Dating thread 152: onwards and upwards

[30somethingandsingle]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

I did a lot of POF p**s taking yesterday.
I'm trying to be restrained today. But it is difficult

Does everyone else hate the 'you're beautiful' messages or is it just me?

Yeah, I hate those kind of messages, but that's because I don't get any of them!

@JeSuisPrest Might I suggest that you give the shy guy a chance. You might find he comes out of his shell with a bit more coaxing and you have indicated that it might be worth challenging your initial attractions.

@MrDrummer - I've just set up a Tinder account and right swiped him on there - hopefully that'll give him a nudge that I'm interested in meeting if he's swiping as well and spots me - we only live half a mile away from each other. I'm not writing him off just yet.

Really not keen on the lack of bios on Tinder though. Think I'll be POFing for the forseeable.

I think I see the issue with the swiping apps. If everyone swipes selectively the chances of a match are slim, given that there seems to be no magic, or matching, occurring in the profiles that are popped up in front of you so far as I can see.

This time spent swiping for no reward is effectively wasted effort and unless you're really secure is a bit of a blow to self confidence if it continues that way for weeks on end . So the result is people swiping less selectively in order to get matches in order to be more selective at the messaging stage.

I blame the format not the people ultimately as it seems from my experience and the experiences reported on this thread that both sexes fail to follow up. I think those that do swipe carefully may make the assumption that others have done the same so there is a heightened expectation that a follow up is likely.

I prefer the more profile driven and searchable sites as you can be proactive and still get nowhere

JeSuis Tinder offers barely any space for a reasonable profile but it doesn't matter as it only comes into play once people have collected matches.

@JeSuisPrest I am confused. If you want to meet him and you are talking already, why don't you just come out and say it? Why be subtle when clearly subtlety isn't men's strong point! :D

Honestly it is a minefield trying to figure out whether to ask someone out early in the convo or later on. Leave it too late an the other person thinks you want to be penpals, do it too early and the other person thinks you are too pushy... so I reckon, you should just ask him outright.

Yay - I've had a match on Tinder.... it's MrBridge!!

@shitwithsugaron I'm going to do exactly that later on 😂😂😂.

@MrDrummer - you're absolutely right, I've been blown out enough times not to take it personally if he says no, so I'm going to ask him out for a coffee when we chat tonight. Wish me luck!

@JeSuisPrest Honestly, assuming he is on the up and up, then he would be a complete idiot to knock you back and if he does knock you back, then I would say he isn't on the up and up i.e. in relationship. I'll wish you luck if you want me to, but in my opinion, luck doesn't come into it... if he says no, it definitely isn't you, it's him.

@MrDrummer You're beautiful

I have a very young admirer in Turkey at the moment who tells me that I'm beautiful. He is somewhat depressed because his father is in hospital but he'd love to come and meet me. He must think I was born yesterday waiting for him to ask for money

I had my first date with Mr Enthusiastic on Monday. He said how much nicer I look in real life than in my profile. (As mentioned a few days ago my photos make me look like the back end of a horse). We've been texting for weeks and he seems lovely but like me busy. I actually quite fancied him. I got a kiss on the cheek at the end but because I had driven was too sober to give him a snog and that might have frightened him away. Anyway he is still texting lots. Thanks to the relationships board I am cynical and trying not to get over invested as I know I could be ghosted, future faked, friend zoned, breadcrumbed, love bombed etc. But despite that I have been decluttering my bedroom and online shopping for new underwear

The thread moves too fast but I wanted to say Richdeniro please play it cool with that woman. She'd already said she wasn't feeling it, then you weren't sure. I would carry on living a fantastic life, updating your Facebook / instagram with it (or whatever you young folks do!) and she might decide she's interested. Otherwise you're just too good for her.

Gah, just lost my post!

I agree with swiping issues. I've finished Tinder apparently. Don't like it so will delete. Just had a go at someone who was messaging me on POF as he had two different ages in his bio and then told me via a message a third one. Told him consistency is key ...

