I am Onit, hear me ROAR. Thread 5!

[onitlikeacarbonnet]

“I am not afraid of the storms for I am learning to sail my ship” Louisa May Alcott.

I was looking for something to call this thread and came across this quote.
It’s not entirely true; yet, but almost 3 years and 5 threads later, I actually almost believe I can do this.

But I still like the last thread title as it still feels fitting.
I’ll save the LMA quote for the next one.

Here’s a link to the last thread.
Hope you all find me, my amazing friends

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3211292-I-am-onit-hear-me-ROAR-occasionally

[endofthelinefinally]

I think his self representing will be amazing to behold.

[TheABC]

Delurking to wish you strength. With every battle, he loses a bit of control.

• You now know what to expect each month from CMS. No more discussion needed.
• The court order will hopefully be the last for a while.
• If you have not already, relegate him to an old SIM for text messages and automatically sort his emails to a special folder in your inbox. Look at it (or get someone else to do so), once a week at most. Let the fucker wait!
• Your kids are getting older and WILL vote with their feet when the time comes.

Stay strong. Imagine the bliss when the DCs turn 18 and you can happily ignore him for good.

[onitlikeacarbonnet]

It was DD’s birthday last Friday and, although she’d been a bit worried at the beginning of the week, she went off ok with her dad and not a sign of upset. Maybe the thought of presents was enough to break the cycle.

Though DS has had a tough time as his good friend has just moved to another school and because he’s not the most confident lad he’s been feeling very vulnerable and very sad indeed. “Everyone leaves me mummy ”.

The dc know about the court date and are pleased that we might be able to change the weekends back to Sunday drop offs. They’ve both said they want to write the sheriff a letter to say that too.
Just wish it didn’t need to get to that point.

As predicted from the outset, it is totally all about the money. He actually said in his holiday emails that the days didn’t matter it was the nights that were important. He must think my head buttons up the back.
I’m sure that comment will bite him in the arse soon enough.

[SunshineCake]

I have some school trousers barely worn if they would be any use to your son, onit?

[historysock]

Can we come to the court and throw rotten tomatoes at him?

[MrsDilligaf]

How I'd love to be a fly on the wall in court!! I hope you're okay Onit xx

[onitlikeacarbonnet]

I have vegetated all week. Bare minimum done. I’m saving money on shampoo and toothpaste lol.

Thank you for your kind offer Sunshine, but I’ll manage to get them everything they need. I got a gift card from work for long service which will cover this years and next years too.
I can apply for a clothing grant too which should sort out coats, shoes etc.

We’re going to visit the bf at the weekend. He has all his dc and a couple of others staying. There will be 9 of us . We’re just going for the day but I’ve offered to make a huge pot of chilli. Need supplies for that so I’ve made myself presentable and I’m off out shortly.

It’s beautiful weather here today. We’re going to meet a friend tonight for tea. She’s come a long way and we haven’t seen her in a long time.
I feel much more positive in the sunshine I think.

[SunshineCake]

Well okay but if you change your mind. I was thinking for the future anyway as they are bigger sizes.

[onitlikeacarbonnet]

You are very kind Sunshine

[SunshineCake]

Not at all. I have followed your posts from about thread three and take my hat off to you. I love that you have a hot new boyfriend and that your twat ex is stuck with nappies with the silly cow. I just long for the day he fucks off as I think your kids would be better off without him and obviously so would you. He holds too many delusions of grandeur and too many people are agreeing with him that he's in charge.

[historysock]

Small steps onit-glad you seem a little bit brighter

[onitlikeacarbonnet]

Definitely small steps. I’m not rushing back to work this time.
Doc asked me straight out today if I’d had any suicidal thoughts. I didn’t even burst into tears I just felt them sliding down my face. A couple of weeks ago I could’ve quite easily jumped in my car and driven as far as I could away from it all or into a tree at high speed. The only thing stopping me was the thought that my dc would end up with him.
I am brighter today though. There’s been no contact in the last week, I think. And DD heading off without incident last Friday was a huge relief.

[Apileofballyhoo]

Glad you feel a bit better, onit. He's such a nasty excuse for a man.

[Mix56]

I hope you enjoyed your evening. Every good day is a day you aren't feeling those dark thoughts
Remember your Dc will vote with their feet as soon, then he can just fuck off. you will be free of him

[onitlikeacarbonnet]

Guess who didn’t pay any maintenance today?

[Mix56]

Karma will get him.

[onitlikeacarbonnet]

Just when I thought he couldn’t stoop any lower

[KOKOtiltomorrow]

That really is a low blow - I just don’t understand how these men can do this to their DC. There’s always an argument on here that men and women are not really different and both are capable of poor behaviour .... but it is absolutely shocking the amount of men who are willing to shaft over their DC in some pathetic attempt to get at the mum. There have been so many threads to this effect recently is depressing. Wishing you well.

[onitlikeacarbonnet]

I’m sure it’s an attempt to bait me. He called the dc at 9 this morning which is really unusual. He didn’t seem to want to speak to them about anything in particular and it occurred to me he might be checking to see if I’d told the dc or if I would not let him speak to them. I hadn’t checked my bank account till gone 11.
Thankfully I hadn’t taken out my months food budget cash so that covered my mortgage and council tax. But I’ll need to take my rainy day money out from under the mattress and deposit it to cover my car payment tomorrow.
We go away in 3 weeks for 3 days and if he doesn’t cough up, we’ll have no spending money.

But if he thinks he can make me react, he can swivel. Let him explain it to the sheriff in 4 weeks time.

[MsPavlichenko]

Prick. But you are on to him. He is baiting you, and hoping you respond/ tell the DC.

He will be regretting invoving the CMS and realising he has lost more control. Well done on not reacting right away. How infuriated he will be.

[Apileofballyhoo]

He's such a nasty piece of work. I wonder though if you say nothing will he take it that you don't need the money?

I wouldn't react in any kind of emotional way, that's for sure. But I'd possibly email and ask if he forgot.

[Apileofballyhoo]

That should be will he make out that you don't need the money...

[Mix56]

How about a message, "you can explain it to the sheriff in 4 weeks time." ?

[MrsDilligaf]

I'd email him..

Having checked this afternoon, your maintenance payment is not showing in my account. I know you will not have overlooked this payment, but would appreciate you checking with your bank to make sure that there have been no errors in processing. Once you have clarified this with the bank, please let me know when this month's payment will be received.

He's a pure knob.

[Apileofballyhoo]

I know he's just doing it to fuck with your head and that he intends to get maintenance lowered anyway, but the bank error email above sounds good to me. I think I'd ask primarily about a bank error rather than anything he may or may not have done. As impersonal as possible.

Hi lcb, maintenance not in my account. Obviously a mistake has occurred. Could you check with your bank and get it transferred as soon at possible?