I am Onit, hear me ROAR. Thread 5!

[onitlikeacarbonnet]

“I am not afraid of the storms for I am learning to sail my ship” Louisa May Alcott.

I was looking for something to call this thread and came across this quote.
It’s not entirely true; yet, but almost 3 years and 5 threads later, I actually almost believe I can do this.

But I still like the last thread title as it still feels fitting.
I’ll save the LMA quote for the next one.

Here’s a link to the last thread.
Hope you all find me, my amazing friends

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3211292-I-am-onit-hear-me-ROAR-occasionally

I would be very wary of including info about the DC behaviour at school etc before it goes back to court as it simply gives him a heads up in advance

Good Point

Hi Onit.

Another long-time lurker here. I understand that you need to take back some control but I agree with pp that the less you say to him the better. Hopefully you feel better for having written this out and downloaded it from your system.

Perhaps send it to your lawyer, as it is a very good summary of where you are and how you are feeling. Sending it to LCB will probably (if you are like me) mean you are on tenterhooks waiting for a response, you can't control when the response comes, and when it comes it will make your stress levels soar again.

I believe that people like him are more annoyed by less contact and you would be feeding him with this letter although I can completely understand why you want to say all that to him.

I would also like to add, you are being incredibly strong through all this and your DC are very lucky to have you for their Mum.

Another lurker and I agree with Mrs P it’s good to get down how you are feeling but he will not care or listen

If your solicitor is dealing with it simply say that could he please confirm the dates and that your solicitor is dealing with it and in future communication should be kept to a minimum or via them

Because this will simply feed him simple short responses to him

I am losing it. And for the moment I will send only the first half with dates etc.
The reason this is becoming difficult is because I am giving him headspace.
It is helpful to get it all down but it’s almost a compulsion to perfect it.

I’m stronger than that.

There are other things at play at the moment too. Issues with DD and DS around weekend contact.
The situation surrounding maintenance reductions and removal of other previously agreed contributions to uniform etc.

I had confirmation of the motion being lodged at court this morning. This is to reverse the Sunday overnight.
When he receives that letter he has 7 days to oppose or it will be granted.

This too shall pass.

hopefully, 1. he can't afford it. & 2. he knows DD is being difficult & will decide to give up....;Tosser

Hi Onit,
This might be too late - but I think that these are the bare bones of the message that you wanted to send:

Are you taking the kids to Timbuktu?
If so, when and for how long are you taking them?
Are you allowing them to attend the bbq?
What do you need from me to help facilitate it?
There are 4 days from your original request I haven’t agreed.
I agreed to your request for a 10 day break which includes one of my weekend days.
You agreed to allow us to go for a short break which includes one of your weekend days.
As my suggestion regarding ad hoc visits is unworkable at your end, I will withdraw the offer and conclude communication on the matter of the holidays.

And the rest to the solicitor!

Sending you much love and strength x

That’s it shutthedamndoor.
I’ve not sent it yet. He can fucking wait.

"So dd refused to go on Friday. "

document, document, document. Document EVERYTHING. Date, time, incident.

Hunger tantum - document.

In the email - please refer to my solicitor. Is there maybe a person on this group who you know is calm and level headed, that you can forward the email to, then just type back her response? I suggest MatildaTheCat
Do not engage with unreason.

Have you heard of that 'educate the judge' movement?

I do think you need to record that counsellor, physio and GP say you are in pain out of stress.

The courts need to hear what a bully he is.

onemomsbattle.com/educate-your-judge/

Onit

I posted on your earlier threads and then lost you! I went back to your first thread and have re-read the lot. Please don't ever underestimate yourself. You've been through the wringer countless times, but each time, you come out a bit stronger. You, my lovely, are a champ.

please PM me LCB's address so I can sign him up for reams and reams of junk mail

Hi MrsD long time, no see

Still here. Hanging by a thread at the moment but surviving.

Thinking of you Onit x

Anyone want to come over and slap me?

I realised that I’ve forgotten to give ds his medication at least the last 2 days
I cried this morning when I realised and he just hugged me and said it’s ok mummy. You’re not feeling well. Cried harder.
We have no clean plates or cutlery. My kitchen is full of dirty dishes.
My washing machine has a load of wet washing which was washed 4 days ago and will need to be done again.
Don’t remember the last time I changed the beds.
I can’t find my tax credit award notice from last year to apply for the clothing grant and have paper strewn all over every surface because I ransacked the house at 1am looking for it.
There is an inch of dust on everything.
I have a herpes outbreak and no antivirals. Just had a friendly receptionist turn not so friendly when I said I really needed a prescription today.
I haven’t showered in 3? days. Or brushed my teeth, or hair.
I did feed the cat.
I feel sick. And sore.
And obviously fucking sorry for myself.

Please slap me.
I need to sort myself out in the next 3 hours before the kids come home. Play date today. And I need to have some strength to deal with dd when her dad comes for her and she doesn’t want to go.

1 make a cup of 2
2 Have a shower put washing machine to rinse while in the shower, (2 in 1 Yay) brush teeth/hair, put lippy on !!!
3 Empty the washing machine

Thats a good start, the rest isn't anything dramatic, or unsolvable ...

2 = tea !

wish I could come & help you Onit, you could go for a walk/sit in the sun & I would happily get those jobs done for you....

Thanks Mix
I’ve done my dishes. There’s stuff on tea towels drying on every surface.
I’ve got a cup of tea.

Alexa is playing some very loud 90’s rock/metal/grunge.
Washing machine on to rinse.

Enter sandman 🤘

Onit, same here. My kitchen is a disaster zone, as is the lounge so I need to do a downstairs blitz ugh

THEN I've got to tackle the room of doom. Absolutely agree with Mix grap a cuppa and then plonk on the tunes.

Three tunes, move rooms, three tunes move rooms. Have you seen The Organised Mum Method? It looks good, so I'm starting it on Monday (today is all about prepping!!)

MrsD
Firefighting at the moment.
The bf is coming tonight and, as I’m not working the weekend, I he will get more done because I’ll be here to help direct. The universe is conspiring though as I’ve got the herpes flare up but I think I need cuddles and hair striking rather than the usual.

I’ve been in the shower, washed hair, shaved legs, brushed teeth. Even ran a wipe over the toilet, round the bath and sink.

Not sure I can face the washing yet as the suns just disappeared and I’d need to fold the stuff that’s been on the airer for a week first if I can’t hang it out.

Feeling bit better now I’m clean though.

*stroking

Onit, I've got 2 enormous boxes of undies, pjs etc. that I need to sort out and put away. You're not alone! I'm doing it now, you've inspired me! C'mon, tell me what radio station you're listening to and we can all do our crappy chores together!

Well done you! Maybe a quiet word with your
DD about you being not well might encourage her to go with less fuss this time?