Dating thread 152: onwards and upwards

[30somethingandsingle]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

@HairyArsedMan congratulations!! You've completed Tinder.

When that happens I hide my profile for a couple of days. And sit on my hands. Somehow when I go back on I get a load more people. It's all an algorithm so I don't believe I've swiped everyone in London. Surely......? 😱

Jesuis, you could always ask mr banker along to the plumber meet.....

Re personality tests - just a bit of fun and whilst accurate as far as my work personality goes its much less so when i am out of my suit!

Thanks @Peanuthedz and @HairyArsedMan! I feel like I've got so used to people doing it I've started to regard it as ok... maybe I'll try and be a bit more honest if we've exchanged a number of texts..

Oohhh he was most upset when I called it a kink - apparently it's not a kink or a 3some.

We've just had quite a frosty chat (online) and agreed that we're both looking for different things and to leave it at that. I felt like telling him he should perhaps think a little bit harder about why he left his wife because she was flirting with other men at work, laying all the blame at her door but I think it would be lost on him. I think I've had a lucky escape, he seemed quite fixated on it. And he had horrible feet

@Howlingatthesun that did cross my mind, but I think it's the "random stranger" and watching how things unfold thing that turns him on - if it was someone I already knew I don't think it would have the same effect for him. I find the whole cuckolding thing a bit, I don't know, emasculating? I love a man being a man and in control, desiring me, not standing passively by the side of the bed playing with himself like a naughty schoolboy Horses for courses I suppose.

It's definitely a kink - some men just want to try it as it's a fantasy, and some want to act out that scenario a lot. I don't think it being called a kink is a bad thing though. But he obviously does, which is interesting .... lots of people have kinks, it isn't negative! If you aren't interested then that's that, though.

I have got thoroughly fed up with POF and OLD. I haven't got any new irons and the men that do contact me are all totally unsuitable for a variety of reasons. Its not even about me being fussy - they are either really unfanciable, smokers, live too far away or are not working, or some other red flag.

I have a date arranged with Mr Builder on Friday but I am only going as he makes me laugh - I have decided that I really don't fancy him. He is quite overweight and at the opposite end of the political spectrum to me. I also have a date on Saturday with Mr Much Younger, and I can't see anything coming out of it. He is really flaky, doesn't have a proper job and I'm not sure that we have much in common.

Mr Tennis messages me every 4 days or so with a bland message about his day at work, but there is no real connection between us and I don't feel the urge to meet him, so I have been equally bland back.

I'm not sure what to do about this slump in my dating life. I am looking for a relationship, not a FWB or ONS. I haven't got back in touch with the couple that I had the threesome with as I liked the woman but not the man, and they want someone regular for both of them together. And I do prefer sex in a relationship.

I think I may be coming across as a bit too serious as I get really fed up with guys trying to talk about sex in messages before we even meet, and I usually tell them that I am not into sexting and am looking for a LTR. The thing is, I do find it sleazy if I don't have a connection with someone, and I can't decide that until I meet them. I'm just not getting any messages or being 'favourited' by anyone remotely interesting. I am thinking about coming off the apps for a while and giving it a rest.

Lily that’s exactly how POF is for me, no one suitable, hardly anyone near by, smokers, drinkers and men with 6 children by several different women, I really am beginning to think that POF is scraping the bottom of the barrel. I have no dates lined up as such, mainly because I’m busy this weekend but partly because no one has the wow factor.

I have read a bit about cuckolding (is that how it’s spelt) after someone messaged me about it a while ago.

I don’t think it is the same as a 3 some, in a 3 some all 3 of you are pretty involved, in cuckolding it’s only really you and one guy, the other is just watching. I’m not totally against the idea, my ex husband used to get off on me telling him what I did with previous men I had been with 😐, not something I would get off on. When I spoke to a gentleman on POF about it it seemed to make a bit of sense, for him it was a big turn in to see his partner getting satisfied by other people as he felt he wasn’t enough for her, he felt that giving a partner the chance to fuck other men was good for both him and her.

Love I have tried Tinder and there is no-one remotely decent near me (South coast) and I am not sure what else to do. I don't want to compromise by dating guys I don't fancy so I am currently a bit stuck. Maybe I just need to hide my POF profile for a while, update it in a few weeks time with some different photos, and then go back on.

One of my problems is that I am in an awkward age group. I am very fit and healthy and young looking for my age, and very active and sporty. Unfortunately a lot of men in my age group are fat and unhealthy with beer guts (or the ones on POF and Tinder are!). Mr Builder described his build as athletic and only had face pics. When I met him for coffee last week I realised that he had a massive gut and was clearly anything but athletic. I did steer the conversation round to fitness and lifestyle and he told me that he considered himself fit and athletic because he used to cycle about 5 years ago! I did point out that I run half marathons, go running three times a week, go to the gym and do yoga, and that is my benchmark for being active!

@Lovemusic33 Maybe it was a mash up of cuckolding and a 3some? He definitely got in on the action once the other guy had finished (and was still there). The talking about is one thing, but the doing it is another for me. I wasn't horrible to him, I just said it wasn't for me and it wouldn't be fair for me to ask him to supress that side of his sexuality - like with MrS, I think if you like something in particular you need to find a partner who is fully on board with it.

