful man who has helped get out of the hole my exH left me in. His relationship with our DC is not the best and now he's announced they're having a baby! I have tried to support him as much as I can for the DC, but they're being incredibly selfish and this is my limit.

OP - can you clarify your earlier post - did you stop your daughter from meeting with her father for 9 months?

I think your aim was to really hurt your ex because of his betrayal. You didn't care who got hurt along the way.

I'm actually appalled at the way you treated this man, who should never have married you but stayed likely just for his children until he could no longer live a lie.

You put it in your kids head their dad was choosing a baby over them. You planted the seed of doubt and allowed it to fester because it gave you some comfort thinking your kids would have nothing to do with him.

I said pages back you should go to therapy. It's clear now why you won't: you expected him to limp along in your relationship to keep you content and to hell with how he felt inside. On what planet do you think that is ok? That is so incredibly selfish.

If I was your daughter I would be ashamed at your immature and hurtful words.

You talk about the pain he has caused your children but it isn't about them at all, that's just an excuse. The real issue is the pain he caused you by moving on. Your kids are just a good cover story.

They would have understand in time their dad was unhappy and moved on. They will question far longerhis love for them because of what you cruelly led then to believe.

You need serious help.

You do need counselling OP. Your friends and family have enabled your absolutely vile behaviour to continue for MONTHS in front of your poor DD. You should all be fucking ashamed of yourselves.

I was just in pain. I couldn't think much beyond that. Of course I didn't think that would have had such a negative impact on them. We as a family used to openly talk about it, you could say we have no filter.

I never stopped them seeing him, it was meeting the OW.

OP you have moved on now though and you are still not being fair. You have to start putting your daughter first and that means fake excitement for the baby, telling her it’s a positive thing, encouraging her relationship with her father. Yes you were hurt but you can’t keep using that to justify hurting your daughter.

Your thinking is really messed up here OP, from the incessant 'me me me' thoughts to the lack of awareness of what's best for your DD. Not to mention the need to 'replace' your ex. You clearly don't love your partner, you just want him to fulfil a role. You're obsessed with your ex.

Get yourself to your GP and arrange some counselling.

I'm not obsessed with him. I have some clarity now, but the baby threw me back which I think it's understandable. I did vile things like blackmailing his family. That didn't work out and I'm ashamed with myself.
I don't know how to help my DD. She gets some counselling at school and I've never given her the option to stay with me. She always has to go to her dad's no odd nor buts.

Your daughter is so aware of your anger that she feels she can't be happy about the prospect of a half siblings, even if she wanted to be.

How much counseling dies she get? She needs to be able to talk this all out with someone she trusts, with no ulterior motive.

You need to be honest with her about your behaviour and how wrong and damaging it was.

You also need to be careful of yourself. You may not now be saying anything nasty, but do you qui, her about what she sees when she sees her dad? You need to back right off as other mothers did.

It's time for you to accept what has happened. All your sabotaging didn't work. The new baby hurts you, I get that, but you need to stop seeing this unborn child as the enemy.

This is starting to read like a parody of the manipulative hateful resentful ex that people are usually told on here doesn’t exist. Fascinating.

Go on...it's a reverse, at best.

Yes, the parenting isn’t good or bad just unreal. The OP seems to adjust replies to suit Pp, either goading a response from people who criticise or encouraging pp who validate. Constantly being contradictory to tell a story.

I think I see sharks being jumped.

I don’t believe this anymore.

Go on...it's a reverse, at best.

I said this at the start! The OW is posting this to get sympathy. Get a life OP.

Not a reverse but believe what you like. Seeing the damage you've caused your child is not something easy to see, it's always easier to blame someone else. I turned to MN as I can see how my friends and family only made it worse for them. Their father is a good one but amidst the fog that is hard to see. I just want my children to be ok. The answer is counselling but with the waiting lists as they are I can't bother to be on them.

I say this gently OP but the answer is also to no matter how crap you feel to put on a brave face for your daughter. Try and get her excited about a sibling, reassure her that it doesn’t mean her dad doesn’t love her.

Yes get counselling but please take some small steps.

The answer is seeing a therapist, speaking positively or not at all about their dad and helping them prepare for the new baby.