StealthNinjaMum

Today’s stupid POF message reads....”Hello, May o be your slave and serve you?”.... ,I was very tempted to take him up on his offer as my house is a mess and the car needs a wash 🤔

lovemusic33 I love all these messages, on Match they all seem really dull in comparison. I think I'll join pof because my house is also a mess.

I had one of those Love. I was tempted as I have a few jobs that need doing ...

I also get the 'you're beautiful' messages, alongside the 'how's you' ones (which set my teeth on edge) and people asking me if I've had a nice day, which mostly get ignored too ...

Online shopping for new underwear is always a good sign, @StealthNinjaMum. I bought loads of new underwear when I met MrSG.

Definitely just ask MrBridge out, @JeSuisPrest. That's much better than waiting around and second guessing.

I would recommend only experimenting with swiping right on everyone on bumble. That way you're in control of the horror that ensues.

I'm glad it's going well with MrFox, @30somethingandsingle.

I guess time will tell with MrStone, @JeSuisPrest. Maybe he was expecting that you wanted a bit of a player.

It does sound like things are going nicely with MrOutdoors, @LilyRose88. Maybe he is exactly what you need at the moment.

Good luck with MrFar, @WarIsPeace. I laughed at your 3 more sleeps description.

I agree with @JesSuisPrest, @Ant330. It doesn't matter that it's only been 3 dates: if you're feeling it, you're feeling it. And if it's mutual, then that's great. Judging when to invest emotionally is kind of key with OLD and it sounds like it might be right for you to start doing that a bit. By date 3, MrSG and I had agreed that it was a relationship, and I was pretty sure that it wasn't just going to be a quick thing. I was right; it's definitely not. But we both felt (and feel) that way, so it has never felt like a risky investment.

I'm sorry that seeing MrWow is making you feel bad, @TooOldForThis67. I think you might be right that you just can't be friends.

That's really crap about MrUnsuitable, @Peanuthedz. You did name him well. It's really unfair how complicated life can be. Finding someone you like is hard enough without life stuff getting in the way.

richdeniro I would also do as the advice has been and stay away from the woman in question. If someone wants to text you, they will text you - it's like that movie He's Just Not That Into You, we see all the signs there but try to convince ourselves we are the exception to the rule. Unless you're a hardened dater like on this thread!

She's obviously being polite to you, do I think she's the one for you? Nope. But I do think she could be a great friend to you and someone you could meet new people through. I wouldn't ask her outright as she's already told you in the past she didn't see it going anywhere relationship wise. Keep looking, there will be someone out there for you.

Oh yes JeSuis just ask him. I never used to do the asking but if I'm interested and they seem to just want to endlessly message then I give them one chance to take me up on my offer of meeting for 45 minutes for a coffee ...

Someone texting lots in my experience does not always mean genuine interest.
Some people just like texting more than others. I mean some are just more chatty.
Doesn't translate in person always.
Some just always have phone to hand and never wait for than 20 mins to reply.
I have been let down before, as some guy was often texting but it didn't mean he actually really like me.
I dunno I just think some cant just sit and chill and watch tv without having a convo on the go too.
I am wary of guys that avoid phone calls though, I suggested one last night and I got a yeh ok or we could whatsapp.
That's just the same as emails, but bit more instant?
This is just some guy who is local ish for once! who messaged a week or so ago. Maybe I am clutching as we seem to have little in common, well films and tv wise..

Oooh, do we need a new thread?

Done a new thread

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3550940-dating-thread-152-the-adventures-of

I'm still undecided as whether to take my guy up on his offer to stay at his on saturday night after we go out for drinks. He lives nearby and my last train home is at 10.15pm. Been on 2 dates so far (will have been 3 by the potential sleepover). I fancy him, we had a kiss at the end of date two...I just don't want to risk the 'got what he wanted and lost interest' thing happening.

I did just go out and buy a big tote bag though so that i can potentially carry overnight essentials with me if I do decided to

Crustaceans yes I agree, Mr Outdoors is probably just what I need right now. A nice guy who seems very keen on me. He isn't drop dead gorgeous but he isn't fugly, so I am hoping that he may grow on me (not literally of course, that would be weird).

Rich I will echo the others and say maybe take a step back.

Sunshine take the tote bag and see how the evening goes.....