Lily I’m in the south too, it is pretty dire, I have to go for men that are usually a hours drive away as there’s no one near by but then it’s so much hassle arranging somewhere to meet or driving all the way to theirs. I want someone who lives close by that can pop over in the evening or out to a local pub. Tinder is pretty dire too

jesuis that cuckolding thing would be a hard no from me. I’m up for exploring kinks within a secure relationship but not involving other people and that sounds a bit seedy and sad (hope I haven’t offended anyone). And for him then to want his turn. No thank you. Did you find him on FAB?

I found nothing was happening on Bumble so I’ve come off for a bit. Is it the time of year as it seems to be slowing down for many of us.

I definitely want a LTR not an FWB bit it doesn’t feel that I’ll ever find it. I really like the gut in dating but we are in very different places and he will either go back to his wife or decide he needs to do more exploring before he can settle down I’m sure cynical...

*guy I’m dating... I need to proof before hitting post!

lilly and lovemusic Try being in different places for differing periods of time... it makes dating a nightmare, particularly if I haven't mentioned it before a meeting... (which I make sure I do!)

I have a base in the south, but am hardly ever there

Man4 yes that must make it tough. I do a long commute for work at least 3 days a week which does mean that evening dates on those days are difficult to organise, but I am always free on Fridays and at the weekend. It does put some guys off though if I'm not free for coffee at 6pm on a Tuesday! I guess we all have our preferences.

I thought that I lived in a fairly lively cosmopolitan part of the South Coast (without being too outing) but there seems to be very few decent men in my age group (or lower, I don't mind a younger man within reason) on POF or Tinder. I did try a few Meetup groups back in 2017 but the social ones were full of predators and misfits as I found out to my cost . I have thought about joining a club related to some of my sporting interests but the local ones near me all start at 6.30 or 7.00 on the evenings when I am commuting, so they aren't an option for me at the moment as I don't get home from work until 7pm. I even tried the local Park Run and although everyone is very friendly, most of the guys I chatted to were married. I guess 9am on a Saturday morning is not really the best time to pull someone .

I am at a bit of a loss as to how to meet someone. Maybe I just have to keep plugging away and hope I eventually meet someone that I click with.

@Notcoolmum No, he was on POF. Really nice profile, seemed a bit naive about OLD, didn't want me talking to anyone else shagging them is OK how wrong can you be about someone 🙄

After I've had my bit of fun with MrPlumber tomorrow night I'm coming off the apps for a while as I've go no one else in the pipeline and I don't want to start up with anyone - it's exhausting. I'll be channeling energy into getting some decorating done at home and spending the Easter holidays relaxing.

Lily I haven’t had much luck with meet up either, most of the ones near me are older people that meet during the day for a walk. I’m not in a town, kind of in the middle of nowhere so most the guys on POF are from the coastal towns or further away.

I’m not sure i could date someone that moves around a lot (this was kind of the issue with Mr SA) though I would date someone in the forces, I guess I want someone who is pretty settled and family orientated but not with young kids. It seems impossible to find, a lot of men on POF do work away or work long hours and then have to fit in seeing their children, I’m not sure when they find time to have a relationship, it must be hard.

Just done the personality profile. I am a defender - ISFJT - and oh my goodness it rings true, especially the bit about relationships. It also explains why I have trouble with casual NSA and why I find it difficult to meet someone. Not sure how this helps me find someone but at least it explains why I am a bit stuck at the moment!

Love I am coastal but slim pickings in my age group on POF and Tinder! I work in London but I really don't want to travel miles to see someone when I travel miles for work! I want someone relatively local that I can pop over to see, and vice versa.

I would quite like a man in the forces actually - a new revelation for me when a friend showed me a photo of a guy she liked! I have never dated anyone in the forces but I certainly wouldn't say no if he was hot! And they tend to be in good shape too.

Lily - I think I'm the bloke version of you. But maybe older, and maybe not so young looking for my age .

People view athleticism in relative terms, so for some athletic means going to Zumba more than once a week. Or they see athletic as meaning still having some muscle tone. I tried Fitness Singles but I found it was one dimensional (doh!) and not particularly well stocked in my age range. Not many would write a profile either. However it might suit you if you're looking for a particular active lifestyle.

Hairy I had a look at Fitness Singles but there was nobody near me at all! I don't necessarily want to date a gym bunny, I just want someone in decent shape who looks after themselves.

Nor me Lily. It's a not a strong requirement. Anyway when I've found that there has been that active lifestyle in common with someone on a less niche site, they've always knocked me back !

I can't see MrGardener until Sunday. We haven't DTD yet so when MrWow and I talked about getting fit for my hols at Easter, he suggested we exercise together . He is exceedingly good and I know now that there is no future for us. So, he's coming round tonight! I have zero other irons and am off the apps. This suits me perfectly atm. So, like jesuis if MrGardener and I don't work out, that's it for me, decorating here we come!

Can't remember who mentioned MrJ but he sounds scarily similar to a guy I dated, called him MrPara. Anyway, MrJ sounds like a complete player so ignore/block.

In my age range (looking at 49-58 - I'm 54) most of the men are in god awful shape. Or really bulked up and muscle bound. And I'm being very spoiled with the men 10 to 15 years younger I've met on Fab Mr FABF had an amazing body ....

Have just started chatting to a fairly local guy on POF (have abandoned Tinder for now) who seems okay. So far!!